


*67

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-02-13 11:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 64,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12983055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dialing *67 before a number on your phone will allow you to block your number ID from the person receiving the call. God bless *67.





	1. Keep The Blood In Your Head

Patrick wakes up and looks around the room; a sea of drunken high schoolers, most of which are falling asleep or have been out cold for the past hour. Parties were never his thing, but it sure beat being home alone. He knows most of them all too well since they've grown up together in the same town just outside of Chicago. Unfortunately, that meant that they knew Patrick as well, ever since a couple of years back when Patrick had his first taste of his sexuality and the whole school had found out he was gay. Not neccesarily a big deal when you put things into perspective, but it apparently is to a bunch of lowkey homophobic teenage boys, and thanks to a loudmouth that Patrick thought was his friend, none of the other guys want to be around him much anymore because he'd probably try to give them a great big smooch or ram them from behind, which, honestly, couldn't be further from the truth; none of them were really his 'type'.... Well, none except for one guy who had moved from dad's house in Florida to come live with his mom and stepdad that year. His name was Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe, that's the only name that was ever on Patrick's mind but he knew damn well that his name wasn't on his anymore. He acted like he hardly knew Patrick that school year and the one after that. For the past two years, Joe glared at Patrick every time he caught him looking at him in class because he wasn't gay and swore that up and down to his mother's grave.. the grave that didn't...really exist yet. Well, you get the picture..

And Joe was in that sea of drunken high schoolers, possibly one of the drunkest. Of course he would be at a house party like this; there was booze, and where there was booze, you were sure to find Joe, considering that being drunk was the only thing that kept him from popping a glock in his mouth. His mother nor his step-father didn't care, though. Who cares if you're destroying your liver? As long as you're out of the way.

Patrick looks over at Joe, his eyes wide and his heart thumping out of his chest. He hates that he still had feelings for him even after all of that went down. Part of him hated Joe for acting like it meant nothing and that it never happened, but he still hated himself even more. It was only the beginning of the school year. He was stuck with Joe for ATLEAST the next year.

But oh, it gets even worse now because Joe's dating Chelsea, the class Gwen Stefani wannabe who's daddy's so rich he bought her a pink '98 Mustang for her 16th birthday that she now has Joe drive her around in when he's semi-sober. They've only been together for a few weeks and it probably isn't going to last very long. Joe probably knows it. He knows that he's never been able to keep a stable relationship because, he has to face it; he's an alcoholic. Many of their classmates have taken bets that he's just waiting for her to go ahead and dump him. They're probably right. Joe finds himself growing more distant towards Chelsea by the day and he hates it. He hates himself. 

He's awake, albeit hardly, but he's still conscious enough to sit up when he sees his friend Chris come towards him. "Hey, man." he says softly, rubbing his left eye. Patrick, watching from the other side of the room thinks he's probably the cutest thing he's ever seen; or the hotest. Or maybe both. "What's up?" Chris replies. "Mm, you seen Chels?" "She left a while ago to my knowledge. Thought you knew, man." "No.." Joe shakes his head, "Fuck!" he blinks and sits straight up. "Thanks." "No problem."

Patrick watches him get up and head out the door. He sighs once he's gone and looks at his watch. It's nearly 2 AM and he should probably be getting home.

Patrick walks out the door towards his car, but he can't help but look at Joe pacing around near the lamp post. Without another thought he finally decides to confront him. They probably won't ever be seeing eachother again after this year, so they might as well part ways on good terms. Well, atleast that's what Patrick concludes. "Hey." he says quietly, going over to him. "Hey." "What's up?" "Just waiting for my friend Andy to come pick me up." "Oh, man.. Mind if I stand with you 'til he gets here?" Joe furrows his brow; "No, but I mean...why?" Patrick shrugs. "It's just.. Look, I wanna be on better terms with you, but...I gotta know something..." "What would that be?" Patrick bites his lip and looks down. 

"Do you, or did you...Feel anything for me...At like, all?" he looks back up at Joe as he sighs. "Yes, Patrick. I was very fond of you a couple of years back," 

Was? "but it's in the past." Sure, it was in the past, but Patrick still couldn't stop feeling the way he did. Did Joe just drop the memory that quickly? Does that mean that he really never meant anything to him at all?

"It was a fling, man, I'm not gay, and that summer was just an experiment." 

Patrick feels himself filling with rage and he knows it's irrational and that he should really calm down, but he can't stand the fact that he had to suffer through all of those emotions just to find out that Joe didn't feel the same- to find out that he didn't care. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions, but he still couldn't stand it. He wanted to punch something, throw something, stab something, anything, anything to let out his anger. It wasn't right, he knew that, but he was a pretty violent person when prompted and boy, this sure did prompt it. "I know it wasn't right to use you-" "Then why did you fucking do it!?" Patrick interrupts. He can't take it anymore and his anger gets the best of him as he throws a punch right at Joe's face. Joe isn't going to stand down and retaliates by shoving Patrick as hard as he can. Patrick nearly hits the ground but gains balance by grabbing onto the lamp post and immediately snaps again, "Why did you fuck with my feelings like that?! I've been pining over you for the past two years!" 

Joe almost tears up and you'd think it's because of his now bloody nose, but it's really just because for the first time in two years he realized just how much he fucked Patrick up. But he can't tear up. He can't show weakness. All he can do is shrug a simple "I'm sorry." Patrick stares at the ruby red flow coming from Joe's nose until he wipes it with his bare arm. Gross. "Fuck you." Patrick hisses, walking towards his car. "Fuck you right back!" Joe yells in response as he watches Patrick get in his car and eventually drive off. He can feel a headache coming on and he isn't sure if it's from drinking all night without eating in over 24 hours, the fact that he just got decked; or both. He just wants to go home and go to bed and forget that ever happened. Things will be the same tomorrow at school; Patrick will look over and he'll glare until he stops. They'll ignore eachother, move on, and go about their lives. Or will they?


	2. The Way You Make My Stomach Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of still centric on Patrick's point of view. Please leave a comment if you like it (or even if you hate it! i'm open to criticism and i 100% mean that!) most of this was keysmashed at 3 am.

A week goes by like normal; Patrick catches himself looking over as Joe glares back. He wants to apologise for giving him a bloody nose, but he can't bring himself to say anything, so he just sits there. It's probably healed by now and he's probably forgot, so what's the point? Patrick notices that Chelsea is still sticking around, but as he observes their conversations, they seem to grow further apart by the day. He hears her whiny ass "Joey, you promised!" in her stupid valley girl accent that usually gets him to do whatever she wants a lot more often than he used to. 

Patrick passes by Joe and Chelsea in the hallway after school on Thursday. She's got him pinned up against his locker and he's lazily letting her kiss him all over, running his hands through her bleach blonde hair that's probably even brassier than his. He sees Patrick come down the hallway and makes sure he knows- and of course he knows. He rolls his eyes and continues about his way out the door, trying to pretend it wasn't bothering him in the slightest; that's what Joe wants and he wasn't going to let him have that satisfaction. Chelsea then starts giving Joe hickeys that are sure to gain attention from his older friends Andy and Pete when they hang out later. 

When Patrick gets home he goes straight to the kitchen and starts on his homework in attempt to get his mind off of the fact that Joe is blatantly rubbing Chelsea in his face at this point- it started with subtly showing her off at parties, now it's like his mission to make sure Patrick knows they're intimate, infact they're probably fucking in the backseat of her Mustang right now so he can tell the whole school tomorrow and make sure Patrick's in the room when he does.

"Hey, when did you get home?" a soft voice asks as Patrick reads over his textbook. "Just a few minutes ago. Sorry, mom, did I wake you up?" He was always careful to keep quiet when she was asleep because he knows she's worn out from working graveyard shift for weeks straight. He's currently in the search for another job to help her out since he had to quit his old one at the end of summer due to them not being able to work out a schedule for him. His parents split up when he was pretty young, but his father was still in his life and infact was the one that gave him the car for Christmas last year, but Patrick primarily lives with his mother Patricia, who he was clearly named after. "Oh, no, not at all, don't worry." she replies. "I have to leave in less than an hour. Coffee?" "Yes, please." Patrick nods as she goes over to the coffee pot and measures out the grounds for the amount she's making. "Learn anything new today?" "Yeah," Patrick laughs, "that I should've got all of my electives out of the way in my first 3 years." "We all make mistakes sometimes." she says; and she's absolutely right, although Patrick makes mistakes more frequently than just 'sometimes'. Try maybe 'all of the time'. "Any new crushes this year?" Patrick laughs at his mother's innocent question, "No new ones, unfortunately." she sighs, sitting back down at the table. "You're still hung up over that boy, aren't you?" Patrick looks down. "Maybe not hung up... Loosely tangled, maybe..." Patricia blinks. She knows he's lying just as well as he does. "You know I will always support you, baby, and I know you can't help who you love. Trust me, do I know, but you're playing a dangerous game pining for someone who's moved on because someone's going to end up getting hurt." Patrick knows this, but he's not going to say anything because he really does need reminding and he knows that too. It is dangerous and someone did end up getting hurt. Actually, they both did, in different ways. The coffee maker beeps and Patrick closes his text book and gets up. "Three spoons of cream, right?" he asks, looking over at his mother as he pulls two mugs down from the cabinet. "Yeah, thank you." she smiles, watching him pour the coffee and cream. "Keep your chin up, baby, it'll get better. You'll get over this soon enough and eventually find a man who really loves you back, I promise." Patrick smiles, his mother always looks on the bright side of things, even if there isn't one to look at, she'll create one. "Thanks." he says, handing her a mug of coffee the way she likes it. "I love you, mom." "I love you too, Patrick." she replies, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to kiss his cheek. 

\----

Friday starts off even worse than Thursday because the first thing Patrick sees when he walks into homeroom is Joe leaned over Chelsea's desk, making out with her as she sticks her hands down the back of his shirt. The teacher isn't in yet, so nobody's saying anything about it, nor do they probably even notice. Patrick sighs and sits in his spot, putting his backpack next to his desk. He minds his own business and opens up his notebook to study for his test in Geometry later, but he can't help looking over every now and then. Joe finally comes up for air and goes over to his own desk before the teacher comes in, which he just is seated in when she arrives.

By lunch period he's 100% sure that Joe is setting out to piss him off and that makes him want to punch him again, but that would cause a scene that he didn't want happening. Patrick's sure to give Joe a glare just as cold as the one he gives him on a daily basis as he walks out the door after school to go home. Joe, who isn't accompanied by Chelsea at that moment just rolls his eyes and sighs deeply, knowing damn well he got himself into it.


	3. Disasterology

It's around 5 PM when Joe gets home that day. He took Chelsea out after school where she confronted him about the way he'd been acting lately, like she was some kind of pawn. He shrugged it off and told her not to worry, but he was still prepared for her to break up with him since that's exactly what he was doing at this point and she probably knew the answer. That's pretty much all their relationship was, sloppy make-out sessions and the rest of the time spent waiting for the other to just break it off. He sighs as he realizes how entirely fucked up their relationship is and he hopes that Chelsea will just dump his ass eventually. She's worth someone way, way better than him.

As he walks towards his front porch he can hear yelling coming from inside and he knows exactly what's going on- his mom and stepdad are at eachother's throats again. Joe knows the routine all to well and every time one of them raise their voice an octave higher, he wishes he was back in Florida with his dad. He reaches the door and remembers he can just push it open since one of them broke the lock a few weeks ago during one of their spats and its an absolute wonder that nobody's broken in yet. He's not sure what they're arguing about, but they pause when he comes in, only to start another argument. "I told you to fix that damn lock, Steven! Somebody could've broken in just then to rob us fucking blind! Some man of the house you are!" "Martha, what the hell would they steal from us?! Dope? Alcohol?" "I have valuable shit from my great grandmother in that box in the storage room, it'd be an easy steal!" Joe heads straight upstairs to his room, but he's stopped by his mother. "Where the fuck were you, Joe?!" he leans against the stair rails and looks over at her. "I was out with Chelsea, why do you care?" "I don't know because you're going to do whatever the hell you want anyways, why bother?" Joe rolls his eyes, "If you didn't think you could handle me then why didn't you let me stay in Hollywood?" "It wasn't my fault your father couldn't deal with your shit anymore." that wasn't the truth and Joe knew it, hell, she probably knew it too. The only reason he was living with her was because his father was struggling with a lot of health problems and at the time Joe was only 14. He visited him atleast once every summer and during his last visit a couple of months ago he seemed to be doing a lot better than last time, which was very comforting to Joe. Atleast his father actually acted like a parent where his mother would probably sell him for weed. She never acted like a mother towards him and it really kind of hurt. Sometimes she'd make remarks that nearly brought him to tears, but why would he let her know that? He didn't even call her "mom" that much anymore and she didn't even care if he respected her or not, it's not even like she really wanted to be his mother. "I'm going to my room, Martha." he states. "See you Monday," she replies, taking a jab at his tendency to get blackout drunk and sleep for days. He heads up the stairs, but she stops him again briefly, "Oh, when are you going to get rid of the blonde hair? You look like a faggot or something." Joe just shrugs it off and continues upstairs to his room. By time he's in there and can shut the door, he can hear Steven and his mom going at it again. He pulls his cellphone out of his back pocket and looks at it; he's got a text from Chris, inviting him to Pete's apartment tomorrow night for a 'house party', a.k.a a bunch of guys getting drunk and/or high and listening to heavy metalcore. Seems cool. He replies with a simple "Sure. See u then." and throws his phone on his bed, going over to his CD player so maybe he'll drown out the yelling going on downstairs. He doesn't even care what's in there, but when he turns it on it sounds like he listened to Deftones' 'White Pony' last. That's cool, he doesn't really care, and he knows he's about to be intoxicated anyways since his next movement is over to his dresser drawer where he keeps the alcohol he pays Pete or Chris to buy for him.

\----

Joe wasn't the only one Chris texted, oh, no, just to his luck, he texts Patrick too, because they somehow exchanged numbers over the summer and Chris always thinks to invite Patrick to anything because he thinks he's a really cool guy, he thinks it's just awesome that he's openly gay, but what he doesn't know is that it really wasn't Patrick's choice. But anyways, Patrick says he'll come, he doesn't care, as long as it wasn't today, though because his mom's off today and he wants to spend time with her and currently they're currently cooking and listening to David Bowie.

\--

Joe's out before long since he's had a long day and wasn't in the mood to go back downstairs tonight. Oh, and he was intoxicated. 

Joe wakes up at around 10:30 the next morning with atleast 5 text messages. "Geez, when did I become so popular?" he asks himself, checking them. One from Pete with what time he's expecting people to start showing up, one from his dad and....three from Chelsea. As distant as he'd been with Chelsea lately, he's still struck with a hint of panic when he sees her name highlighted on his recently texted contacts. He presses the 'ok' button when he gets to her and prepares for the worst- which is just about right.

6:45 PM: I luv u

9:30 PM: r u ignring me?

7:15 AM: wnna go out 2nite?

A missed "I love you" is never good when you're in a relationship like theirs, even worse when she asks if he's ignoring her. He decides not to text her, but instead call her. Four rings and he's scared he's not going to get her on the other line but she picks up before the sixth.

"Hey, Chels.." he says quietly since his mom and stepdad are still asleep like they usually are. Ever since Joe moved up here, he's been pretty much entirely responsible for getting up and getting himself to school in the morning, which means he either has to ask Andy, Pete or Chris for a ride or he has to take the bus which isn't too bad but he still wishes he had his own car. Maybe soon since he's applying for jobs.

"Hi." she replies in a monotone voice, definitely the opposite of the one she usually talks in. "I'm sorry I missed your texts, I-" "You know what, Joe?....Just....forget it. It's fine." "Oh...Really?" a slight sense of hope that they could work things out comes over him. He knows it's not just the texts she's upset about, but it could easily be the last straw. "Yeah, just forget it. I know you're not as into me as you are Patrick, so, I'm breaking up with you and setting you free." His heart sinks as he realizes that this apparently was the last straw. "No....No, Chelsea, that's now how it-" the calls drops and even though he expected it and kind of hoped it'd happen sometime soon, he's still at a loss for words. He even moves on to bargaining and tries to call her back. He gets closer to having a breakdown with each passing ring, finally reaching her voicemail. It's pointless and he realizes that, and even worse? She's right. He's still into Patrick and was only using her as a distraction and a pawn to maybe ward Patrick off. Joe is definitely disappointed and disgusted in his behavior, but he still did it. He tosses his phone on the floor and face-plants back into his pillow. What more could he do than sleep? He doses off for another few hours until his phone rings at 2, bringing him up out of his slumber. He leans over and picks the phone up off the floor as he brings himself to his feet. 

"Hey, man, what's up?" he asks in a drowsy voice, rubbing his left eye. "You and Chels coming in her car?" asks Chris on the other end, obviously ignorant to the fact that they broke up. Hell, he still hadn't completely realized it yet, but still, did that have to be one of the first things he heard when he woke up? "Oh...No, man, uh.." it didn't really hit Joe that he didn't have a ride until now. Damn, he needed a car. "We uh..." Chris realizes what he's trying to say immediately and interrupts so he doesn't have to say it. It's gotta hurt or atleast be awkward as hell. "Oh, oh, man, I'm sorry... That sucks.. Why don't I come pick you up around....6?" "Sure. Thanks man, I'll pay you gas money." "Great, thanks," Chris replies, "I gotta' make a stop or two after picking you up, if that's okay?" "Not a problem at all, man, you're fun to hang with." "Oh, stop ass-kissing." Chris laughs, joined by Joe. They hang up after that. He hoped he still had some cash left from a house cleaning job he did last week. Hell, he might've already spent it all on booze, but luckily enough, after hanging up, he went straight to the dresser drawer he keeps his wallet in and discovers he's still got $50. Tonight's gonna be good, he'll be surrounded by his best friends doing what they do best; fucking around and getting drunk. He'll be okay.


	4. Keep Your Feet On The Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter yet! I'm going to try my best to keep updated very often.

The hours before the party are all but unproductive for Patrick, who's in job applications at a few places that he hasn't tried yet, all prior to 3 pm. While out, he ran a few errands that his mom asked him to this morning and even made time to grab a cup of coffee. It's really nice to be independent, but as much as he hates to admit it, he's slowly starting to lose hope in finding a job. Sure, he doesn't have the most built-up resume, but he does have a good word in from his former boss that he wished helped a little more. He still keeps some hope though, because a position might open up somewhere soon with school starting back heavily and maybe, just maybe, someone decides they can't handle a job and school at the same time, of course, Patrick doesn't blame the person in theory because if it weren't for his mother he probably would've dropped out of school completely. Not only has senior year proved to be kicking his ass academically, it's also kicking his ass emotionally and about half-way through his commute he realizes that he's more than likely going to see Joe and Chelsea at this party and considers flaking briefly, but it doesn't take too long for him to change his mind back completely because he needs a drink or two and the only way he's going to get that is if he goes to this party since his mom's pretty straight-edge and he's too lazy (and broke) to pay someone to buy alcohol for him or get a fake ID. Besides, it shouldn't be too hard to avoid them and there's probably going to be more people there since he knows Pete definitely has a lot of friends. He seems like the type. So, yeah, no big deal, or atleast he hopes. As long as it isn't a repeat of last weekend. 

Patrick heads home at around 4 to start getting ready. He'd already told his mom he was going to hang out with a few friends when he got the text yesterday. She wasn't opposed to it at all, she was glad that her son was making friends and keeping up a social life instead of exhausting himself in schoolwork. Her only requirements were for him to let her know when he was leaving (if she wasn't home when he did) and to let her know when he came home. He kept to his word every time and because of this, she trusted him.

He contemplates showering, but decides there's kind of just no point in it by time he gets home and instead just heads straight to the kitchen to find a bowl of cereal or something so he's not a lightweight at the party. That'd just be lame and embarassing. 

By 5:45 he's ready to go and kisses his mom goodbye. He's made sure his phone is 100% charged so he can call her incase he needs to and starts out the door. "Promise me you won't get too drunk to drive." she says, stopping him in his tracks. "I promise, mom.. But if I do..." "If you do then please stay with one of your friends?" "Okay. I'll let you know." he nods. "Love you!" she says one last time before he leaves, "I love you too, mom!" he replies as he heads out the door.

\---

Joe's so zoned out he nearly seems dead. Actually, Chris looks over in the passenger seat every now and then to make sure he's actually breathing. "Was tonight a bad night?" Chris finally gains the balls to ask. Joe shakes his head. "Nah, I need to get my mind off of shit anyways." he replies, "Thanks, man." "No problem. I gotta' make a quick stop at the gas station and uh.. The liquor store 'cause if I don't I won't even be allowed to step foot into Pete's digs." Joe laughs slightly, "You know that isn't true, man, Pete's gonna start sucking on your face the minute you park in his driveway I'm sure." "Oh, I dunno," Chris shrugs, "He' been hanging out with some scrawny frat boy lately. Could be game over for us as an item. Like we ever were one." Joe rolls his eyes and smirks. "He isn't into scrawny frat boys.. He's into tattooed guitarists with a bit of muscle. Like you." Chris laughs at the reassurance. "He loves me." "Yep." 

\---

Patrick arrives at Pete's appartment just a little after 6. He can tell he's at the right place when he hears Metallica playing, albeit not very loud through the already cracked open door. He loosely knocks and Pete answers it almost immediately. "I take it this is where the party is?" Patrick asks. "Yeah, man, come on in." Pete replies, pushing the door open completely. It seems that the party hasn't quite begun, but there's already a couple of guys there. Andy is one of them and Patrick recognizes the other as a guy named Adam that he met over the summer. Patrick has no problem with that and sits on the couch with Andy, who's playing on his gameboy. "Hey, Patrick." Andy says as sits down. "What's up?" Patrick replies. He's then greeted by an ice cold can on his arm. "Last one out of the box and I'm giving it to you." says Adam. Patrick gladly accepts it. "Thanks, man, you're my new best friend." he laughs. "A few other guys are coming over," Pete says, "So the party isn't that flat. And don't worry, my boy Chris should be here any minute with some more booze-" Patrick isn't paying too much attention to what Pete's saying, but he nods anyways. "-and he's bringing your friend Joe." that last part really catches Patrick's attention. Why does Pete think Joe is his 'friend'? Does he talk about him? "Oh." Patrick replies, "That's cool." "Yeah," Pete continues, "His girly ditched him this morning so he's tagging along with Chris." "Chelsea?" asks Patrick. Duh, that's the only girlfriend he's had recently. "I think that's her name." Pete laughs, "Do I look like I can keep up with people's names?" Patrick can't tell if it's going to be better or worse on him that Joe's coming without Chelsea. Is it going to end up like last weekend? Patrick takes a drink out of his beer and hopes he doesn't let his anger get the best of him when Joe shows up. 

\--

After filling up the tank of Chris' car and stopping at the liquor store to get a twelve pack and a decent-sized bottle of fireball Chris makes his way over into the driveway of the apartment building Pete lives in. He grabs the fireball and Joe helps him out by grabbing the twelve pack. Chris locks his car up and they head towards the front door of the apartment building. They get to the elevator and Chris presses the floor that Pete's apartment is on when they get in. "Still got it, man?" he asks, looking over at Joe who's still got the twelve pack in tact. "Yeah." he replies. The elevator hits the floor and they walk towards his apartment. Since the door's cracked, Chris just pushes it open knowing that Pete won't care- they've got beer and whiskey. Joe nearly drops the twelve pack at the doorframe when he sees Patrick over on the couch. "Hey," he says, continuing on towards the cooler in the middle of the livingroom. "Delivery service." "Thank God!" Adam says, running to open the cooler. "You guys are life-savers, y'know that?" "Don't mention it." Joe replies, getting on his knees and opening the box of beer so he can start to fill up the cooler. Adam joins in by going to the kitchen and grabbing a bag of ice out of the freezer. Patrick takes another drink out of his beer, kind of glad that Joe's too focused with filling the cooler to pay him too much attention, but he knows they'll have to talk to eachother sometime tonight. "Hey, what took so long?" Pete asks. "I had to fill up my fuckin' car because you've always got me running around for booze." Chris replies. "Like you don't benefit from these beer runs too." Pete says, rolling his eyes. "Shut up or I'll eat your cute little ass right here infront of the guys." "Hey, can't you faggots take that to the bedroom?" Adam laughs, coming back into the livingroom with the bag of ice that he proceeds to pour over the beers when Joe's done filling the cooler. "Hey, hey, no homophobia in my fuckin' shack, Bishop." Pete laughs, giving Chris a smeck on the cheek. "Told you he loves you." Joe says, getting up off of his knees and grabbing a beer out of the cooler before closing the lid. Chris returns the kiss to Pete and wraps an arm around him. "I know he does." "So, what are we gonna do?" Andy asks, putting his gameboy down. "Board game? Ecstasy?" "Well," Pete says. "We can turn the music up a little bit tonight 'cause the people nextdoor are out of town for the weekend. Oh, and, check this out." he moves out of Chris' grip and turns the light off. "Bro, what the fuck?" Adam asks. "Disco light." Pete says as he flicks on a strobe light in the shape of a crystal ball that was sitting on the coffee table. "So that's what that thing is for?" Andy asks. "Got it yesterday." Pete says proudly, "Isn't it sick?" "Pretty sick." Chris replies, turning the volume up on Pete's CD player. In the midst of the strobe lights and heavy metal, Patrick can't help but notice Joe leaning in the corner. Pete and Chris soon start sucking eachother's faces off, leaving the other four to their own devices. Patrick decides it's time to start an actual conversation that doesn't end with him punching Joe in the nose. If they're going to keep hanging in the same circle, they might as well become civil with eachother again and he's now determined to make that happen. He gets up and goes over to him with a slight smile on his face. Joe seems unphased. "I'm sorry that I punched you in the nose." "It's fine," Joe shrugs, "I probably deserved it, I mean.." "I didn't intend on getting violent with you, I just have a short temper when provoked and I need to work on that. You're not gay nor do you have an interest in me anymore and I need to respect that and step down." Joe seems interested in what Patrick's saying, but he doesn't say anything else until Patrick's finished. "I want to be on civil terms with you, maybe even friends. If we're going to be hanging out in the same crowd, going to the same school and living in the same town, we might as well put everything behind us. I'm tired of being mad at you, Joe, I mean that." "I'm an asshole." Joe says bluntly, "I purposely made it clear to you that I had a girlfriend, I made sure you saw us getting intimate and I knew exactly what it was doing to you. I'm sorry, too, Patrick, and if you want to be friends again, I'm down for it. But on that note, I totally understand if you don't want to forgive me for what I've been putting you through." Patrick feels like the weight and anxiety of the past two years has just been lifted off of his shoulders. It felt so nice to get a straight answer out of Joe about where he stands and even better that he was willing to work on where they stand with eachother so quickly. "Yeah, I would really like that." he smiles, sticking out his hands. "Friends?" Joe nods and shakes Patrick's hand. Sure, Patrick would love to be a hell of a lot more than friends right now and the way Joe can grip onto his hand isn't helping much, but it's definitely a start. "Friends." Joe replies. They let go of eachother's hands and Patrick blushes slightly, figuring if Joe asks he can just blame it on Pete's multi-colored strobe lights. "But, for the record-" Joe says quietly, about to impulsively tell Patrick that he still thinks about him all the time and in his dreams, but his fear or whatever you'd call it gets the best of him before he can actually say it. "Actually, just forget about it.." Patrick isn't going to harp on what he was about to say, but that doesn't mean he isn't curious as hell. Is it about him? Is it about Chelsea? Nevermind, it doesn't mater.. Well, it does, but it shouldn't.


	5. Too Young [I Hate To Love You]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap chapter of what happened between them over that summer and then some.

Patrick huffs in frustration as he struggles to keep his kite in the air. Either he wasn't cut out for this, or the weatherman lied about how windy it was gonna be. He'd like to think the latter, but the former was probably more realistic. Patrick's not a quitter, though, and keeps his chin up in hopes it'll be smooth sailing this next time and starts running off again. The kite rises, which he takes as a good sign and stops running to see his progress. It's floating again, but to his dismay a gust of wind comes through, tangling his kite in a tree branch before he can think any more about it. "Fuck!" he whispers to himself, kind of insecure about anyone hearing. Sure, Patrick was 15, but with his height he was certain that people mistook him for 13, maybe 12 and he'd gotten hit with the "Aren't you a little too young to be using that word?" before by random adults in public who heard him cuss. His height was also a problem here, though, because he couldn't quite reach the tree branch to untangle his kite and he'd came alone so that was another issue there. Patrick surrenders as he drops the wooden string spool and sits down next to the tree to sulk a good minute. He'll think of something eventually, maybe. Besides, it's a nice day, so why not just enjoy it without fighting with a piece of paper on a string? He leans back on the tree and considers taking a short nap or something, but then again, anything could happen in a park so he thinks against it and instead watches someone else flying their kite in the distance, mentally taking notes for the next time he tries to give it a go. He decides that he's probably going to go across the street in a few minutes to get ice cream from the parlor before going home, but then realizes he's going to have to untangle his kite before that, which reminds him of why he's sitting down. While watching the other kite fly around and thinking about his next plans he can see something in the corner of his eye approaching him. Patrick was a pretty alert person and looked up to see a guy, possibly around his age standing infront of him. It was hard to tell, though, he seems a lot taller than him. "Oh, hi." Patrick says, "Hey." the other guy replies, "Is the kite yours?" he asks, pointing up at the branch. "Yeah, I was just thinking of a way to get it out, but.." Patrick stands up, "You see, I'm pretty short." "I think I can reach it, do you want me to?" "Yes, please!" Patrick replies, his face lighting up. "What's your name, kind stranger?" "Joe," he replies, finding the end of the string the kite is tied to. "what about yours?" "Patrick." "Nice to meet you, Patrick, grab your spool." Patrick does so and once he finds the proper end, it doesn't take Joe too long to unwrap the kite. "Start reeling." he says, holding onto the kite until Patrick does so. Once he gets it reeled in he decides it's best to just leave it alone. "Thanks, man." "Not a problem. You fly often?" "It's actually my first time and judging by the way it went today, probably my last time." Patrick laughs, "But I spent a lot of time on making this thing, so thanks again for unwrapping it. I'll probably put it on my wall or something." "Sick." "So, what brings you here, Joe? Just wandering around untangling people's kites?" he laughs again. "Sorry, that was lame." Joe just smirks. "Nah, I just came for a walk and to pet people's dogs, y'know.. I just moved in with my mom and stepdad here so I'm trying to get familiar with the place before I start school in August." "Cool. How are you liking it so far?" Patricks asks. "It's cool, I guess. I mean the city, that is. It's not Hollywood by no means, but I'll get used to it. My mom on the other hand....Let's just say I prefer my dad." "Sorry to hear that. I'm lucky, I guess.. I have a decent relationship with both of my parents and my stepmom's pretty cool.. Hollywood? You've been there?" Joe laughs. "Ohh, no, Hollywood, Florida.. That's where I lived before." 

Wanna go get ice cream with me or something?" "Sure." Joe replies, "I should have enough." "Rad. Let's go."

-

Patrick and Joe have known eachother for couple of weeks now, but it feels like they've been best friends their entire lives. They have a cool blanket fort set up in Joe's room late one night because Patrick's getting to stay over at his house tonight. They watched movies for hours until Steven told them to go to bed, but those were his exact words; "Go to bed." not "Go to sleep." so, yeah, they did go to bed, but they didn't go to sleep. They instead stay up talking in their neat blanket fort, originally about one of the movies they watched. Some way or another they get off on the topic of dating, which neither have done and really kind of feel like losers since Patrick's 15 and going to be a sophomore in a few months. Actually, Joe is too, despite not turning 15 until September, the reason for that is because he worked his ass off in school last year so his dad would by him a guitar, he ended up being able to skip a grade and advance into sophomore year which is kind of comforting since he knows he'll already atleast have one friend in the same grade as him, and that's obviously Patrick. 

"I've never had my first kiss before," Joe says with a slight shrug, "So I feel like I'm gonna look like an idiot when I get my first girlfriend, y'know.." "They make dolls for that." Patrick laughs, Joe furrows his brows. "I know but that's even weirder! I'm not gonna make out with a doll!" they're both laughing, but trying to keep it down since Steven would probably be busting down the door if he heard. "Me neither, though, man, we could practice on eachother." the laugher stops. "Eachother?" Joe asks, "Isn't that gay though?" Patrick shakes his head. "Nah, not if we're just practicing. It's not like we're together or anything." Yeah, it's definitely gay, but they're both too desperate to make a good impression when the time comes for their first kisses in theory to realize that it really would be gay. "But we're not guys who like guys." Joe reassures. "Right, we're guys who like girls... But we're practicing on eachother so we'll look better when we do kiss girls." Patrick states again. "Yeah, let's try it.. I'll be the girl, you be the guy." Joe nods. They stare at eachother for a second, still unsure of what they're doing exactly. Patrick grabs Joe's arm and pulls him closer, almost into his lap. They let their noses touch but get giggly again before actually doing it. After laughing for nearly a minute straight they try again, this time just going straight in. They feel their lips touch and Patrick is tempted to pull back, but realizes he needs to keep his lips on Joe's for atleast a couple of seconds to make it work. Those couple of seconds pass, but both are oddly comfortable and don't pull away. Joe moans slightly which makes Patrick slightly uncomfortable because doesn't moaning mean that you like it? And guys don't like to kiss other guys. Not unless they're gay, but his body seems to control itsself as he wraps his arms around Joe and in that moment it makes sense.. It makes perfect since that maybe he could be a guy who likes guys. Atleast this guy. When they finally pull away their eyes lock; Joe's deep blues on Patrick's baby blues. In that moment, Joe feels a lot more mature than he was before his lips touched Patrick's. A brief feeling of anxiety passes over him but it fades away when Patrick smiles. "Hey, Joe..." "Y-Yeah, Patrick?" "C-Can I say something?" "I'm a bad kisser, aren't I?" Patrick would laugh, but he can't. This is serious. "No...Not at all... Is it weird that I....I liked it?...." Joe blinks because he feels the exact same and the feeling of anxiety comes back over him. "I-I don't know...." he replies, starting to get panicky. "Patrick, I don't know but......I liked it too..." Patrick nods slowly, "So....That's why you moaned?" Joe nods. It's clear that he's on the brink of tears because his mom, and probably his dad, too, would absolutely disown him if they found out he likes to kiss other guys. "It's......It's okay....I-I think..." Patrick sighs, "Atleast that's what my mom says, but....Nobody can know, still because bad things happen to gay people.." "I know." Joe says, tears flowing. "Patrick, I feel weird...I feel different and....Wrong.." Patrick's a bit confused about what he should do next, so he just hugs Joe instead. "You're not wrong, Joe.. You're not hurting anything or anyone because you like other guys, okay?" Joe hugs Patrick back tighter and starts crying into his shoulder, trying his best to keep it down so Steven doesn't hear him and come barging in. "Neither of us are wrong. We just like kissing eachother, apparently.. And kissing is good. It's...It's natural. It's a sign of love, and the world needs more love and less hate." a few minutes pass and Joe finally calms down enough for them to let go of eachother. Patrick wipes the last few tears out of his eyes with the corner of one of their blankets and pats his shoulder. "Calm down.. It's okay. We're okay.. Let's just get some sleep, my mom's probably gonna pick me up at around 10 in the morning." Joe nods. "Okay." Patrick turns out the mini lantern and they get situated in their pallets, but their new found attraction for eachother soon leads to Patrick moving closer towards Joe, who rolls over and clings to Patrick, still seeking comfort. "We're good people, right?" he asks, his fingers starting to twiddle with Patrick's hair. "Of course." Patrick reassures, "We're still good people. Kissing eachother doesn't change that." Joe lets out a shaky sigh of relief, "So does that mean we can kiss again?" Patrick smiles, he was kind of hoping Joe would ask that again but he wasn't going to ask himself because he knew he was scared. "Yes." he replies. They do kiss again, and it's as comforting as the first time, maybe even more now because they expected it. They fall asleep soon after.

They know they have to keep it lowkey in public, at Joe's house, and at Patrick's house too until they let his mom know. They're not too worried, though, because Patrick knows that she's fine with gay people and gay people being gay infront of her. She's cool like that and Patrick loves her for it, amongst many other things of course. They still hold hands when possible, kiss eachother's cheek when no one's looking, and act just like any straight couple in public, minus the out loud "I love you"s and kisses. Nobody can tell anything's up because that's just how best friends act. It's thrilling, exciting, but also scary too. 

Late July comes and they decide it's time to let Patrick's mom know. They do it in the most casual way possible.

"Mom, this is Joe." Patrick says, smiling. Patricia laughs. She already knows him, why would they have to be introduced again? "Hi, Joe, nice to meet you....Again." All three of them can't help but laugh until Patrick stops. "Okay, no," Patrick says, "You know Joe as my friend, but..." Joe grabs Patrick's hand like planned. Patricia raises an eyebrow. "This is my...." Patrick realizes he's never called Joe his boyfriend out loud, so it's kind of weird to say it. "Joe's my..." he's frozen again and Joe sighs, which Patrick expected, what he didn't expect was him to say what he did next. "I'm kissing your son, Mrs. Stump." he says. "We're together.. More than friends." "You're together, now? Like boyfriends?" Patricia asks. "Yeah." Patrick replies, "Mom, I'm gay." "Okay." she says, just as calmly as she would if he were to walk in holding hands with a girl. "That's fine, Patrick, but please.." "We know." he says, knowing that she was about to go on about how dangerous it would be for them to kiss openly in public. Sure, it might have been a lot safer now than it would've been in the 90s, 80s, 70s, etc. but Patricia really didn't want them taking any chances and they luckily weren't. "We've talked about it a lot." she nods. "I'm sorry it has to be that way. But I'm happy for you two. I wish you the best." They smile and Joe kisses Patrick on the cheek. They're happy with eachother, they like holding hands and kissing. It's good and pure.

But Patricia wasn't the only one who knew that Patrick was with another boy like that. He made the mistake of telling his "friend" Cameron that he liked boys. He never told Cameron the name of the boy that made him find that out, but he gave off hints every now and then. By time school started, Cameron had already told the whole school that Patrick was gay simply because he could and felt like it. When the rumors came back to Joe he immediately dropped contact with Patrick in fear that he would be found out too and that it'd boomerang to his mother somehow. Joe dropped Patrick so quickly that there wasn't any time for it to sink in by time the rumors (which were true) came all the way back to Patrick himself. He felt like he had just had the rug pulled from beneath his feet the first time he was shoved against a locker by one of the football players and told to "Stay away from him because he's not gay". 

Patrick didn't face that much physical bullying for some reason, but the fact that nobody ever wanted to talk to him much after that hurt a lot. What hurt the most was that the one person he felt the closest to- the person he clicked with on so many levels wouldn't talk to him at all after that. Every time he looked at Joe, he'd turn around and glare. 

He tried to contact Joe multiple times over the next summer, but to no avail. His last resort was dialing *67 before Joe's cell number in late July 2002. Dialing *67 before a number on your phone will allow you to block your number's ID from the person receiving the call. God bless *67. Three rings and Joe picked up. Patrick could speak nine words before Joe realized who it was and hung up. The nine words Patrick spoke were clear and expected. The nine words that would haunt Joe for the rest of the summer, the rest of the next school year and the rest of his life after that. Those nine words were simply "You were my first heartbreak and therefore the worst."


	6. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back into the present day. (Well, the present day that this story is set, 2002.)

By midnight, Pete's apartment has already gotten slightly crowded by his friends and their latest flavors. There's probably around 13 or 14 people and after the last couple showed up, Andy went ahead and locked the door because they couldn't handle anyone else. Adam had already made another beer run and someone had changed Pete's Metallica CD to somebody's mixtape, but he's hammered and too busy slobbering all over Chris to even remotely care. Joe and Patrick have spent the past few hours chatting the way they did the summer they met. Both are kind of shocked about how quickly they clicked agai. It's like nothing ever happened between them, but it feels great because they still know things about eachother that not even their mothers know. Patrick can't help but wonder if Joe is going to act like he'd been before monday but he tries not to worry too much because atleast right now they're doing great, even if they are both flat-out drunk. 

"Man, Pete's strobe lights are making me dizzy as hell." Joe states, taking the last drink out of his can of beer. "Shit, me too." Patrick replies, playing with the tab off of a beer can. "I'd turn 'em off, but ehh..." "He'd kick our asses if we tried, man.." Joe crushes his emptied can with his hands and sets it aside. They're currently sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall over on one side of Pete's livingroom, trying to stay out of the way. "I think I've done gotten too drunk to drive." Patrick states. Joe shrugs. "Just stay here, I'm sure everyone else is gonna'. Pete's apartment is like a motel or someshit when he throws these." "Seems plausible." Patrick replies, "I think I'll just stop drinking right now and see how I feel in an hour.. What are you gonna' do, man?" "I'm gonna' curl up in his bathtub even if I have to fight Bill for it." Patrick starts laughing at Joe's reply. "Good luck." "Thanks, I'm gonna' need it." they go quiet for a minute as if they have nothing else to talk about. Joe raises an eyebrow when realizes what song starts playing and Patrick almost laughs when he does too. Actually, he does. "Oh....I wanna' fuck you like an animal." he replies as he starts laughing again, probably a little more than he should, but Joe isn't going to say anything; he thinks it's the cutest thing in the world when he laughs. Even in the time that he spent acting like he didn't know or care about him, he still had to admit he was attracted to his laugh and probably always would be. It brought back nice memories of the summer he felt the happiest and safest. "Dude, come over sometime and we can blast The Downward Spiral. Martha fuckin' hates Nine Inch Nails, we can piss her off." Patrick stops laughing and wipes a tear. "Won't that like, get you in trouble?" Joe shrugs. "We get into arguments about dumb shit like that all the time. It's Steven I gotta worry about." Patrick s face shifts from laughter to slight concern within a second. "Why's that?" he asks, tilting his head. "Oh, he starts a literal fight with me over shit sometimes. He's like a really strong toddler." Patrick furrows his eyebrows. "Wait... Your stepfather tries to beat you up?" Joe laughs once and only once. "Yeah, bottom line, he tries. I can fight back, though." "Oh." Patrick always knew Steven had a temper but he didn't realize he literally fought Joe sometimes. He drops the conversation because he knows that Joe really doesn't want to keep talking about it, but he can't help but look back on the night of their first kiss, the way it brought tears because Joe was that scared of Steven finding out. Joe's life at home just sucked, bottom line. Closer by Nine Inch Nails is playing still playing, as the song seems to go on forever. They're quiet and Patrick focuses his attention over on Andy hugging Pete tightly like a boa constrictor strangling it's prey. Pete's laughing, though, and so is Andy. He knows they wouldn't hurt eachother. His mind seems to go blank until he's slightly startled by Joe coughing, but it's very brief and he starts mouthing along to Closer. Patrick smiles as he's overwhelmed by the urge to move in and kiss him like they did when they were younger. It's nice to be close to him again, but just how close he wonders. Close enough for what he wants to do? Surely not.. He just got him back in his life, why would he want to ruin that? Joe isn't gay. But the way he looks when he turns around and smiles sure makes Patrick wish he was. "You good?" he asks. That makes it even worse. He's showing compassion towards him. "Just fine." Patrick replies, nodding. "How are you?" Joe shrugs. "I'm alright." Patrick tries to turn away but he really can't. He has Joe face-to-face again. It's really no better to be safe than sorry, right? Right. Atleast that's what goes through Patrick's mind as he lets his hand move to the back of Joe's head as he moves closer. Joe knows exactly what he's doing, but he doesn't fight it. He smiles instead. "It's the booze." he says as Patrick moves closer. "Right." he replies, leaning in and pressing his lips up against Joe's. It's just the booze, though. Patrick knows he's not gay. But he missed this, he missed this so fucking much and even if this is the last time he ever talks to Joe again it's worth it, it's so fucking worth it because atleast he could call this their last kiss and if it really is, (which of course it would be) he needs to make it count. He pins Joe down on the floor, climbing on top of him slowly. Joe tries to fight back but ends up just wrapping his arms around Patrick. What was next? Was he going to fuck him or something? Was he sure he wanted that? When Patrick finally pulls out of the kiss his eyes meet Joe's- he looks scared. He looks nearly as scared as he was the very first time they kissed, but this time he wasn't crying- he was just staring. Patrick realizes that he probably just gave his boundaries a big "fuck you" and crawls off of him. "I-I'm sorry." "I know you still wanted to do that. It's fine." Joe sits up and wraps his arms around himself. Patrick knows he really shouldn't have done that, he's obviously making him uncomfortable. Why was he so impulsive? Why did he do that? "Joe, I'm sorry. I know you're not gay and I should've respected that. I shouldn't have done that." he says on the verge of tears. "Patrick, it's fine." "No, it's not. It's not okay at all, in some places that's considered rape or something." "It wasn't rape, Patrick, trust me. Calm down." "I can't calm down, I can't.. I just stepped over your boundaries and we just became friends again-" his worriesome rant is interrupted by Joe pressing his lips against his briefly. He doesn't make it too long, but that split second that it happens is more than enough reassurance for Patrick. "See?" Joe says as he pulls away, "I'm good. It's chill." Patrick nods slowly, "We're chill, man?" "Mhm." Joe hums, pulling himself up close next to Patrick, who doesn't really know what to do, but takes a chance anyways and puts an arm around him. He isn't even going to dare to ask what they are now because he knows that whatever just happened could likely mean nothing the next morning. Like Joe said, it's just the booze.


	7. Afterglow

Patrick's eyes snap open at 8:30 am but he immediately squints once he realizes the direct sunlight is hitting him, which is definitely not nice on the headache that he's greeted with when he wakes up on the floor of the storage room in Pete's apartment, a.k.a the extra bedroom that Pete instead uses to just shove his basses and shit in. A brief second of panic comes over him when he realizes he's not at home, but fades when he remembers texting his mom that he was staying over the night. He still feels like that woman is way too patient with his bullshit. An arm is draped over him and he knows exactly who the arm belongs to; Joe, of course. Patrick can't help but smile as he rolls over to face the blonde who seems to still be asleep. They'd apparently crawled in here sometime during the early AM, but Patrick can't seem to recollect the memory of doing so. It doesn't matter, though. Everything's fine, even if Joe decides to drop contact with him again, atleast he knows they had last night- or this morning, rather. "You're cute." Patrick says in a voice so quiet that it's just a higher tone away from being a whisper. Joe smiles and removes his arm off of Patrick, using it to rub the side of his face before opening his eyes. "As if." he replies, to Patrick laughs softly at. He's stopped in his tracks when Joe playfully nudges him and gets up. "You're cuter, though." "Where you going, man? You leavin' me?" Patrick whines, still laying on the floor. His head hurts and it's going to take a few minutes before he can collect his thoughts to drive. "I'm going to take a piss, man, I'll be back." he starts to leave as Patrick slowly sits up. "Hey, Joe?" he then asks before he can leave the room completely. "Dude, what?" Patrick didn't really think this through, but it was worth a shot. "How much do you like me?" Joe blinks and shakes his head. "I don't.. I don't like you." he looks down and then back over at Patrick. "Because I still love you." Patrick's caught off gaurd and is beginning to wonder if his ears are deceiving him- did he really just admit he still loved him? Joe isn't gay, so he better check again. "You.....Still love me?" Patrick asks, pointing to his own chest in slight disbelief. Joe nods. "I'll love you forever, Patrick.." he smiles before leaving. Patrick just blinks and lays back down on the floor, covering his face with his hands. His headache only worsens as he remembers that he has a shit ton of homework to do today, but he tries not to think too much about it, atleast until he can get some coffee. He'll probably stop by Kelly's diner on his way home to get some and probably something for breakfast as well. But for right now, all he can focus on is the fact that Joe just said that he still loved him and that he would love him forever. Now, Patrick knows that forever can sometimes mean nothing, but in that moment it feels like everything. Does that mean that Joe could see them still together in their 20s, even 30s? It's a small sense of hope, but Patrick also knows that out of all of the things that Joe's mother was, she was also quite the homophobe. But it doesn't matter, does it? They'll be 18 soon! They can run away and- Patrick's thoughts are interrupted when Joe comes back into the room and beats on the wall. "Morning, sunshine!" he uncovers his face and looks up at him, smiling. Yeah, he still loves him and he can believe that. Atleast for right now. He gets up and follows Joe into the main area. Andy and Adam are curled up together on Pete's couch while Pete himself is arguing with Chris over the "correct" way to scrub a puke stain up off of the carpet. "Mornin', Wentz." Joe says, causing them both to glare over at him. "Hey, Trohman," Pete says, "the fuck were you?" "In your storage room." Pete gasps dramatically and Joe can already tell he's in the mood to punch him on this fine Sunday morning. "Hope you used protection!" he says, sarcastically. "Very funny." Patrick deadpans. Chris is currently focused on scrubbing up the puke stain, but it seems nearly in vain to try now and they'll probably have to just pull the coffee table over it. "You got a ride home, kid?" he asks, directing the question at Joe even though he doesn't look up at him. "Yeah," Patrick says on a whim, "me." Pete nods. "Sounds about right, you two looked pretty close last night." "This morning." Chris corrects in a smart-ass tone, just to get a rise out of Pete- it was so fun riling him up. "AM, PM, what's the fucking difference when you don't sleep?" he asks, "You missed a spot." "Your fuckin' house, asswipe." "Well it was your friend's fuckin' barf." Patrick can't help but smirk at their petty spat. "Alright, Joe, I'm gonna go piss and then I'm taking you home. Deal?" "Deal." Joe nods, "Oh, and-" "Bill's in the bathtub?" Patrick asks, remembering the brief mention during their conversation earlier. "Yep."


	8. My Favorite Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're this far in, congrats! I feel like I use periods way, way too much. Maybe leave a critique in the comment section?

It's September 12th and has been a full month since the events of the party. Neither Joe nor Patrick are 100% where they're currently at. They haven't kissed anymore and seem to act like they're just friends when they're at school. Neither have really had time to go to any other parties since they're both working now, which is both a relief and pretty stressful. They both know they have to do it, though, so they don't complain much. Patrick makes a paycheck as a Domino's delivery boy and Joe works both drive-through and dine-in at McDonald's. Other than school, they don't really hang out too much anymore, but they text every now and then, atleast knowing that they're on good terms. That doesn't mean that the kiss doesn't cross either of their minds, however. Infact, it does a lot for both parties. Both of them have laid awake thinking about it here and there. Patrick has a notebook where he's written down events that take place in a reoccuring dream he's had lately. In the dream, they're at a party, but it's not like the one they kissed during at Pete's house. It feels much more formal and he's dressed up like so, and while he can never make out the other people in the room, they're blurred faces, staring at him, judging him and waiting for him to make his next move. The one face he can always make out is Joe's, obviously, but it's strange, though because he's sober, standing straight up and looking Patrick directly in the eyes. He has a much more romantic aura to him and sometimes Patrick gets as far as kissing him, but he usually wakes up while he's still staring. He wouldn't tell Joe about the dream, though because he's still under the impression Joe only kissed him because he was drunk that night. It doesn't matter too much to Patrick, though. It's not that strange or off-putting, just a little weird that he keeps having it. 

He passes Joe in the hallway that morning at school like always, but he decides to backtrack and spark a conversation, maybe see if he cares about the date as much as he does. He probably doesn't, though, why is it important? And why did Patrick remember the date anyways?

"Morning." he says, leaning against the locker next to Joe's. He's currently digging around for something and it seems like his locker is as much of a disaster as Patrick's room is. "Hey, 'Rick." he replies. "How's work?" Joe finds what he was looking for- his science binder, apparently. "It's a wonder I haven't got fired yet." he replies, closing his locker. Patrick raises an eybrow, "Why's that, man?" "Fucked up an order the other day, burnt myself countless times, and when I'm not doing that I'm dropping change between the car and the drive-through window." Patrick smirks, "I'm sure you've gotta' be doing something right." Joe just shrugs. "How's your job treating you?" "Oh, I'm doing pretty well." he says, proudly. "I've had to deliver for multiple impatient and rude customers over the past 2 weeks and not once have I thrown a punch." "Congrats, congrats. I'm proud of you." "Me too." Patrick says as he stands up straight. Joe knew how violent Patrick could get when provoked- he'd been like that ever since he met the guy and getting clocked by him last month wasn't the first time he was on the wrong end of his wrath, even if they had been on good terms when it happened. They head towards homeroom and begin talking about the wildest experiences they've had on their jobs so far- just casual talk. 

They don't converse again that day until lunch period, but even then it doesn't get very far. At this point, Patrick figures it's pointless to bring the date up to Joe and decides to just forget about it. Why would he care? 

By the end of the day, Patrick's all but forgotten, but he has today off and plans on going home, catching up with homework before he gets too behind and going to bed early. He intends on going through with those plans until he sees Joe in the hallway as he heads out the main door. "Can I talk to you?" he asks. Why can't he just go on? Why does he have to know everything? Joe turns to make a remark about how they've talked a couple of times today, but he holds it back because the look on Patrick's face looks serious. "Yeah, man," he replies, "What's up?" he asks. Patrick's tugging on the straps of his backpack, obviously hesitant and nervous. "Um.." Joe watches Patrick look around like someone's watching him or something while he's shifting around in his sneakers. He's pretty confused and worried because he's seen him around all day and he seemed like his normal, laid-back self. What could've changed? "It's been a month." Joe knew exactly what he meant, surprisingly, and could've sworn he saw stars as the rug had been pulled from beneath his feet. Maybe he was about to have a stroke or something. Of course he knew it had been a month. Of course he remembered shit like that. He remembers from tiny, irrelevant details. He remembers staring at Pete's calendar as the buzz was setting in that night; he remembers because August 11th was the day Chelsea broke up with him because the messages she sent before the call were still lingering in his phone and he knows for a fact that the kiss was past midnight of the next day and even further so, he vividly remembers the way Patrick tasted of cheap beer that night every time he hears "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. He's found himself playing that song on repeat whenever he listens to The Downward Spiral and that was actually quite a lot lately. Patrick furrows his brow as he stares at Joe. He looks like he's going to puke or something, and to be honest, that wasn't ruled completely out in that moment. "It has." he states. "Can we talk about this another-" "I'll drive you home." Patrick interrupts. "We need to talk about it now." Joe follows Patrick out to his car, surprised he can even walk straight. Joe admitted to himself a while ago that he really wasn't straight- he wasn't sure what he was, but considering his definite attraction to girls, he would just claim himself as bisexual. Internally, of course, becuase that was still a problem, though. It meant that he still liked men. Especially this specific one. He meant everything he said that morning after about loving Patrick forever even if finding that out was an accident. But in the end, it was his favorite accident. They get in Patrick's car and he mutes the radio. Joe throws his backpack in the floorboard and sinks back in the passenger seat. "I need to know right now where you stand with me." Patrick says sternly. Joe is slightly taken off gaurd. He already told him this shit. "Really?" "Yes, Joseph Mark Trohman, I need to fucking know how you feel." "I told you how I feel." Joe raises his voice and Patrick stares. "I told you that I would love you forever later that morning." Patrick blinks. If he really loved him, why wasn't he showing it more? Why was he acting like that again? Sure, his mother and stepfather were in the picture, but he wasn't always around them, so why couldn't he just flat-out act like he liked him? Atleast text him or call him? Hasn't he made it obvious that he likes Joe a lot? He wouldn't be starting a conversation about the kiss if he didn't. He rolls his eyes and puts his car in reverse, not saying a word. In the petty mindset that he's adopted in this moment, he thinks that if he makes Joe beg for it he'll start paying him attention. Joe doesn't realize this, though and sighs in frustration when he realizes he's not getting a reply. He sinks even further in the passenger seat and whimpers "You're so cruel." Patrick just shrugs. People only want things that they don't think they can have, right? It's easy to keep quiet the entire drive because in reality, it's only a 5 maybe 6 minute commute, but to Joe, who's currently recieving the silent treatment, it feels like an hour. 

Patrick hits the breaks a little harder than he should as he pulls into the driveway of Joe's house,but that's only to jolt the car and piss his passenger off. "We're here." he deadpans. "Thought we were gonna talk?" Joe asks, sitting up and unbuckling. "We did." Patrick replies. Joe's absolutely confused- where did this leave him? "Well, what now?" Patrick can feel his internal silence pact slowly break when he looks over at Joe. No, no, he can't show weakness.. Well, is it really weakness? He then wonders. There's a lot of courage in being a boy who likes other boys, and even more courage in acting apon it in a hetero-dominated world. Maybe hard to get isn't so great. "I would like another one." he says. Joe furrows his brow. Patrick just fucked with his emotions greatly in the past few minutes alone and he sure as hell wasn't going fall to his little trap. "Another what? Another kiss?" "Mhm." Patrick hums. He realizes that Joe is really pissed off now, though and his smug demeanor turns into a deflated ego. "I'm sorry.." he says. Why did he just do that? Why didn't he just act like a normal faggot with a normal gay crush? "Me too." Joe replies, getting out and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He slams the cardoor shut and Patrick watches him disappear into his house. "You fucking idiot." he says to himself. "You're nothing but a fucking idiot. I hate you." he sighs and pulls out of the driveway, expecting that to be the last time he ever really talked to Joe.


	9. The Day It Gets Tired Is The Day We Drop Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief suicide attempt mention, but it doesn't go into detail (Yet, atleast. That may happen later on, I'll warn you then.)

Patrick feels like the dumbest person in the world right now. He comes home and goes straight to his room, locking himself up, even though it's a miracle that he could even make it all the way to his room before collapsing into a pile of washed and unwashed clothing. He hates himself, he hates the fact that he just did that. He could have Joe's heart completely back in this moment, he could finally have that secure feeling he felt when they dated the first time. He said he loved him, so why does he have to question that and start fucking with Joe's feelings? He said forever, but did forever come with a 'not if you're an ass to me' policy? Hopefully not, but Patrick doesn't have a good feeling about their next interraction. He's broken himself down to a shell, pining for something that he doesn't even want that bad as far as Joe is probably concerned. Why was he like this? Was all that he can ask as he lays there, sobbing so hard that he can't even hear. Atleast his mom isn't home, because he really doesn't think he could explain why he's so upset- he did it to himself, and as patient as she was, that was likely going to be what she'd tell him. Just very, very calmly. Fuck.

Nothing seems to make sense to Joe right now. He feels like he's on a different plain of reality because not only was Patrick seriously messing with his brain a few minutes ago, but Martha and Steven are both in a good mood. That's when Joe really has to be careful because anything he does can set them right back off. As for Patrick, well, it seems that all they do is hurt eachother both physically and emotionally, so he can't really be too shocked. A little stunned, maybe, but not shocked. "What time do you work today?" Steven asks as Joe heads upstairs. "4." he replies, "I gotta' get ready now." "Steven's going to take you," his mother says. Joe's once again caught whiplash. He's far too sober for this shit. "Oh.." he replies, stammering. He wants to tell them it isn't neccesary but decides he really shouldn't since that could easily set one or both of them off. He offers the most sincere-looking smile he could possibly work up as he considers downing his entire last bottle of vodka before crawling in the car with his stepfather. "Thanks, man." "No problem," Steven replies, "Hurry up, you don't have that much time left." Joe nods. "Right." he heads upstairs to get ready and to take a good, long swig of vodka. He knows he shouldn't be intoxicated on the job, but he hasn't gotten busted quite yet. After throwing on his uniform shirt and taking a deep swig (and another couple for good luck) he heads back down stairs, prepared for Steven's mood to have already changed. Luckily (or unluckily) enough, though, it hadn't. "Ready?" he asks. He's already standing up and swinging his keys around. "Yeah." Joe replies, wondering why Steven was doing this. He usually has to walk to work, so what changed? What does he want?

Patrick cries himself to sleep on the soft pile of laundry because he doesn't even have the energy to get up, which is kind of a good thing in a roundabout way because if he were to get up he would likely do something drastic, which he hadn't really done since winter 1999, which was a long time ago. People never thought much about males being suicidal, so he never told anyone out of fear that he'd be laughed at or not believed, which was definitely the last thing he needed in that time. Not even his mother knew that he tried to take his own life one night, but he had told his best friend over summer 2000. It was a bittersweet night and ended with Joe expressing his gratitude over the fact that he was still alive despite that. Did he still mean it? Well yeah, of course he did, but according to Patrick he absolutely hated him in that moment with right reason. But he really needed to stop being so hard on himself because that wasn't how it was at all. Patrick would never believe that, though. He was certain that he hated him. Atleast he's asleep now and doesn't have to deal with it. 

The drive to McDonald's was another hour-long drive to Joe, even though it was about the same distance as the one from school with Patrick. Steven kept asking weird questions that he'd have had plenty of time to known the answer to over the past 2 years if he'd paid attention. Why was he suddenly trying to be so buddy-buddy all of a sudden? Joe desperately wanted to ask him what he wanted, but he wasn't drunk enough to face the consequences, so he bit his tongue and continued to answer his questions. Smart move on his part. Once Steven pulls into the parkinglot he unbuckles. "Thanks. Are you gonna' pick me up at 10 too?" "Depends on what mood I'm in." his stepfather replies. Ouch. "Okay." Joe nods as he crawls out. Atleast he was blunt and honest. Looks like he'll be walking home. "Have a good night." with that, Steven pulls out. Joe watches his car disappear and walks inside, unsure what to think of the interaction that he just had with his stepfather. Sometimes he seems like he could be an okay guy, but it definitely comes with strings attached and Joe didn't dare to find out what those strings were. The guy offered to buy him a new guitar around his birthday, but decided against it when he got a job. Joe would probably have bought one by now if it weren't for the fact that he was saving up to move out. 

Patrick wakes up on the floor not too much time after he fell asleep. He groans and rubs his eyes since his tears had dried and formed a crusty feeling on them. "Fuck." he whispers to himself. "What the fuck?" he picks up his phone and checks the time; 6:35 PM. Really? Shouldn't it be the next day or something? He sighs and pulls himself to his feet, only to walk towards his bed and face-plant into his pillow. It doesn't look like his plans are going through tonight after all.

Joe was primarily on dine-in tonight which he's admitedly better at than drive-through, especially tonight since it hasn't been quite as crowded since the KFC opened up across the street. And, this way, atleast if he drops change he can just pick it back up easily. Of course, that doesn't mean he hasn't tried to squirm himself between a car and the window before. As he's counting the cash from his previous customer to make triple-sure, he hears a couple of familiar voices laughing in the main area. He looks up to find Andy and Pete making their way towards the counter. "Hey, Joe," Andy says in that soft-spoken tone that never fails to make him feel safer than his own mother does. "how's it going?" "Pretty okay." he replies, looking up. "That's cool, man." Pete says. "Can I take your order?" he asks. "Yeah," Andy says, "one medium coffee and, uh," he looks over at Pete, who's still staring up at the minue. "Oreo Mcflurry." he says. Andy looks over at Joe and nods. "I'm a fuckin' pussy, I can't handle straight up coffee." Pete laughs. "Like you need it, Wentz." Joe smirks as he heads to throw together their order. Once he comes back with it Pete pockets out the total and takes his Mcflurry. "Thanks, man, we're glad we could catch you in time." Joe raises an eyebrow, "Why's that?" Andy sighs. "Pete wants to go on some great big roadtrip in December and we want you to consider coming with. We'll just make stops here and there to explore some new digs and probably go out as far as Cincinnati or someshit." "Or atleast until the van breaks down." Pete adds. "Van?" Joe asks. Where the fuck did they get a van? "Yeah," Andy says, "we're putting a down payment on a used van. Shouldn't be too hard to find." Joe shrugs, "Depends on Martha and Steven's moods. Sounds fun, though." "Hope you can." Andy smiles, "We'll talk about this later if that's okay?" Joe nods. "Yeah, cool." "Cool!" Pete says enthusiastically. "Chris is probably coming with. Uhh... Adam's out unless he returns my fuckin' calls.." Joe laughs. "Pete, I gotta return the Tahoe." Andy says, "My mom doesn't know I have it right now." "Right, right." Pete nods. "See you later, Trohman." "Yeah, you too." "Have a nice night." Andy adds as they wave goodbye. Joe watches them leave and as a new customer come in through the door and towards the front, he decides that if his parents will let him, he's definitely in. A roadtrip could be really fun, who knows what they'll see? It's also great to be away from Steven and Martha for as long as possible. He really hopes it goes through. "What can I get for you today?" he asks his next customer with a smile.


	10. Take Your Time With Me?

Patrick finds himself stuck in a cycle of dozing off for a few minutes and then waking back up. It's like his body wants to sleep but his mind knows he really shouldn't this early in the night. Every time he wakes up, he checks his phone like he's going to magically get a ton of messages or something. Not having friends or having adult friends sucks ass because they're either non-existent or busy or something. If he didn't know that Joe was probably still at work, he would have already tried to apologize for being weird earlier, but he probably has his phone off or something. He could still try to type out a text and it would deliver when his phone was back on, though, couldn't he? At 8:00 he finally pulls himself completely out of his slumber and takes a chance on impulse. All he texts is "I'm Sorry." before putting his phone down on the nightstand. He doesn't expect a reply until later in the night, so he figures he should just stay up, get a bowl of cereal and start on his homework. It sounds like a good plan since it was what he originally was gonna do

Since tonight was relatively empty, Joe clocks out at 10, because after cleaning duty and everything, there wasn't much for him to do other than eat fries and write on napkins. A good passtime for when you're at home, but not so much on the job. Steven doesn't answer his phone when he calls, so he figures he's already went to bed and he prefers the walking over being drove home by Martha. With the money he's saved up, he hopes he can get a car sometime before next summer. Sure, Steven didn't pick up the phone, but he did notice a text from someone. After being directed to Steven's voicemail, he opens the text. It's from Patrick.

8:02 PM: I'm Sorry.

Joe's slightly confused. He'd completely forgot about Patrick's little hard-to-get game on the way home from school, so it takes him a minute to realize what he was apologizing for. He replies to the next as soon as he realizes.

9:04 PM: dw it's ok

Patrick's halfway through his biology packet when his phone vibrates. He immediately looks at the text but wonders if Joe really means it. He once again starts worrying if he hates him again or not and sends a "call me when u can" text so he can hear his tone and try to make things right if he's just playing around. 

Joe's walking out of the parkinglot and down the road. The lights illuminate the street, so he can see his way home just fine. He knows how to fight if some creep tries to fuck with him, but he has the advantage of being a 5'10 male so his chances of getting fucked with are statistically lower. Besides, what would they mug him of anyways? His phone? A packet of honey mustard? Good riddance, that shit's been riding around in his pocket for over a week. He looks at his phone once he gets to a city bench and stands there for a split second to read the text. 

9:05 PM: call me when u can

What did he want to talk about? More on the kiss ordeal? If it's that, he definitely isn't going to risk talking about it at his house. He could sit down on this bench right here and talk or he could go over to Patrick's house.... The former sounds better. He slumps down on the bench and looks through his contacts to find Patrick. He said "call me when you can" and right now, he can. 3 rings and Patrick picks up almost immediately. He's been hovering over the phone ever since he sent that text and hasn't even looked back at his homework. 

"Hey-" "I'm sorry," Patrick says immediately, "I'm so sorry, Joe, I don't know why I was being a fucking weirdo, I understand that you still love- or loved me, hell, I don't know, I understand if you don't anymore, I understand if you're pissed-" he's freaking the fuck out right now and by the tone of his voice, Joe suspects that there could be tears on the other end and his only resort is a simple "Calm down, man, it's okay... It's totally okay, I swear." 

Patrick's stopped in his tracks. "Do you really mean that?" he asks, starting to catch his breath. "Promise." Joe replies. He looks around to see if the coast is clear- there's a car coming, but they likely won't be able to hear him. Oh, fuck it, who cares? He feels like he's gonna end up screaming it at the top of his lungs soon, so what's a phone call to him? "I'm still love you, Patrick. I said forever and I mean it. That's not going to change. You can hate me all you want, I don't blame you at all, I fucked around for a long ass time, but I still love you, and yes, I mean that in the most homosexual way possible. I dream of kissing your soft lips every night. I would die for you, Patrick, and even if we split ways after this phone call I'll still hold true to that word." Patrick's struck with surprise as he feels a tear streaming down his face, unsure if it's still from his anxiety getting the best of him or if it's a tear of happiness from what Joe just said. Either way, it's a tear, and he wipes it before talking again. "I love you too, Joe.... And, yeah, I would die for you too."

The buzz that Joe can feel from hearing those words of reassurance that he still wanted him was even better than anything he'd ever felt from drinking or any drugs he'd tried before, and while he hadn't tried them all, he was sure that this is what some of them felt like, if not better. If you asked him in this moment, actually, he'd probably say so. Martha nor Steven could hurt him for being a little faggot while he was in the middle of the city on a bench, away from the world. Well, mentally that was; cars passing by probably thought he was crazy or something but he honestly couldn't care less while he was on his little cloud nine.

"Joe?" Patrick asks on the other end as he hadn't gotten a reply from him in the past 10 seconds or more. "Yeah?" "Oh, good," Patrick says, "I uh, thought we lost connection." "Oh no, the connection's still there." Joe replies. Patrick laughs a little bit, not sure if he means the phone connection or their emotional connection. He doesn't want to wait until Monday to see Joe again and he doesn't think he wants their next interaction to be where their classmates and teachers could easily see and hear. They definitely have some sorting out to do- if they want to move on to claiming a relationship (while keeping it on the downlow from Joe's family, of course, atleast until he was 18.) or if they just wanted to be secret lovers who fuck around when no one at all is looking. That's not something you should be talking about over the phone and it should really be face-to-face. "Breakfast at Kelly's?" he asks. 

Joe blinks. Did he miss an important detail of the conversation? Where was his mind? "I'm sorry, now?" Patrick starts laughing. "No, no, tomorrow morning.. Or Sunday, whichever works." Breakfast. Yeah, Joe can probably work that out. He isn't too fond of waking up early, but he sure is fond of breakfast and obviously Patrick. "Yeah, tomorrow's good, what time?" 

Patrick tries to think of a time that isn't too awfully early, but to where he'd still be able to get a stack of fresh pancakes. He's been going to that diner his whole life and he knows that after a certain time, the pancakes stop being fresh and are just pulled off of the warming rack. "How's 8?"

While during the summer and on weekends, Joe sometimes wouldn't even go to bed until 8, for Patrick he was willing to do anything. Hell, he just said he'd die for him, so what was waking up before 8 gonna do to him? Probably nothing too bad. He already wakes up at 6 on weekdays. "Sure. Meet you there." he replies. "Good," Patrick says, smiling. Things really can work out in the end, can't they? "See you at 8 tomorrow. I gotta' finish this homework I've got piled." "Yeah," Joe laughs, "I still gotta' walk another mile home." Patrick raises an eyebrow. "Why-" he realizes why he probably stopped to talk to him on his way home and shakes his head like he can see him. "Nevermind.... Goodnight, Joe." "Goodnight, Patrick.. I love you." 

Patrick blushes when he hears him say that again- is it always gonna be like this? "I love you too," he replies, hanging up. As he puts the phone down he covers his face and lets out a squeal. He knows he sounds like a little schoolgirl and maybe, just maybe, that's what he is. Just this morning he was scared to even mention anything to Joe about the kiss, but now he was making date plans with him. Was it a date? Oh, who was he kidding? It was definitely a date. And even if they decided to split up after that date, atleast they would've had that.


	11. Did You Miss Me Too?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Complete fluff (?) chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is probably shitty since I wrote a good bit of it while I was high and had to keep rewriting bits and pieces of it. This fic will get better as it goes, though, I swear.

To be on the safe side, Patrick sets his alarm for 6:30. That's plenty of time to take a shower before leaving for his date he figures, so he gets up the second it goes off. If this were a normal school day, he'd be pissed off and groggy, but today's different. It's Saturday and he has a breakfast date with the boy who he's already convinced is the love of his life. Sometimes he wonders if he's getting too ahead of himself by claiming Joe as just that yet since they're only 17, but in those 17 years he has proved to be his first and only love, so technically yeah, that is the love of his life. Atleast for right now, though, he knows that could easily change and it kind of breaks his heart when he thinks about it, but Joe did tell him he'd love him forever. But then again, forever could easily change. It's not like he'll still love him at 33, so why did he say that? Sure, last night, Patrick believed it word-for-word, but that was just young love talking. As he wakes up the next morning he's hit with reality, but it's not hard enough to ruin his mood. This is going to be a nice date and at the end of it he'll atleast know where they stand in this relationship. 

Joe hates to admit it, but he's an absolute and complete sucker for Patrick. As recent as it was, he can't even begin to wrap his head around how he went about acting like he hated or didn't know him for so long because it sure was hard as fuck. Sometimes he just wanted to scream that he was in love with Patrick Stump, the boy who's kite he untangled a couple of years ago and to be honest, the only thing that was stopping him was his mother and stepfather's constant homophobic comments. He never felt the same kind of love for Chelsea that he did Patrick- deep down inside, he found her quite annoying, but he'd never admit that because the only reason he found her annoying was simply because they came from two completely different lives- she was rich, preppy and leaned more towards the pop scene and he was a ratty punk kid who was likely to need a few stitches from starting a mosh pit. Joe still felt like he had an advantage, though since he was still incredibly fond of girls and that was very obvious. He just liked guys, too, which was the part he had to hide from everyone. Especially Patrick. It's probably been a week since he's last showered, so he's sure to do that before getting ready to walk over to Kelly's- he doesn't want Patrick to think he rolled out of bed and crawled over. He's gotta put a little effort into his appearance for this boy.

8:00 am sharp. They meet in the parkinglot of Kelly's. Patrick nearly reaches for Joe's hand but decides against it just to be on the safe side. 

"Glad you made it." he smiles. "You too." Joe replies, walking over to the entrance and holding it open for Patrick. "What a gentleman." he laughs, going in. "Anything for my lady." he smirks, following Patrick in. "Oh, enough." they walk over to a booth- it's a nice window booth in the corner of the room and Patrick enjoys that particular spot because he can watch the birds in the tree across the street. Joe could truly care less so he makes it a point to scoot over so Patrick can watch the birds while he eats breakfast. Something about the way he concentrates on things he finds interesting or important reminds Joe just how much he loved him. Once the waitress asks what they want to drink (to which they both reply with "coffee") they start gazing over their menus. Patrick already knows what he wants if he doesn't find anything else that catches his eye- a nice stack of pancakes that he hopes are still fresh at this hour. Surely they are. Joe's eyes are all over the place because he's never made a stable decision in his life, although he's convinced that the decision to love Patrick was pretty permanent. With that realization he looks up at him and smiles. He's finally decided what he wants- even though he doesn't quite know what that is yet. Whatever Patrick wants is what he wants. It's all about liking the same things. (and being too indecisive to make make your own decisions.) They spend a few minutes in silence until the waitress comes back with their coffee and asks if they're ready to order. Patrick nods, "A stack of pancakes, please.. And uhh, a side of bacon." once the waitress turns to Joe he replies with "I'll take the same thing that's he's having" even though he probably didn't even pay attention to what Patrick ordered. "Alright, I'll be right back." the waitress says as she walks off. Their comfortable silence resumes as they turn to stir in cream and sugar packets into their coffees. Patrick looks over to watch the birds every now and then, but despite the many, many times he's dined at Kelly's, he's still taken by the art and memorbillia on the wall. "You have no idea how reassuring last night was." he eventually says, "For the past two years, I just didn't know what to do with myself when it came to you. I mean, I can understand why you did it-" "But I shouldn't have." Joe says once again, his eyes locked on Patrick's. "I shouldn't have changed myself so drastically just to hide that I love you. I'm going to make it up to you." Patrick blinks. He can't believe Joe is being so vocal about their theoretical relationship in public, but at the same time it feels so natural. Maybe that was a good sign. He takes it as one, anyways. "So where does that put us now? Boyfriends? Friends with benefits?" Patrick asks as he takes a sip of coffee. "The first one.. I-If that's okay..." Joe replies sheepishly, seemingly nervous about it. Patrick puts his coffee down and leans over the table, taking his hand and making sure their fingers intertwine as he rests their hands in the middle of the table. "Definitely." he nods. "It's definitely alright..." Joe stares at their interlocked hands in a way that Patrick can't tell is good or bad, but he assumes it's a good way when Joe doesn't pull away and instead slouches in his seat to rest his head on the table. Patrick doesn't even think about moving or pulling away in this moment. It seems too perfect. He's finally got Joe where he wants him and he isn't letting him go for anything. Well, except for when their food arrives. He lets go and slightly nudges his boyfriend to sit up straight when he sees the waitress come over. Once she sets the plates down they both smile and say "Thank you." to which she adds "Let me know if you need anything else." before she leaves. Patrick's first instinct is to pick up the pancake syrup bottle and begin to drizzle it over (and between) the pancakes. Joe watches in a near trance-like state as Patrick makes sure he hits every corner of the pancake with the syrup. He then sticks a piece of bacon under Patrick's syrup-stream to which he laughs at. "What the fuck, man?" "Primal instinct." Joe replies, taking a bite of the bacon strip. "Don't tell me that it's gross when you used to literally dip your french fries in your milkshakes." Patrick stops drizzling the syrup once he gets it the way he likes it, kind of stunned that Joe remembered that small detail about him. It'd been such a long time since they actually ate that together. "French fries and milkshakes go together, though." he protests. "And?" Joe raises an eyebrow, taking the syup bottle and drizzling it over his bacon, probably partially to piss Patrick off, "So does bacon and syrup. Deal with that." Patrick huffs and starts to make the first cut out of his pancake stack. "You make a point, I guess." he says before shoving the chunk of pancake in his mouth. Waking up early sure does pay off in more ways than one. 

They spend the rest of breakfast joking around and laughing- what they do best. Once they're finished they pay the bill and leave a decent tip for the waitress who had been so nice to check in a couple of times throughout their stay.

"I've gotta be at work around 11, so I should probably head home." Patrick says as they walk out. "I have today off so I'm taking it to do homework." Joe replies, "This was nice, though, we should do it again sometime." "Yeah.. We should." "See ya." Joe pulls Patrick in for kiss which doesn't stun him much anymore considering that Joe held his hand for a good 5 minutes infront of a whole diner to see. What was a little kiss? Well, kind of everything to Patrick. "Love you." Joe whispers as he pulls away from the kiss. Patrick's pretty certain that his cheeks are a shade of pink right now which he kind of fucking hates- it makes him feel like a little anime schoolgirl or something. "Love you too." he replies. They go on about their days but the events of that morning still clutter up their thoughts. They were good. Everything was okay and would continue to be okay as long as they kept their relationship a secret from a few people. Other than that, they were free to be themselves, right?


	12. "Forever"

"Forever" has lasted a week so far and Patrick's anxiety has calmed down a lot now that he knows where he stands with Joe. He still looks over at him during class, but instead of glaring, Joe just turns around and smiles. They sometimes hold hands in the hallway, mostly when people aren't looking but atleast it's something. He knows that homecoming is the next step, but he hasn't quite asked Joe yet. He's hoping that he'll ask instead. 

Right now they're in Patrick's kitchen doing homework together. It might not be the most romantic thing, but atleast they're spending time together and doing something that they both need to do. They're not complaining about it at all, though. Joe notices how Patrick tends to doodle little figures and objects that pertain to the subject he's studying a lot in his notes. He's never asked before, but he assumes that it probably helps get a mental image of what he's studying. Joe's notes on the other hand are kind of all over the place to a point where only he can read and comprehend them. Patrick assumes it's probably not a good idea to copy off of him. Maybe that was the point. 

"Your handwriting is kinda' sexy." Joe comments. Patrick smirks, slightly offput by that remark. "Thanks... I assume you're drunk this early in the evening?" "You're welcome.. And I'm not drunk! I'd never drink at your house, I respect your mother too much.. I mean that 'cause everything about you is just downright sexy." Patrick's instinct is to playfully hit Joe's shoulder. "Stop it, we have to pass this class!" he laughs, watching a smile grow on his boyfriend's face. "I work in the morning tomorrow, but when I get off, do you wanna' do something?" Joe says, still focused on his paper. "Sure, like?" "I dunno', we could see a movie or something." "Sounds cool," Patrick replies, "I should be off unless they call me in for some reason." "Great. You can pick the movie, I don't care." Patrick had to admit that dating Joe was pretty great because he was very often indifferent to what they did, as long as there was food and entertainment of some sort. Patrick hums and thinks a second. "Snipes sounds cool." "Then that's what we'll see." "I can't wait." Patrick leans over the table and gives Joe a quick nose kiss. The taller of the two blushes and returns the gesture once Patrick returns to his seat completely. "Love you, Tricky." it's definitely not the first time that Joe has said that, but every time he does Patrick swears he could die in that moment. "I love you too." he smiles, pretending to resume his studying, but in reality his focus is now mostly on Joe and it seems like the feeling as mutual because every time he looks over at him he looks over too. "Stop that." Joe mouths, trying not to giggle. "You first." Patrick mouths back. They both drop their pencils and lean over the table once again to press their lips up against eachother's. "I should probably go soon before Martha gets pissed." Joe says once they pull away. "Aw, okay." Patrick replies, "Text me when you get home tomorrow." "Of course." Joe closes his textbook as well as his notebook and puts both in his backpack. "If you think of something else you'd prefer to do over a movie just let me know and it can be arranged." Patrick nods. "Can do." Joe throws his backpack over his shoulder and blows Patrick another kiss. "Later, loverboy." Patrick can't help but blush once again. 

-

Hand-in-hand, Patrick and Joe walk out of the movie theatre Saturday night. The movie was pretty good, but they were focused on eachother the whole time. The theatre wasn't as crowded as they expected so they sat in the very back to feed eachother popcorn and sneak kisses throughout the entire thing even though the movie had nothing to do with romance at all, it was still exciting to be able to assert affection towards eachother in public like that and even more so when it seemed that nobody in the parkinglot was paying attention enough to realize when Patrick pins Joe up against his car, beginning to work his way to his neck. "Mm, stop." Joe murmurs. "Hide it." he jokes, "No, really, stop," Joe gently shoves him off, but not in an agressive manner. "let's do it elsewhere.." "Aw, okay," Patrick replies, "where?" Joe shrugs. "Wanna sleep over at my place? My mom and Steven are off on their great anniversary trip." Patrick nods without hesitation. "Sure, let's go." he takes his keys out of his pocket and tosses them to Joe. "Your turn to drive, I don't care if we go highway or backroads." "Alright." Joe says as he gets in the driver's seat of Patrick's car. It isn't the first time he's asked him or let him drive it and hopefully won't be the last, even though he's usually atleast a little tipsy he's proven to be a careful driver for the most part.

Joe decides to take the backroads so Patrick has more time to mess with the radio and find a station he likes, plus it's more romantic or whatever. Once Patrick's satisfied with the radio he leans back in the passenger seat and stares at his boyfriend with adoration. It takes everything in him not to crawl over and make out with him while he's driving, but as passionate as he is about Joe, he's just as passionate about not causing a car accident and decides he's content with staring at him until they reach their destination. "I love you." "I love you, too." Joe replies, taking one hand off the wheel to hold Patrick's. They stay that way the entire car ride as Patrick debates asking Joe right then and there about homecoming. He opens his mouth to a couple of times but each time he stops in his tracks in hopes that Joe might ask him first, even if he knows he's still kind of insecure about being intimate in public as he demonstrated a little earlier in the movie theatre parkinglot. It's still worth a shot that he could ask, though.

Once Joe pulls into the driveway of his house and turns the car off, Patrick leans over the armrest and kisses his cheek. Joe then turns his head to press his lips up against Patrick's and hands him his keys back. "Thank you." he says as he puts the keys in his pocket and gets out of the car. Luckily enough, Joe remembered his house key so they won't have to crawl in through a window which he's had to do multiple times before. Once they get inside, Patrick shuts the door behind them and asserts another kiss, this time making it longer. 

Less than an hour later they're watching MTV, splitting Joe's last bottle of vodka and throwing cheesepuffs at eachother, only to pick them up and eat them, pretty much just like they used to be when they were younger, except they didn't drink this much back then. Maybe a few things have changed since then. Now in an intoxicated state, Patrick's thinks it's a good idea to start dropping hints that wants to take Joe as his date to homecoming, even if the hints completely over Joe's head considering that he can be totally oblivious sometimes, much to Patrick's dismay. "I love this song.." he says, taking a swig out of the bottle of vodka. "Come on, snake, let's rattle." Joe just starts laughing. "You wanna' fuckin' fight? You know you'll kick my ass." "No!" Patrick yells, shoving the bottle in Joe's hands. "I mean let's dance... Hence the song." Joe furrows his brow and takes a swig. Maybe Patrick was even drunker than he thought. "Man, you know I can't dance for shit." "Don't care." Patrick isn't taking no for an answer and gets up, extending his hand out. "Let's go." Joe stares at his hand for a good second before finally giving in, even though as drunk as he is, he knows it's going to be a fucking disaster. 

"What song is this?" he asks. It sounds like a Blondie song, but he's not entirely sure. "Hell if I know." Patrick replies, even though he said he loved the song a minute ago. "It just sounds cool and..... I wanna dance with my boyfriend.... You know.." Patrick bites his lip. "Like they do at homecoming and shit.." Joe nods. "Okay." "Okay, well.." he pulls him in close in attempts to imitate the way he's seen people on TV slowdance, even though he's never really danced with anyone like this before and he can tell that Joe never has either. "I'm gonna...Dip you...Or whatever.." Patrick says. "What?" Joe asks just as Patrick attempts to dip him, but feels himself losing grip and makes that known as he yells "Shit!". Luckily enough, Joe's able to gain his balance again and wrap his arms around Patrick to re-stablize. "Let's not." he laughs. It's quite obvious that neither still know a damn thing about what they're doing, but they are starting to have fun. After stepping back and forth and slowly getting the hang of.. Well, slow-dancing, Joe swings himself out and then pulls Patrick over to him, both laughing as this happens. "Is that what you're trying to do?" he asks, still unsure if he was supposed to even do that. "I think so!" Patrick replies, "Yeah, that's cool!" Joe nods before doing it again, this time a little faster and he kisses Patrick's forehead as he pulls him in again. 

After attempting to dance for nearly 30 minutes, they finish off the bottle of vodka and start making out on the couch again. By 11 they're both falling asleep on the same couch, now under a comforter that was draped over the back. Patrick buries his face in Joe's neck and sighs contently. "I love you." he says once again. "Love you too." Joe replies, turning the TV off so they're in complete darkness.


	13. Constant Headache

When Patrick wakes up the next morning he blinks a few times to make sure he isn't dreaming or something. According to his phone, it's 8:30, which is plausible since they did go to bed relatively early last night night. Without hesitation, he starts claiming what's rightfully his in this moment by leaving kisses on Joe's neck and eventually his cheek. "Morning." Joe says softly as he rolls over to face him. In that moment Patrick feels like he's on cloud nine, even if he does have a dull headache thanks to the night before. "Hey," he replies, giving his boyfriend a soft nose kiss. Joe blushes as he closes his eyes again and nuzzles up against Patrick. "Hungover?" he asks, like he doesn't know the answer. Of course he's hungover, but then again he's more used to it than Patrick is. "Mhmm.." "Me too." Patrick sighs as he runs his thumb in a circular motion on Joe's forearm. "Last night was fun, though." "Yeah, we're pretty okay at dancing." A lightbulb seems to go off in Patrick's head as Joe says that. Maybe that was the okay to ask him to homecoming? Or maybe better yet, maybe he was about to ask himself? "Aren't we, though?" he laughs softly, the words still threatening to come out of his mouth. Patrick can feel Joe start to fall back asleep, but he makes it a point to keep him awake so he can spend as much time as possible with him since he knows he has work in a couple of hours. Joe opens his eyes again as he meets Patrick with a quick kiss on the lips to reassure that he's now wide awake and starts playing with his soft dirty blonde hair. "What is it?" he knows that Patrick has something on his mind because he has that look he gets when he's been thinking. "Well.." Patrick smiles. "Homecoming is approaching, y'know.. And people are gonna' be going as couples and stuff and, well.. I'm tired of hiding it.. I'm tired of hiding...Well, us." That nagging anxiety feeling settles in Joe's chest as Patrick says that. Why does the whole world have to know? What if he doesn't want that? But Patrick does, so why doesn't he? What would happen if the world knew? What would they think? He doesn't know how to answer this, it's too early, his head's spinning from a hangover and he feels like he's going to throw up right now. Does he really love Patrick at all? Of course he does, he said forever! So why is it a problem? "I don't know." he says simply, scooting up and hugging himself the way he tends to do when he feels threatened; and boy, does he feel threatened, even though he really shouldn't. Patrick furrows his brows as he sits up as well. "What do you mean by that?" "I mean..." Joe sighs. "I'm not... I'm not sure like you are, I don't know..." "Yeah, what do you not know?" Patrick asks, beginning to doubt that "forever" was going to last at all. Fuck. Why didn't he just leave things the way they were? Last night was amazing and now this morning he was fighting back tears. So much for spending time together. "I don't know if I want to be open in front of the whole school yet.. I'm sorry, if you're trying to ask to homecoming.... I can't." Yeah, that's exactly what Patrick was trying to do. Great. It takes everything in him not to break down again because the boy that he'd spent so much time and love on just told him he's ashamed to be seen holding his hand and even then everything isn't enough to keep him from having an outburst. He crawls off of the couch and starts putting his shoes on. "You said forever." "Yeah, Patrick.." Joe sighs, "I said I'd love you forever.." "So you love me.. But you don't want to be with me? Or just... You want to hide our relationship because it's an eye-sore, because it cramps up your aura or someshit?" Patrick's had it with Joe's wishy-washiness about the whole thing and he hates that he now feels like an idiot for believing that they could've had something good. "Fuck that!" he snaps, "I'm tired of being your dirty little secret!" with that, Patrick takes his keys off of the coffee table and storms out the door before Joe can blink twice. Is this really happening right now? The only thing on Patrick's mind right now is getting the hell out of there. He could honestly care less about how Joe handles the situation. 

"I'm an idiot." is all that Joe can say as he buries his face in his hands. Why couldn't he just scream how much he loved Patrick from the top of his lungs and beat up anyone who said something about it? Why couldn't he just say yes and take his boyfriend out to homecoming and let the whole school know just how much he loved that boy? Oh yeah, because he was a coward and that was only one of the many things that he absolutely despised about himself. "Well played, dumbass." he wanted to pull the covers over his head and sleep for the next 30 years, but that wasn't plausible- he also wanted to keep his job and you can't let your feelings get in the way when it comes to shit like that. He doesn't even want to let himself cry because he's scared if he starts now he won't be able to stop. He really hurt Patrick and he knows that, but what could he say to make it up to him? Did the thought of losing him forever not scare him enough to chase him down, take back his answer and say "Yes, I will go to homecoming with you."? Apparently it didn't, because even though he said he'd love him "forever", he never said he'd be able to stay with him forever.

 

"Forever" feels like never now as Patrick sits at his kitchen table with a mug of coffee that's probably the same size as his head. He wants to break down and cry but he's far too numb to even do anything except for wonder if he's overreacting. Maybe he is, but he's just fed up and tired with second-guessing everything when it comes to Joe. He's back to wanting to hate him so desperately but he just can't bring himself to, even if he's almost certain he's going to go off on him the next time he sees him. Why does it have to be like this? Although at the same time he wants to call him or speed over to his house before he leaves for work, he also wants Joe to be the one to say that he's sorry this time. But what if he doesn't? Does that leave them the same way they were less than a month ago? Is it even a big enough deal for someone to have to apologize over? Maybe they're both better off if they stopped talking completely and just left it like that. Why does everything have to be so complicated?


	14. Same Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14! How do you guys feel about this fic? Please leave a comment letting me know, and once again, criticism is greatly accepted. Be as mean as you'd like.

Monday morning feels the same as it did just about a month ago. Patrick feels like everything he and Joe had bonded over again had been taken away in the same manner as before and he couldn't stand it. He feels his heart break into atleast a dozen more pieces than it already was when he sees Joe walk into homeroom and take his seat. He didn't even look at him like he has been recently, which gives Patrick the hint that maybe Joe intends on staying away from him for now on and he's not sure if that's a blessing or a curse. Maybe a mix of both.

Patrick goes about his day normally like he had been for all of that time he spent without Joe sticking around in his life. It's not too drastic of a change- it's just a repeat of the same old cycle that he's grown so used to. After school, he drives home to start on his homework since he doesn't have work this afternoon. After spreading his homework out on the kitchen table he gets up and starts digging around in the pantry for something to snack on until it gets late enough to start cooking dinner. He decides on a granola bar and heads over to the fridge to grab a drink. Now that he's all settled he gets straight to work since some of it's due tomorrow. He works on the hardest shit first- the subjects he has to put work into like Chemisty and Algebra. English isn't too big of a deal for him since he's pretty okay with comprehending sentences and being able to explain passages like that. 

An hour later and more than halfway through his homework, Patrick's snapped out of concentration when he hears a knock at the door. Normally he'd hide away in his room and wait for his mom to get it, but she's not home right now which means he has to answer it. He sighs and puts his pencil down before he starts walking towards the door, expecting one of her friends looking for her or maybe even some vaccuum salesman. As he approaches the door he's struck with the realization of who it probably is, but he still opens the door- and he's right. Infront of him is the tall blonde who's couch he dramatically fled the morning before. His eyes are red and puffy like he's been crying and that makes Patrick want to take him back despite what was going on- but he can't let him come back into his life that easily, as much as he wants to, he knows that the same thing is going to happen again. Joe wasn't the one to be in a relationship with and he can't believe it took so long to figure that out.

"Patrick, I'm sorry." he says, staring him straight in the eyes. Patrick knows that a "sorry" doesn't mean "I'll be honest about my attraction and feelings for you and go to homecoming with you" so he shrugs and refrains from pulling him into his arms or pressing his lips against his. "Okay." Patrick replies, crossing his arms. "But I don't mean that it's okay because it's not." internally, he's kind of shocked that he was so strong and flat-out told Joe that because he likely would've accepted the apology with open arms when he was younger. But he didn't this time and he was proud of himself. 

"I know I hurt you," the tone he's using is probably the most mature that he's ever heard out of him and Patrick doesn't doubt for a second that he's really sorry, but that doesn't mean he's going to forgive him and take him back. Although he wants to. He wants to so, so, badly but he isn't prepared for the next downfall, the next drop in the rollercoaster that's their relationship. He wishes Joe never came over because he eventually would've gotten completely over it- infact, he was getting over it and was honestly considering asking his co-worker, Justin if he'd like to go to homecoming with him if he was off that night. Justin was openly bisexual and made no complaints about it- the whole pizza joint knew that he was into men as well as women and lately Patrick had taken a fondness to him because he was willing to listen to his complaints and also vice-versa which probably made them friends by now. Sure, it wasn't a flat-out crush maybe, but he really enjoyed his company and wouldn't mind asking him to homecoming. Something told him that Justin wouldn't mind actually going with him, either. "all I ever do is hurt you, and I understand if you don't forgive me." "I don't." He's really grown up in these past 24 hours. Go Patrick. "I don't forgive you." Joe nods as he tries not to start crying right then and there- it's weak and he knows that it'd probably be downright manipulative because he also knows Patrick and that if anyone were to start crying infront of him he'd change a "no" to a "yes" in a heartbeat. But he wasn't about to toy with his emotions like that. "Okay. I understand." He's 17 and it's getting time to stop fucking around and begin to act like the adult that he'll soon be, so he's trying. He's trying really hard. Well, in most aspects.. "My answer for homecoming remains the same 'cause I'm scared-" "Well, stop being scared!" Patrick finally snaps. He wants Joe back so, so badly and even if he still refuses to love him unashamedly, atleast he knows that he put up a fight about it. "This is who I am, I'm gay, I like to kiss boys, I like to fuck boys, I think about boys constantly. I want the world to know that because I'm proud of it and I can't be fucking around with a boy who's ashamed to love me, so in that case go home." Joe stares at him for a moment and he isn't sure what the stare means. It's blank. "I will love you forever, Patrick, but I can't be with you." he says before turning around and leaving. Patrick keeps up his composture and doesn't yell after or chase him. He instead shuts the door, takes a few seconds (and a few seconds only) to catch his breath and return to his homework. At this point, he's made his mind up. He's going to ask Justin to be his date to homecoming, and maybe he'll say no, but atleast he knows he had that peace of mind to start moving on from Joe.

Now that the interaction with Patrick is done with, Joe lets himself cry on a bench a couple of blocks up the road. His hands are shaking because it's been too fucking long since he's last had a drink and he kind of wishes he had someone to just comfort him through all of this. He knows he fucked up, he knows it's his fault, but that doesn't mean he isn't terrified as fuck. He purposely pushed Patrick away for a second fucking time and third chances don't happen too often. It's probably over, it's probably all over and he needs to grow up, but that's easier said than done. He picks up his phone and calls up one of the only people who have ever brought him any comfort that didn't come from booze or drugs and that would be Andy. 3 rings and the phone picks up, the only good thing that's happened to him today. 

"Hey, man.. Do you and your mom mind if I come over? I... just fucked up greatly." 

"I'm not there right now. I'm about to leave work though, so give me 15, I'll be there soon," Andy says with his calming voice that Joe could fall asleep to. "uhh.. you can sit in my room and watch anime or someshit, just let my mom know I told you that." Joe decides to take up on the offer without hesitation because it definitely beats being at home with no source of comfort what-so-ever, and it sure as hell sitting on the side of the road. Pete might've been the one to supply Joe with booze and drugs, but Andy was usually the only one besides Patrick who could even come close to offering him comfort. His soft voice and generally warm aura was always just incredibly comforting to Joe, and apparently Andy felt the same towards him because it seemed as if he always felt the most comfortable talking to him out of all of their friends. Over the summer the were pretty tight, but since Joe started back school and got and job and shit he's been a little busy. That didn't matter to Andy, though, they've always had some kind of emotional connection. "Thanks, I'm heading over right now, I'm probably like a minute away." "No problem, man, you okay?" Joe isn't sure how to answer that so he just shrugs like Andy can even see him. "Maybe, maybe not." he replies. "See you soon." is all that Andy says before hanging up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Justin as in Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack because he's a great guy and I had to throw him in there.


	15. You're So Last Summer

"Have a nice day!" Patrick's mother yells Tuesday morning as he grabs his backpack and heads on the door "I'll try!" he replies, "You too!" he heads out a little earlier than usual because he has to get gas in his car, but he still has to squint his eyes as he's greeted with the sun walking out the front door. Adjusting his eyes to the light, he opens the driver's seat car door and throws his backpack in the passenger side. Another long day of school, work and then straight to bed to start it all over. Atleast Justin's working tonight and they can chat during Patrick's pick-up stops at Domino's. He turns his car on and then turns the volume up to listen to the local rock station like he usually does every morning on his way to school and the song that's currently playing is "Stars" by Hum, a song that Patrick honestly hasn't heard in a long time. and while it's not a bad song, it's just never really stood out to him much. He still turns it up, though, because he has a decent hook and it sure beats the complete silence that he'd otherwise face during his commute. 

As he pulls into the gas station he notices a familiar car parked away from the pumps. He can't quite make out who's it is, but frankly doesn't care enough to investigate much. He pulls up to the pump and heads inside to pay and let the clerk know that he's getting gas. Of course there's a line, which isn't a big deal at all. It's who's in the line that slightly catches him off gaurd- it's Pete, the owner of the car.  
"Hey, 'Trick." he says, turning around while the lady in the front of the line does her business. As Pete turns around, Patrick notices he has a black eye. "Hey." he replies, "What happened to your fuckin' eye? "Oh, Chris and I got into a little spat, it's whatever." Pete laughs half-heartedly and Patrick can tell that the fact that something happened between him and Chris bothered him a hell of a lot more than just the black eye itsself. "What's up, though?" "Gotta' fuel up the tank so I don't have to stop on my way home." Patrick replies. "Smart." Pete turns back around as the lady ahead finishes up and it becomes his turn to make an exchange with the clerk. Patrick's tempted to ask if Joe ever talks about him to Pete since they're friends and all, but he refrains from it because not only would it just be inappropriate, he's supposed to be getting over him, and it's obvious that Pete definitely has issues of his own to deal with. Pete tells the clerk the brand of cigarettes he's buying and turns back around to face Patrick. "I don't see you much anymore and it kinda' sucks. I miss you." the younger is slightly caught off gaurd when Pete says that he misses him- he always just associated Pete as his boyfriend's friend and never considered that maybe Pete likes him as an individual person. It's kind of flattering, really, even though he truly didn't know all that much about Pete to really have a stable opinion. "That's.... That's great, I never knew anyone ever missed me." he replies as Pete pays for his cigarettes. "Well I do... Come over sometime. See ya." Patrick nods and moves forward in the line. 

 

Joe's half awake and half asleep in Andy's bed with his arm over him. Even though he's far too sober for his likings, he still feels kind of safe and happy in this situation and if it weren't for having to go home to get his backpack and head to school, he'd probably stay here all day, or atleast until Andy left for work. "I have to go to school." he finally says. "Have a good day." Andy replies, his eyes still closed. "You too." Joe sits up straight and prepares to crawl out the window so he doesn't wake Andy's mom or anything. "Hey, Joe?" "Yeah, Andy?" the dark brunette sits up and grabs his glasses off of the nightstand as hr does so he can look Joe straight in the eyes. "You're not a failure." it takes him a second to realize why Andy's saying that, but he eventually concludes that he means it in response to last night when he spilled his heart out on the carpet about everything he's done wrong. "I don't believe you're a bad person for making a few mistakes and you're not selfish for being uncomfortable with letting the world know you like men. You'll know when you're ready, if you ever do decide you're ready."

Joe feels completely out of place during situations like this and he hates himself for being sober and spilling his guts last night because he's completely uncomfortable with himself when he isn't drunk or atleast tipsy, even though he'd really only been heavily drinking for around a year and a half he had already began to base his entire being around who he was when he was drunk. Although Andy wasn't talking about that at all, it kind of made him realize how fucked up that was. "Thanks." he nods. "I love you, man." Andy smiles. "I love you too, Andy." Joe crawls out of bed and puts his shoes on before opening the window, grabbing onto the sill as he swings out and lets go. Andy closes it before taking his glasses off and going back to bed, rolling over in the warm spot that Joe left before it got cool again. 

After running home to grab his backpack and explaining to his mom where he was last night, Joe starts to fear that he probably won't make it to school in time. He's already exhausted from jumping out a window and running 4 blocks within just a few minutes that he'd much rather just give up and lay in the middle of the road until he got hit or something so he just leans against a lamp post to catch his breath and take a drink of fireball that he grabbed on his way out the door since he spent last night sober and prefers not to do it again even though he knows it's fucked up. He knows he really shouldn't be this dependent on alcohol, especially this young, but he missed the burn in the back of his throat as he drinks a whole quarter of the bottle in one swig. Out of the corner of his eye he sees a car start to slow down and figures it's going to pull into the driveway of the house across the street, but as he pulls the bottle away from his lips and starts to twist the cap back on, he realizes the driver's window is rolling down and a rather beautiful lady who's probably way out of his league smiles at him. Realizing that she wants to talk to him or something, he walks over to her, whoever she is. 

"Good morning sir, heading anywhere?" "Well," Joe shrugs, "I should be getting to school, but-" the woman seems slightly surprised when she hears that he needs a ride to school. It's almost like she thought he was over 18 or something. Joe figures she probably did. "Get in." she smiles. "The community college?" yeah, she thought he was an adult. He realizes she could be a murderer or something but decides to take the chance anyways; it's kind of a win-win-win situation, either he gets to school, he's killed without a trace and is freed of all of his life problems, or she drives him far, far away. Can't go wrong there, so he accepts the offer and gets in the passenger seat. "Nah, i'm A senior in highschool." "Oh really?" why is she so surprised? Probably because he was drinking out in the open. "The highschool right up here?" she asks, moving her dark brunette hair out of her face before shifting gears. "Yeah, thanks, ma'am." he replies, putting the fireball in his backpack and pulling out his wallet to pay her atleast a couple of dollars since she was so kind to give him a ride. "What's your name?" he then asks, looking at her with curiosity. She reminds him of Chelsea in some sort of way, possibly her light and bubbly aura; but she also has a much more mature way about her that's pulling him in and he's beginning to wonder if she's some sort of hallucination or something. "Jennifer." she replies, "And what can I call you?" "Just, uh.. Call me Joe." he replies. 

It didn't take long for Patrick to fill his tank and get on his way to school. During the drive, he couldn't help but wonder why Pete was so warm towards him this morning. He couldn't say he'd never been like that, though, because once again, he never truly paid that much attention to Pete himself and always kind of did his own thing or hung around Joe, sometimes even Andy. 

Jennifer pulls into the parkinglot and Joe hands her a $5 bill. She raises an eyebrow and laughs. "What's this about?" "Y'know..." he shrugs. "Like, gas money or something 'cause you gave me a lift." She shakes her head and places the bill in his lap. "Keep it." she smiles, "It was just a simple gesture and I don't expect anything in return." "Oh... Uhh.. Okay then.." he shifts around. "But wait... Hey.." He decides to give her his number incase she ever needed a favor from him. He wasn't going to let it go because he feels like he'd be kind of a bad person if he didn't, even if Jennifer did think it was just a 5 minute ride. After writing his number down on a rip off of a piece of notebook paper, he hands it over to Jennifer and smiles. "Keep it and call me if you ever do need something. She takes the piece of ripped paper and puts it in the cupholder. "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.. But you should probably get going now." "Right!" he comes back to the realization that he's in the school parkinglot and looks around to see a bunch of kids head inside. "Thank you so much, Jennifer." "Any time." she smiles. He grabs his backpack and starts off to homeroom as he watches her leave. 

Once Patrick reaches his parking spot at school, he turns the car off and takes a second to make sure he has everything. As he's making sure of that, a car he can't say he's ever seen pulls in the parking lot. He doesn't pay much attention until he grabs his backpack and gets out. He then notices his possibly-ex-boyfriend in the passenger seat, talking to some girl he's never seen before. He knows that he pretty much told Joe to fuck off yesterday and that it shouldn't bother him, but it still changes his mood greatly, especially when he notices that the taller blonde is smiling like an idiot. Fuck. He has a girlfriend, doesn't he?


	16. You Always Come Close

He practically told him to fuck off, he told him not to even think about being with him unless he stopped acting so ashamed to love him, he pretty much made sure he knew how important it was for him to embrace who he was and he had even decided to ask his co-worker Justin to homecoming, but it sure was killing Patrick to think that Joe could possibly have moved on and gotten with someone else within the short time that they had been apart- it's crushing him more than he wants to admit He knows it's hypocritical because he plans on asking someone else, but truth be told he'll always love Joe possibly too much for his own good and has even began to reconsider asking Justin out because he remembers that Joe said he'd love him forever and he pushed forever aside unless he got what he wanted out of him. Was he being selfish? No, definitely not. He deserved to feel loved behind and outside of closed doors and it didn't seem like Joe wanted that, so why was he so upset? Let him have his stupid little whore, it's time to move on after 2 years of playing stupid games. ....But what if that was the wrong decision? Patrick finally concludes that he should probably wait about asking Justin out until he's 100% sure he can do it, which he's honestly beginning to doubt it, tempted to swallow his pride and beg Joe to take him back even if they do only kiss behind closed doors and in empty parkinglots.

The day passed by like yesterday, except Joe doesn't turn around anymore when Patrick looks at him. He either doesn't care or keeps his head turned to hide a smug smile. Patrick hopes it's the former, and it probably is.. or maybe he meant for Patrick to see him with this girl. Maybe he wants Patrick to be jealous or something. If that's the case then he should stop worrying about it, but it seems as if he simply can't. During lunch period he finds himself growing even more restless than he thought. It's like he absolutely HAS to know. No matter how hard he tries to keep his mind off of it he seemingly can't and ends up cornering Joe when he sees him in homeroom after lunch period. He shuts the door as he comes in so nobody can see them if they get into another argument- seems mature enough.

"Who is she?" he asks as he pins him up against the wall. Joe looks like he's staring off into space as he tries to think about what Patrick could possibly be asking him- it slipped his mind that he was in the car with a girl this morning, but when it comes back to him he shakes his head. "She just gave me a lift 'cause I was late to sch-" he stops when he remembers his and Patrick's little argument yesterday. Why does he care? He told him that if he can't be public about his feelings for him then he should just stop trying and that he was done with him, so why should it make a difference between them if he were to have moved on with someone else? Not that he was, though, honestly. He was far too torn up over Patrick to move on. "What's it to you?" Patrick knows that the feeling of slight heartbreak he gets in his chest when Joe says that in that tone is irrational, but it's still there and it fucking hurts. "Just... Just wondering." Joe sighs and leans up against his locker. They're staring at eachother now and it's just plain awkward. They stay like that for atleast 30 seconds, maybe a whole minute until Joe finally says something. "I miss not being back and forth between being at eachother's throats or in eachother's arms." he says in the softest voice he could possibly use. He looks like he's on the verge of tears and when Patrick realizes that, he blinks. "Sucks, doesn't it?" he says walking off and leaving the door open. It almost sounds like he's saying "You're the one and fucked it up, so deal with it." to Joe, who feels like the world just ended in that moment as he has to grab onto the window sill before he falls on the ground. There's a chill throughout his entire body from the glare that Patrick gave as he said his last word to him. September has never felt this fucking cold and sure, he knows Chicago is a hell of a lot colder from where he's from but he feels absolutely frigid. The biggest majority of him wants to run after Patrick and make sure the whole school knows he's in love with him, but he's too stunned to really move for a good few minutes until he realizes he has to get to his next class. He's probably already late, anyways.

Patrick fights back tears as he heads to his next class as well. All they ever do is hurt eachother and he's sick and tired of it. He wishes that either Joe would just go back to Florida or he could find the strength and courage to drive off far from town, never to return or be seen by locals or old classmates again. He knows that isn't plausible, and he knows it'd kill his mother so he doesn't see it happening, but it sure is hell being in a revolving door of a relationship. It completely sucks ass. He wants to turn back, pin Joe up against that wall and kiss him with the passion that he really feels for him, but he's already made it to class and he knows he'd look fucking stupid if he ran back to homeroom now.

But he can't help but think about it for the rest of the day; how he was so quick to overact, how he couldn't move on, how every time he thought he was fine without Joe something had to go down and prove him wrong. He hated it. He hated it so much. He wanted to fucking disappear. He wants to break down and cry when he gets home, but he knows he can't since he has work later and even worse, Justin isn't on shift today. But he keeps his chin up, makes it through the day and manages to stop wanting to cry before he has to drive home. It wasn't easy, but he'll be an adult in April and has to start acting like one sooner or later, and he'd much rather that be sooner.


	17. The Rock Show

Patrick's been too busy and caught up between graduating high school and work to give much of a fuck about homecoming since he can't bring himself to ask Justin and he hasn't spoken a word to Joe since that day in homeroom that reduced him to tears for the next week. Although he can't ask Justin out, he's still confided in him time after time on the job and a couple of nights have been so bad that he's ended up calling him just to rant. He feels bad about it because Justin needs sleep too, but he still picks up the phone and even invited Patrick to go with him to a concert Friday night if he wasn't going to homecoming or working. He's probably going to go since he is off and hell, it's music, so why not? The band's name is Drive Like June or something like that and they sound pretty cool, so he's kind of excited about it. It's not like anyone's going to ask him to homecoming last minute and quite frankly, he just doesn't want to go anymore. Homecoming was ideally going to be the night that he and Joe came out to school about their relationship, but that had all went do

wn the drain since Joe had different intentions, apparently. To make it worse, Chris still texts Patrick every now and then and has probably invited him as well since he goes to pretty much every local show he can, but Patrick usually ignores him because he's unfortunately come to associate Chris, Andy and Pete with Joe since they're always hanging out. It sucks when his friends were your friends too because he's also had that interaction with Pete the other morning on his mind for some time and hopes that whatever it was that he and Chris were fighting about has been resolved since then. 

And although he has plans for Friday night, once Friday rolls around he's once again tempted to ask Joe again, knowing damn well that it's very unlikely that his feelings about it have changed at all since the last time it was mentioned. He's already double-confirmed his plans, anyways. Justin texts a "6:30 tonight?" that morning and Patrick texts back a "yes" as he heads out the door to drive to school. 

6:30 PM rolls around and Patrick didn't even bother to shower after school since they're going to a rock concert anyways, but he did atleast find a clean shirt. Headlights shine in through the livingroom window and he knows it's Justin so he kisses his mom goodbye and promises to be back before midnight. 

"Come on, we can find a good parking spot if we hurry." Justin says with his window rolled down as Patrick comes out the front door. He shuts it and then climbs into the passenger seat. Justin's car is a hell of a lot cleaner than Patrick's and he can't help but notice that. It's probably the least messy car he's been inside of in a while. "Did you clean your car for me, man?" he asks with a laugh. "Nah, I can't stand having too much clutter in my car, it bothers me to the point where I can't focus on driving properly." Justin replies as he adjusts his rearview mirror. The show is around 20 minutes from Patrick's house, so Justin figures there's plenty of time for music as he turns the radio on. 

"We could.... See a movie?" Andy suggests, looking over at Pete who's sitting on the floor in his apartment. The gang is pretty much all together with Chris in the kitchen grabbing a beer and Pete and Joe sitting on the floor sharing their last joint. Pete's tuning one of his acoustic guitars while Joe takes a drag of said joint. He didn't go to homecoming tonight either, but only because Jennifer was at work that night. She said she would've went with him in a heartbeat when he asked Wednesday morning. But he isn't too bothered about it, though, since you can't smoke weed at homecoming. Well, you can, but it's a lot easier to just sit on the floor of your best friend's apartment and do it instead. 

"Which one?" Pete asks, taking a break from the tuning to take his next turn with the joint as Joe passes it back over.

"Sweet Home Alabama." Chris laughs as he comes back in the livingroom with his beer and sits next to Andy on the couch. Pete starts laughing. "Like, a hick movie?" he asks before taking his next toke and then takes the time to watch the smoke fill the air infront of him before handing it back to Joe, who adds his commentary- "Don't laugh, man, Reese Witherspoon is a fox." "Shut up, Trohman." Pete says as he continues tuning his guitar. "Hope your minor E snaps." the youngest barks back before taking another toke. "Okay," Andy interrupts; "so are we seeing Sweet Home Alabama or not?" 

"Hell no." Pete replies as Joe passes the joint back. "Yeah," Joe adds- "we'd get kicked out 'cause Pete would be jerking it off to Patrick Dempsey." With that, Pete turns around and hits Joe firmly on the arm like he's scolding a kid. Oh wait, he kind of is. "Ow!" Joe yells before he retaliates by slapping Pete so hard that the joint falls out of his mouth and lands on the carpet. "5 second rule." he says, picking the joint up off of the carpet before it started a fire or something. Pete immediately takes it back out of his hand and slightly shoves him. 

"Hey," Chris speaks up, partially to break up the argument "there's a band called Drive Like June playing in downtown Chicago around 7:30. If we head out now we might can get there before they're crowded." Andy blinks and looks at Chris. "Why didn't you tell us that before? Are they good?" Chris laughs, "Fuck if I know, but atleast they're rock. Besides, admission's free." That seems to get the attention of everyone in the room. "Well let's go, fuck." Pete says as he hands the joint back to Joe before he stands up and leans the guitar against the wall. 

 

Once Justin and Patrick arrive to the small venue, they begin to look for a spot to stand. Residing over towards the left side at the 3rd row, they decide that's the best they're going to get by now and Justin lights up a cigarette. "It's getting crowded." he states. "Yeah." Patrick replies, "Maybe that's a good sign." "I sure hope so." Justin says as he takes a drag off of his cigarette.

"Dumbass, I told you we'd be late." Andy says, pulling into the parkinglot of the outdoor venue as they realize how crowded it is. They would've gotten there a lot sooner if it weren't for the fact that Pete begged to stop by their drug dealer's house for more weed since he and Joe just finished their last stash. Pete, who's in the backseat only shrugs as he stashes the weed under the seat until he gets back.

"It's only 7:20 something. The sooner you stop bitching, the sooner we can get in." Chris, who's in the passenger seat says as he unbuckles. Andy sighs and parks the car. "Wait until we get back to your apartment to start on that, I don't want my mom's Tahoe smelling like marijuana 'cause she'll kick my ass." "K." Pete replies before opening the door on his side and crawling out. It doesn't sound like he really means it, but Andy takes it anyway and turns the car off before they start towards the venue.

Justin puts his cigarette out before the band starts. He and Patrick have been talking about seemingly nothing as they always do; mostly about work, their families, school, basic shit like that.

"The only homecoming I attended was junior year and let me tell you, it was a nightmare, man." Justin laughs. "Oh yeah?" Patrick asks, intrigued. "I went with a couple of friends because none of us had dates, or so we thought.. But then it turns out our buddy Andrew did have a date and didn't bother to tell us, so when he got there he completely ditched us and acted like he didn't know us for the rest of the night, which sucked, because we kind of looked like idiots without him since he was the token cool guy of our group." Patrick laughs as he listens to Justin's story. His mind is completely off of Joe and his own homecoming at the moment because all he cares about now is seeing this band and hanging out with his new friend who he wants to consider his best friend right now. "People began to ask Tommy and I if we were gay, and at that time I didn't know that I was into guys, so we swore up and down we weren't, but this guy named Jason, who used to pick on us wouldn't take that for an answer and kept pestering us about 'admitting' it until Tommy finally threw a punch at him." 

Patrick shrugs."I probably would've." "Right?" Justin laughs, continuing. "As you might've guessed it turned into a fight and Tommy got suspended." As Justin goes on, Patrick looks around the venue while still listening. A group of people talking, a couple of girls are arguing over what spot they should take, one guy insisting that he's the cousin of the band's guitarist and that he should take the front for sure. He then sees a guy who looks incredibly familliar. It only takes him a split second to notice it's Pete, and of course once he sees Pete he sees Chris, Andy, and, of course, Joe. Looks like he didn't have a date to homecoming after all.

"Oh, fuck." Patrick mutters under his breath, partially about his discovery and partially about Justin's story, which he's continuing. "He stopped talking to me after that and I don't know why 'cause I was just trying to defend the dude.. So I didn't go to prom nor senior homecoming." "Aw." Patrick says, sympathetically, trying to turn his attention fully on Justin, although it's kind of difficult because he seems to have supersonic hearing when it comes to Joe and he can hear his stupid laugh as he goes on about some stupid shit with his stupid friends. Fuck that guy, honestly. But what if they notice him and come over and start talking to him? Is he really prepared to cause a scene tonight? Of course not, so he tries to block the rest of the world out as he stares at Justin. 

"Good evening, everybody! I would like to introduce you to my friends AJ Brown on bass, Mark Palacz on guitar, Mark Sutor on drums, and me, Tim Brennan on vocals, and we are Drive Like June! Are you ready to get this party started!?" the crowd cheers loudly and Patrick of course joins in. It isn't his first show and he knows exactly what to do.

"I can't hear you!" Tim yells. Of course he can hear them, but it's his job to build up enthusiasm for his band. The crowd cheers again, louder this time with some screaming and a few groupies chanting "Drive Like June! Drive Like June!". Patrick knows that Joe's back there, but he's determined to ignore him and have a good time tonight. That's what he came here for and he isn't going to let Joe's presence get in that way of that.

"This first song's called Ropes, Barrels and Windows!" the crowd cheers even louder and the band goes into the song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drive Like June are a real band, but they went by "June" once they got a record deal. They're pretty good despite their short-lived run. Check them out sometime?


	18. Growing Up or Just Going Down?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all too familliar and it happens all the time.

Drive Like June are getting towards the of their set and the crowd is pretty hyped. Patrick thinks they definitely have potential as go into a cover of Blink-182's "What's My Age Again?". The crowd seems to get even more wild as they go into said cover since pretty much everyone either loves, or atleast can jam to Blink. Well, almost everyone. The guy next to Patrick seems kind of like a snob and hasn't seemed very fond of them ever since he came there. Patrick's beginning to get annoyed with the way he rolls his eyes or sticks his tongue out when the leasd singer isn't looking. At first he figured maybe the guy was just having a bad night, but then again, shouldn't he go home? Patrick doesn't plan on saying anything as he jumps around with Justin, singing along to the lyrics.

"That's about the time she walked away from me! Nobody likes you when you're 23!" Tim sings as Patrick, Justin, and pretty much the entire rest of the crowd (except for the guy next to Patrick who he's dubbed as 'The Snob' in his head.) repeat the words with him. It's been a while since Patrick's felt this free and he wishes he could do it every single night. Concerts are one of the things he wouldn't give up for the world. 

Once the song ends, Patrick's once again slightly brought down from his musical high- a recurring theme that's happened every time they end a song, but he always bounces right back once they go into the next one. 

"How did we do?" Tim asks, "Everyone loves Blink-182, right? Wouldn't wanna fuck that up by no means." The crowd cheers, meaning that they liked it. The Snob doesn't, however and Patrick can sense he's about to say something. He was beginning to wonder when he would.

"It sucked!" he yells, using his hands to amplify his voice to make sure they could hear. Tim doesn't seem too entirely bothered about it, he's probably used to it. It really ticks Patrick off though because they were just an upcoming band and really had talent. Sure, everyone's entitled to their own opinions but this guy's aura has already been gnawing at Patrick and for him to be so rude about his opinion really pisses him off.

"Sorry, man." Tim says. Patrick then steps up. "It was really fucking good, you're amazing!" he yells, cupping his hands like The Snob, only louder this time to make sure he heard. The crowd cheers in agreement.

Further to the left is Joe. He immediately recognizes Patrick's voice and his mood automatically drifts. He was right, he can't argue that they're pretty good and as someone who dreams of being in a band like that one day, he finds himself taking mental notes while still enjoying himself with the rest of his friends. He's always done that at shows because he knew he wanted to be in a band ever since he was a little kid. But the realization that Patrick's also here brings back that burning, guilty feeling that he hasn't been able to shake ever since the last time he told him he didn't want people knowing he was into guys. He remembers seeing a couple of local shows with Patrick two years back and how both times they would spend the night at Patrick's house and play video games until their eyes burned. He feels entirely like it's all his fault because, well, maybe it is. It sucks that his mood was dampened, but he then remembers that there's a stash of marijuana in the Tahoe that he chipped in on. Surely he wouldn't get arrested or someshit for smoking. He knows there's a pack of rolling paper in the armrest as well because Pete's just that careless with his shit. "Can I have your keys?" he asks Andy, "I'm not gonna drive off or anything." Andy nods and hands them to him. With that, Joe walks off.

"You think he's gonna' be okay?" Andy asks, looking over at Pete and Chris. "He's just going to get toked." Chris shrugs. Pete nods.

Drive Like June go into their last song for the night once their heckler's attention is turned off of them, which immediately gets their attention back on them too. 

"Everyone's entitled to their opinion, sweets." The Snob says, rather sarcastically putting his arm on Patrick's shoulder. Justin backs off sheepishly and once Patrick realizes he did, he mentally rolls his eyes and thinks "pussy." to himself now that his jimmies have been rustled.

"Yeah," Patrick interrupts, taking the guy's hand off of his shoulder, "but you don't have to be so fucking rude about it.." he looks up at the band briefly but then turns his attention back to staring The Snob in the eyes. "And do that again, baby, and I'll break your fucking wrist." The Snob laughs. Patrick's 5'4 and doesn't seem like he's the most in-shape person so he figures he wouldn't do much damage, but boy, was he wrong. "Do you wanna go, groupie?" he asks, mocking the way Patrick stood up so much for the band, much like a groupie would. "Cause just know I can-" Patrick isn't wasting any time and throws the first punch. The Snob retaliates immediately and shoves Patrick to the ground. It was clear that he wasn't fighting Joe this time, so he'd definitely have to step up his game. His next resort is pulling his opponent to the ground by grabbing his ankles. It seems to work, but he gets right back up and grabs Patrick by the collar, bringing him up to his feet as well. A majority of the crowd then turn their focus onto the fight with no intentions of getting involved, of course. Everyone enjoys drama or a good throwdown every now and then, and paired with the music, it's like dinner and a show.

Once Joe reaches the Tahoe and unlocks it, he sighs and opens the armrest to find the paper. Nothing violent (that he knows of) has happened yet, so the police shouldn't be around. He knows he has to be really careful though, because if he were to be busted, he'd never hear the end of it from his mom. Hell, she's so hypocritical she'd probably kick him out of the house despite the fact that she does crack cocaine. Just another reason he wishes he lived with his dad.

The Snob punches Patrick right between the eyes. That's when it really gets serious and he's lucky he wears contacts these days opposed to the glasses he had to haul around during his younger teen years. He jabs his knee into the guy's stomach which provokes him to attempt to strangle Patrick, who only swings another punch and then kicks him in the shins, once again bringing him to the ground. The Snob stands up immediately and punches Patrick again, this time in the nose, bringing blood to match the bruise that's forming on his right eye from the last punch. They start seriously throwing down now, starting to pull hair like a catfight or something. Well, maybe an alleycat fight. Feline-related or not, it definitely isn't pretty, but nobody's called the police yet. 

After they throw a couple more punches, Chris finally comes over and intervenes. "Break it up, babies, we get where you stand." by time Patrick feels himself being pushed away from the fight he's already started to fall down another spiral of self-hatred. Why was he so violent all the time? And once again, the question he asked himself time after time, Why was he like this? There's blood running down his nose, he has a black eye, bruises on his arms and probably his legs too and he's noticed he's done a number on the other guy once he sees that he's busted his lip open. He covers his face in shame, knowing that a good 20-something people just saw him get into a petty fight. The Snob slightly shoves Chris and walks away from the scene, which Patrick doesn't see until he uncovers his face. 

"It happens, man." Chris reassures him. He nods and turns around to face Justin, who has a guilty puppy-dog look on his face. Patrick's furious at him for not stepping in and letting him get so violent, even though he knows he shouldn't be. 

"I'm sorry-" Justin starts, only to be interrupted by Patrick, who shoves past him to leave the scene instead of actually talking to him. Justin sighs as he and Chris watch him storm off.

Joe's sitting on the sidewalk, a few feet away from the Tahoe, smoking a joint. He's finally calming down as he watches the smoke fill the air and begins to think that he was pretty stupid for getting so upset over seeing Patrick. Well, speaking of, he looks up and sees Patrick with a bloody nose stomping out of the venue. He thinks he's hallucinating for a split second until he hears him wimper. With that, he immediately stands up, not caring about if he's mad at him or not, he's pretty concerned about that bloody nose. 

"Hey." the taller of the two says, approaching him. Patrick turns around to face him. He wants to ignore him, but after what he just went through, he remembers that Joe would always know more about him than anyone, and could therefore probably offer more comfort. Without even thinking about the fact that this would probably lead to yet another relationship attempt, he wraps his arms around him and starts sobbing into his shoulder, much to his surprise. Joe doesn't question it, though, and instead is thankful that Patrick trusts him enough in this moment to seek comfort from him.

"Why am I like this?" Patrick asks through tears, "Why am I such an asshole?" Joe sighs and rubs his back while still holding onto the joint because he figures Patrick's probably gonna need it. "What happened?" he asks. He knows what probably happened, but he was going to let Patrick just go ahead and spill his guts about it. "Fucking..." Patrick pulls his face out of Joe's shoulder, noticing that he just bled on his light grey shirt. Fuck. "I'm sorry..." he mutters, staring at the blood, "I.." Joe shrugs. "Hang on.. Here." he hands Patrick the joint and then takes off to the Tahoe. Patrick's slightly confused, but takes a toke off of the joint while he has it. 

Joe returns less than a minute later with a bottle of water and a hankerchief. "It's all I could find." he says as he pours some of the water on the hankerchief and then uses it to gently wipe the drying blood off of Patrick's face. "The joint's yours.. Go on." Patrick blinks as he looks at the joint. He's touched that Joe would be so kind to let him have it since it's still a decent length. He takes a toke of gratitude and sighs contently as he feels the smoke exit his lungs and float into the air, starting to feel slightly better already, even if he knows that Joe is probably going to ignore him again Monday morning, or worse, continue on with another relationship attempt only to tell him he's ashamed of being caught with him. "I got into a fight with a guy who said the band sucked.. I don't know when I got so violent and.." he thumps ashes off of the joint and sighs. "I hate myself for it." Joe nods sympathetically. "I know how you feel." he replies, "Not really with violence but I can't stand myself when I'm not under the influence of something." he shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets. Patrick takes another toke before speaking again. "I pretty much just ditched Justin." Joe smirks. "Were you the designated driver?" he asks. Patrick shakes his head. "Nah." "Then don't worry about it." Joe states. Patrick smiles at him. Even if the feeling was usually temporary, he always made him feel better somehow. 

His next action is all too familiar as he leans over and presses his lips against Joe's, expecting him to pull away. He doesn't, though, and they go at it again while Patrick still keeps the joint firmly between his fingers. Joe's kiss is pure ecstasy as he remembers that he said he'd love him forever. He assumes that "forever" still stands. Apparently it does.


	19. One Of THOSE Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been completely meaning to update, I just never got around to it, sorry. But thank you SO much for all of the positive feedback so far, it really means alot!

Patrick knew what he was doing when he kissed Joe, he knew what he was doing when he told Justin that he wasn't riding home with him and instead crawled in the back of Andy's Tahoe, he knew what he was doing when he rode with them to Pete's apartment and he knew what he was doing when he called his mother and told him his whereabouts and that he probably wouldn't be coming home tonight, so he definitely knows what he's doing as he sits on Pete's livingroom floor, sharing another joint and a bag of cheese puffs with his maybe-boyfriend while the other 3 are playing Uno at the coffee table.

"So we're doing this again?" Joe asks shamlessly. They either don't care enough already, or have just gotten high enough to where they've reached the point of openly talking about how up and down their relationship is. And while Joe realizes that his fear of being out in the open with Patrick is one of the many factors that keeps the rollercoaster going and is definitely not proud of that, he's still not brave enough to come to full terms with his attraction to men and would prefer to not think about it. Maybe he just likes girls and Patrick is the one exception. And boy, he sure is one major exception because Joe still swears up and down that he's never felt the same about any other person on this planet and if anything ever were to happen to Joe, he atleast would want Patrick to know that.

"Guess so." Patrick replies, taking a toke off of the joint. Joe can only shrug as he puts another cheese puff in his mouth, watching Patrick blow smoke into the air before sticking his hand in the bag as well.

"Sorry about homecoming." Joe says as Patrick hands him the joint back. 

"Don't worry." Patrick says softly, licking cheese puff dust off of his thumb. "I'd much rather be doing this than anything else.. Y'know, especially after I got my ass kicked." "Sorry about that too." Joe says before taking another toke. He then looks over at the other 3 playing their card game and the fact that they could probably care less about his and Patrick's fucked up relationship was kind of a major relief because he knew that Pete would never let him hear the end of it. 

"Hurry up and pull a 7 out of your ass." Chris says, staring at Pete, who instead pulls out a wildcard. "Blue." he spits. Andy groans as he has to draw out cards.

Joe hands Patrick the joint back. "Thanks." he says as he takes it between his fingers, staring at the lit end for a split second before taking his next toke. Joe's still watching Andy, Pete and Chris play Uno as he continues to shove cheese puffs in his mouth. It's quite entertaining watching Chris and Pete argue over if a card is a '9' or a '6'. But he then looks back at Patrick, and between Patrick's baby blue eyes and golden colored hair that Joe swears is far too soft for a human being to have, he would honestly believe anyone in that moment if they told him that he were looking at an angel. Too bad he wasn't, though, and Joe was just high off of his ass. He smiles softly at him before he's handed the joint back.

"The fuck you lookin' at, man?" Patrick asks. "You." Joe replies, taking the joint from Patrick. The shorter of the two scoffs, but scoots closer to Joe nevertheless. "Kiss me, you idiot." he says, grabbing the wrist of the hand that's holding the joint and pulling it towards the ashtray between them so it's out of the way as he asserts his lips to Joe's.

"Love you." Patrick whispers once he pulls away. "You too." Joe says before taking the joint out of the ashtray and then his next toke. Patrick turns his attention back over to the cheese puffs which are nearly gone between the two of them. 

Joe then falls on his back and stares up at the ceiling- well, more specifically the one lone glow-in-the-dark star that was probably left there by someone who lived in the apartment prior to Pete. It still glows very faintly when the lights are completely off, but if it weren't for it's pink tint, you could never have seen it in the actual light. "I could fall asleep here." he states as Patrick takes the joint out of his hand, realizing that it's at the point of burning his fingers. He then sits looks around the room for something he could use as a clip. "Oh yeah?" he asks, pulling a bobby pin off of a side table. It wasn't his first choice of course, but he didn't have an actual clip and he wasn't going to let any of the precious herb go to waste. "Mhmm." replies. Patrick clips the roach onto the bobby pin and hands it over to him. He smiles and takes it. "Aren't you nifty?" Patrick laughs and rolls his eyes as he lets himself fall onto the floor next to Joe. "I'd say I'm pretty creative." Joe takes another toke and hands it back to Patrick. "Finish it off." he smiles, rubbing his eyes. 

By midnight, they're asleep on the floor. Andy left around 11, followed by Chris around 11:45. Pete leaves the card game spread out on the table, far too careless to pick it up and throws a couple of pillows at them. Patrick wakes up briefly and laughs slightly once he realizes it's not the first time he's slept over on Pete's floor with Joe. 

"Do you want a blanket or something?" Pete asks, "or like, the couch?" Patrick shrugs. "The carpet isn't too bad, I guess, but the blanket would be appreciated." Pete nods and pulls the blanket off of the couch, throwing it on top of them. "Night." he says as he heads to his own room. Patrick nudges Joe to move his head up so he can stick the pillow under it, which he does, albeit half asleep and hardly aware of what's going on. All he knows is that his head is getting an upgrade from it's position. It doesn't take long for Patrick to fall back asleep once he's settled- he feels so safe whenever he's with Joe, and he could only hope that Joe feels the same.


	20. Can't Go Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional Trigger Warnings for:
> 
> Murder/Death and Near Suicide Mention !!!

"I kinda' missed your brown hair, but the blonde wasn't that bad either." Patrick smiles as he slumps down in the passenger seat of his car that he's letting Joe drive to school one late October morning.

A lot has changed since that night in Pete's apartment, and most of it is for the better. After years of fighting the way he felt, it hit him like a ton of bricks as he woke up next to Patrick the morning after the concert that one day they were going to break up and it'd be the last time. The thought of Patrick moving on with someone else terrified him; someone who wasn't always hiding, someone who would kiss him shamelessly in the middle of the school hallways, someone who would argue against their parents' homophobic comments and defend their relationship. In that moment as Patrick opened his eyes, Joe came to the realization that he needed to be that person. It was damned if he didn't, damned if he did and to prove that to not only himself but to Patrick too, he made sure that they were seen on Monday by the majority of their class in homeroom that morning as he made out with Patrick with as much- no, probably even more passion as he would with Chelsea. As he came to full terms with his sexuality he finally gained the courage to come out to his mother, even if she very hastily told him it was "just a phase" and that "Patrick was probably just making him think he was gay", atleast she'd know he tried to tell her. 

And coming out to Steven is a problem on it's own considering that he has the power to kick him out of the house (or even something worse), so he'd rather just either wait or avoid telling him all together. On that note, he honestly has no idea what he'd do if his mom ended up telling him before he could. He tries not to think too hard about it.

Patrick enjoys the security of being in a relationship with someone who was open and honest about his attraction to him and the fact that they could both easily throw a punch if need be was pretty reassuring too. Other than the occasional teasing at school, though, they've been pretty safe showing affection in public. And while Patrick still has doubts that it'll last, (which, rightfully so.) he's considered throwing hints at Joe that he would love to share an apartment with him after graduation if he doesn't move back to Florida, which is also likely since Joe has told him that he should be able to start putting payments on a car after his next paycheck. Patrick is trying his best to take things slow, but that's kind of hard when he's quite literally been head-over-heels for over 2 years.

"I didn't have the time to keep it up and my roots were coming in bad." Joe replies to what Patrick commented about his hair, "It was fun while it lasted though, huh?" "Yeah." Patrick says, "Did you find out if blondes have more fun?" Joe laughs and shrugs, "Not really, I mean, I'm always having fun if there's alcohol involved." 

Patrick sits straight up in his seat once they pull into the school parking lot and gives Joe a quick kiss on the cheek before reaching in the backseat to grab his backpack. After putting the car in full park and taking the key out, Joe grabs his as well and hands Patrick his keys back. "Ready?" he asks. "Mhmm." Patrick hums before giving Joe another kiss, this time on his lips. "Let's go." they crawl out and Patrick locks his car before they throw their backpacks on and hold hands as they walk towards the entrance. It feels so natural and right to Patrick as he feels Joe hold his hand as tightly as possible. He can only hope that it stays this way for a long time, even if he knows things like that aren't always possible. It's still nice to hope.

As they get closer towards the entrance, Patrick notices a couple of police cars parked. It probably isn't a big deal, but the last time he saw the police at school was during the drug assembly before he started junior year.

"Why are the police here?" he asks, stopping and letting go of Joe's hand. Joe shrugs. "Probably some elementary school event." Patrick furrows his brow. "But why would they be here?" Joe pauses for a second to think. Patrick's right- why would they be parked in the high school division? That's definitely unlikely. "I dunno....Parking space?" Patrick shakes his head. It's probably nothing. "Maybe." he replies, taking Joe's hand back in his and continuing to the entrance. Neither of them say anything, but as they get closer they can definitely feel the atmosphere change. Something's definitely up and they're presented with another hint once they walk in and the hallways are crowded with students from their own class. Shouldn't they be in homeroom? As one of their classmates, Katie Myers walks by, Patrick sees the chance.

"Hey, Katie, what's going on?" he asks. She turns to them with a worried expression on her face, but what Patrick doesn't understand is why she turns her focus more to Joe than him, who asked the question. Maybe she just mixed up their voices since she seems on edge. Either way, he knows that nothing good is about to come out of her mouth.

"Didn't you hear?" she asks, starting to tear up. "Hear what?" Joe then asks, letting go of Patrick's hand and crossing his arms. She stands zoned out and frozen for a second. "Katie, you gotta' tell us, we're lost." Patrick urges. Katie swallows and looks around. "Chelsea... she was murdered on the football field," Tears stream faster down her face, "along with Rodney Merrick." she starts crying on the spot. Both Patrick and Joe blink in that moment. 

There is- was- only one Chelsea in their class and that's Chelsea Asher, as in the girl that Joe dated before he and Patrick inserted themselves back into eachother's lives. It completely catches them both by surprise and even though they already know which Chelsea she means, complete and utter denial causes Joe to ask.

"...Ch..Chelsea.. Asher?..." Katie nods, still crying. "I'm sorry." with that, she walks off.

The death of both Chelsea and Rodney are both incredibly heartbreaking on their own, but it's a whole different level when you're close, or even used to be close to one of the people who died- no, murdered. 

And the fact that it was a murder is what Patrick really can't swallow- the fact that someone was cruel, cold-blooded and heartless enough to take the lives of two innocent teenagers who hadn't even graduated high school or even lived yet really got to him, and sure, he never knew either of them that well, but he can be an incredibly emotional and touchy person when it comes to shit like this and he's already on the verge of tears.

He can't even begin to imagine how hard their families must be taking it because hell, he feels like he's going to break down himself as he thinks about how bad he would've hurt his own mother if he had actually went through with blowing his brains out a couple of years ago when he felt like it was the only option. He can't stop thinking about how greatful he was towards whatever it was that came over him to put it down and just go to bed. Life is such a fragile thing and it's moments like this that really make him think about it. He wants to run home right now and hug his mother as tightly as possible because he knows her and he knows how much she worries about him already. Whoever killed those kids better fucking pay and he can already tell he wasn't going to let it go anytime soon as he turns to look up at his boyfriend who still looks numb.

"I'm sorry." Patrick says, putting his hand on Joe's right arm, scared to full-out hug him right now. "I know you had a thing with Chelsea, I know she meant a lot to you at one point.." he feels tears stream down his face, but Joe's still absolutely and completely numb as the guilt hits him. It hits him hard and he can hardly feel Patrick next to him.

He had a lot of positive experiences with her and after the breakup, he always wondered what it'd be like if they had never actually dated and just remained good friends. She did nothing wrong at all in the relationship and he knows everything bad that happened between them was brought on by his own carlessness, simply because he didn't know how to properly express his feelings and, as much as he hated to admit it, kind of just used her. 

It's like a major slap in the face and he doesn't think he can handle the guilt and anxiety that comes with the fact that he knew what he was doing when he strung her and her feelings along all of that time and the fact that she died not thinking he ever cared about her at all, even if he never truly "loved" her in that sense, he definitely enjoyed hanging around her. Her bubbly personality was definitely a positive influence on him and very often got his mind off of the shitstorm that was his life at home. And as in love as he is with Patrick, he feels like he would give anything to have one more day with her, sitting in her bedroom and talking about their hopes, dreams and aspirations in life. But that's taken away from him now and he's left feeling nauseous.

Patrick doesn't know what to do with himself at the moment. He feels awful, absolutely and completely awful. And what makes it worse is that he even has the guts to wonder what this means for him and Joe as a couple. Surely it won't affect them, will it?

"Babe," he says softly, "I know you're not-" Joe shakes his head and adjusts his backpack. 

"I'm gonna' be fuckin' sick." is all he says as he walks off, leaving Patrick at a complete stand-still. He hates it. He doesn't know if he should follow Joe or not because he honestly doesn't know how he reacts under situations like this and as scared as he is to find out, he knows he'll have to do damage control eventually in one way or another.


	21. What Are We Up Against?

"You think we're intrusive?" Joe asks, brushing a finger along the petal of begonia as delicately as he possibly could, still scared he would end up tearing the delicate flower. "Didn't really know the guy or his family for that matter." As he runs his fingers on the begonias, he feels like it's kind of a metaphor for how a lot of things are delicate. Like life and hearts and shit like that. 

Or maybe he's just overthinking things because he knows that Patrick wants to visit the Ashers after this because it doesn't matter that Chelsea was his boyfriend's ex- he just sees a grieving family who could definitely use a little kindness, and lately he's been trying to become a much kinder person. This was only a small step he could take towards that, and besides, his mother would probably have made him anyways because it was the first thing she brought up to him once she heard the news and sent him about his way to go pick up the flowers.

Joe wishes he could see it that way, but in reality he's anxious about what her parents are going to say once they see him. Hell, they could even blame him for killing her, which is probably far-fetched, but the thought definitely crosses his mind. He wanted to do this, though. Patrick didn't force him to come along, or even ask for that matter- he just did it anyways because he has to agree that it's definitely a nice thing to do.

"Of course not." Patrick replies as he pulls into the driveway of the Merricks' house. "I'm sure plenty of other classmates who didn't know him either well have stopped by and offered their condolences as well." he puts the car in park, unbuckles and then takes one of the two identical bouquets of flowers out of his boyfriend's shaking hands. One was for Rodney's parents and one was for Chelsea's. Patrick sighs as the severity of the situation hits him again. "I just can't imagine how painful this has got to be.. I mean, you gave birth to this child... And like, raised them and watched them grow up and shit and.. Then they're taken away from you by some cold and heartless asshole who decided to just... End their life.." Patrick shakes his head and makes sure his car is turned off. "Ready?" Joe nods as they both crawl out of the car and head towards the front door of the house. Patrick knocks twice and patiently waits for an answer, which he soon gets.

"Hello," Mrs.Merrick says as she opens the door. Her eyes are bloodshot and they can immediately feel the heavy aura in the room. It's thick and nearly suffocating. "you must be a couple of Rodney's classmates." she says. 

They both nod. "Um.. We brought flowers.. If that's okay?" Patrick asks, as in that moment it hits him that she or someone else in the house could easily be allergic. Fuck. 

Thankfully, she smiles and nods as she accepts his offer. Atleast she's being nice about it even if that were the case. "They're beautiful, thank you."

"You're welcome," Patrick replies, "My mom said that the begonia symbolizes meditation.. Or something like that... So, long story short, it can be gifted to someone who's working through a hard time.. As I can only imagine that you are going through.." Mrs.Merrick nods. 

"I'm sorry if you've already told me," she says apologetically, "my mind is kind of all over the place, but what are your names?" 

"Oh, my name is Patrick." "Hey.. I'm Joe, I uh, actually talk." he laughs nervously. She smiles and makes it a point to shake both of their hands. 

"Rodney has mentioned you two before," she says as she admires the color of the flowers. It isn't too much of a shock to either of them that they have been mentioned, but what about is the question on their minds. "he said that he admires- I mean.... admired- she shakes her head as she has to remember to talk about him in the past tense. It's so hard to believe that her only son was gone, ripped away from her by someone who may never even be caught. "-how brave you are for being so open about your relationship." 

Oh, of course it would be about that. They're the token gay couple in class. Sometimes that's just how it is. It is indeed rather flattering that someone admired it, however, because for the most part they just got teased about it. And not to press stereotypes, but Rodney was on the football team, which definitely meant he was one of the jocks who had probably poked fun at them once or twice before. That doesn't matter now, does it?

"He.. admired us?" Joe asks, not in a very surprised tone, (which he was) but more of a 'i kind of zoned out and missed the conversation' type of way. 

"That's what he said." Mrs.Merrick replies. before turning her focus back to them with a friendly smile. "I very much appreciate the flowers, and not to sound like I'm trying to get rid of you two, but I still have to contact a few family members." 

"Right." Joe nods, "We're very, very sorry for your loss, Mrs.Merrick."

"...And we're sorry for disturbing you." Patrick adds.

"Oh, don't be!" she says, "Seriously, it was a very pleasant surprise. Not even Rodney's friends have shown up quite yet, so please, don't worry about it." 

They both smile and nod as Mrs.Merrick closes the door.

Patrick immediately looks at his boyfriend, knowing that he's on edge about their next visitation. He takes his hand in his and squeezes it gently to let him know he's definitely there. "I love you." he says like he has every hour on the hour today just to remind him that he isn't going anywhere. Well, not yet, atleast. 

Patrick knows that Joe feels guilty about the way things ended with the dead girl and he's trying to ignore any fear in the back of his mind that it could get in the way of their relationship, because he knows if he lets the fear take over it definitely will get in the way and he doesn't want that at all. Patrick just wishes he could actually read his mind and know exactly what was going on up there, but he also knew it wasn't anything good.

"I love you too." Joe replies, giving Patrick a kiss on the cheek. 

"Talk to me if you need to," Patrick states, "I don't care that she was your ex, I know you probably have a lot of feelings about this situation and I care a lot about you so I want to know what's going on inside of you and I need to know if you're okay because y'know... It's fine if you're not. I get it."

Joe just shrugs and lets go of Patrick's hand as he crawls back into the passenger seat of the car, setting the flowers on the dashboard. Patrick crawls in the driver's seat, but he isn't going to give up just yet. He wants to know what to expect from his boyfriend when they pull up to the Ashers' house.

"Joe." he sighs. "What?!" Joe replies, raising his voice. Patrick's slightly startled by it, but he keeps his composture anyways because he really doesn't want to start a scene in the drive way of practical strangers' house.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Patrick asks before making any next decisions, "We don't have to, y'know."

"Yeah, of course." Joe replies. "We're good, I'm fine, let's go."

Patrick nods and buckles up before pulling out of the driveway. He doesn't expect too much during the drive over there except for silence and a slight sense of anxiety. And that's exactly what he gets.


	22. Figure it Out

Patrick stands ever-so-awkwardly in the living room of boyfriend's ex's parents' house as he watches Mr.Asher, a 6'3 man who's nearly 200 pounds almost snap his 5'10 and probably 90-pound boyfriend in half. The only reason he isn't trying to pull him out of Mr.Asher's grip is because the man's sobbing on Joe's shoulder, which is both awkward, yet comforting and all at the same time makes him feel even more guilty that Chelsea probably talked about him fondly enough to warrant such a friendly reaction from her father. But he has his arms around Mr.Asher too, while Mrs.Asher rubs her husband's back.

"Your daughter really loved him, didn't she?" Patrick asks feebly. He knows the answer, though, and he and Joe both know the only reason she broke it off with him was because he just wasn't returning the affection that she desperately craved from him. Patrick sfeels pretty bad that he had to keep making presences in Joe's life to the point where his feelings were brought back up enough for him to zone out on his girlfriend like that. 

"She really did." Mrs.Asher replies. "Chelsea could go on for hours and hours about him. His musical talent, his eyes, his hands, you know.. All of that." Patrick nods because he too could go on for hours about all of those things when it came to Joe.

"It used to drive me crazy," she continues, "but now..." she shakes her head and Patrick can tell she's about to cry. "now I would give anything to hear her go on about him again.. She told me that they broke up because he wasn't very interested in her.. But then again she had a tendency to blow things completely out of proportion."

Patrick shrugs. Maybe she was blowing it out of proportion, but then again if you're not feeling loved in a relationship then it's definitely best to break things off.

"If a relationship isn't working, it isn't working." he says like he knows anything about being able to let go for good, he probably sounds incredibly hypocritical to Joe, if he can even hear him, which, luckily for Patrick, isn't very likely considering that he's still being used as a comfort object for Mr.Asher. He doesn't seem to care too much, though. "Usually when people break up it's for the best." 

"You're right." Mrs.Asher replies before turning to her husband. "Martin, I'm sure the boy would like to breathe." she says, nudging him to let go of Joe, which he does, albeit gradually.

"She adored you." he says to Joe, still teary-eyed as he lets him go. "You made her so happy when you were together.. Even if you weren't in love with her, she was in love with you." 

To hear further confirmation that Chelsea was infact in love with him just makes Joe feel even worse if that's possible, and a little bit scary considering that it's coming from her father. He wishes that he'd atleast made more of an effort to make her feel like their past relationship was worth her time, but it was far too late now. 

"She was wonderful." he says, looking Mr.Asher in the eyes. "Her eyes were like stars and her bright aura was the galaxy. She loved everything, everyone and she told me that she wished she didn't have such a popular status and was seen as such a high-class snob.. Because trust me, Mr.Asher, she wasn't." 

Patrick can't even feel jealous in that moment because he knows what Joe is saying is more than likely true. Chelsea did seem to have a bubble of happiness around her, even if she was a bit dramatic in his eyes.

"She has pictures of you in her room," Mrs.Asher states, "I didn't know if you would want them or not so I left them alone.. I don't think she would mind you going in her room, but then again you are her ex.."

"Please?" Joe replies, "I promise I'll only be in there a few minutes, I want to see her room one last time." He wonders if that sounded weird. Maybe not though, since her room was one of their main hangout spots when they were together and her parents probably knew that. He heads towards the hallway and Patrick follows. He doesn't intend on going in her room himself, but he realizes that if Joe breaks down, (which is very well possible considering that, once again, Patrick isn't sure how he'll hold up and he personally probably would've started bawling on the spot) he'll probably have to drag him out.

Chelsea's room is nearly the exact same as Joe remembers it, although it appears that she got another glitter lamp during the past couple of months. He feels such a calming vibe from the room as he looks around at her drawings, the Brand New poster that she had him hang, the white Christmas lights she had strung along her room that he remembers fixing a time or two, her purple and green-striped comforter that they would hide under for hours on end, the same jacket draped over the swirling chair at her desk, and right above her bed, clipped onto a thin shelf; a couple of rolls of photos from their multiple photobooth sessions on various movie theatre dates. As he carefully takes one off of it's clip, he feels a longing in his chest to have made atleast one more of those. They looked so happy- hell, they really were a lot of the time. It's obvious that keeping their hands off of eachother was hard, and that's proved by the photos in his hand. In the second to last photo, she's kissing his cheek, and in the last one, her lipstick lingers. He touches that cheek in a nostalgic fashion as he remembers how he let it stay as long as it would afterwards and didn't even bother to wipe it off. Sure, he had a pink stain there for the next week, but that's just how the story goes.

"You okay?" Patrick asks, leaning against the doorframe. Joe nods and turns around. 

"I'm good." he replies as he walks back through the room to the door. 

"You don't have to lie and I don't care if you keep that, y'know." Patrick reminds him. He nods again. 

"I know.." he says as he looks at the pictures again. "Just wish she knew...." he stops in his tracks because he realizes how weird it is to talk about his regrets regaurding his past relationship with his current partner. Oh, yikes.

"Yeah." Patrick replies, "Come on, let's give the Ashers some privacy." 

They walk out of the hallway and towards the front door. Joe waves to Mrs.Asher as they pass by her on their way out. 

 

-

"This has got to be a bad place for you to be in." Joe states as they get in the car, like he hasn't said he's sorry atleast 100 times today. "I know it's not easy watching your boyfriend get sentimental over his ex, but please remember that I love you and only you, Patrick." 

"I know." he replies, leaning over the armrest to give Joe a quick kiss. It was awkward as hell and he wasn't going to deny that, but Joe was his and his only now and like he'd hinted before, he knew that it was definitely going to be a little rough on him since he had regrets. He would've been the exact same way. "I love you, too, Joe, don't ever forget that." 

"I won't."

"Good."


	23. I Don't Care If You're Contagious

The events of Wednesday are far from being completely out of Patrick's head, but when Saturday rolls around, he's completely submerged in his job, although pretty damn worn out physically and he kinda feels like he's starting to develop a headache. It's expected, though, considering that the past few days have been hard on the whole school and it's probably just the stress of the tragic event and constant worrying about his boyfriend's next move. 

But Joe seems okay, though, and he texted Patrick around 9 in the morning that Pete and Chris going to take him to at least look around for a car that was within his budget before he had to show up to his own job at 3. Patrick has to say he's quite impressed with the way Joe managed to keep back money instead of blowing it all on alcohol and he hopes that they'll both only continue to make mature choices like that and then maybe, just maybe, after graduation they could possibly even live in an apartment or something together. The thought of settling down both scares and excites Patrick all at the same time and as he can probably imagine, the same goes for Joe.

"340 Bridgers Drive, you should be there in 15 minutes or less." Justin says as he hands Patrick the pizza for his fourth or fifth delivery.

"Thanks, man." Patrick replies, taking it and securing it in the warming bag before heading out to his delivery car. As he steps outside, he feels a dull pain start to take his head over. Great, he thinks, he really is getting a headache now. He figures it'll be fine, though, he can just stick it out until he gets off at 4, which should only be two more deliveries now. It it gets really bad, he'll just take an advil or something. No big deal.

-

"So, I can have the car.....Today?" Joe asks, furrowing his eyebrows in slight disbelief as he looks at the car salesman. The car he'd looked at and decided was the one he wanted was a 1995 Mazda with a slight dent on the side that was hardly that noticeable. According to Pete, the mileage listed for it was pretty great and Joe likely "wasn't going to get a better deal than that" according to the salesman, even though he probably could've gotten the same price on a car of a similar make and model at the car lot down the street. That was his job to convince and fear-monger though, wasn't it?

"Yep." the salesman replies, "How old are you?"

"17." Joe replies, not thinking too much about it. He's sure the salesman just wants to know he isn't like a 12 year old or something trying to get behind the wheel. He then pulls his driver's license out to confirm.

"Oh, I believe you," the man says as he looks at Joe's driver's license. "I just need a parent, legal guardian or someone on the same insurance plan to co-sign." Oh, hell. Why didn't he think of that? Yes, his mother knew he was going out to look for a car today, but she was still asleep when he left the house and it kind of slipped his mind that she'd probably have to co-sign. Steven was at work and neither Pete nor Chris were on the same insurance plan as he was. Why didn't he wake his mother up? 

"I'm not legally his guardian, and I don't have insurance," Pete starts, realising that admitting he wasn't insured was probably a bad move at a car dealership. "but... Hey, I'm 23 and he might as well live with me."

"Sir, I said-"

"We know what you said," Chris interrupts. Joe covers his face in slight embarrassment. They already look like idiots, but it'll look worse if they start a fight. 

"This is my kid." Pete says firmly. He's not too off from the truth since Joe had began to cling onto him like an older brother in the past year. "And no, I don't have papers, but..." Pete digs around in his pocket for a second, pulling out a handfull of shit including a rolo, a Star Wars sticker, a penny, and a pill he found on the floor of the car that Joe was attempting to invest in. The salesman stares at the objects in his palm with a "are you serious?" look. 

"I undersrand, but unless it's legal or you're on the insurance plan-"

"I'll call my mom!" Joe finally says, uncovering his face. He knew she would probably be pissed and act like she "told him so" when in reality she didn't, but if he could get this car now, he could go visit his dad over winter break. Atleast there was a positive outcome.

An awkward phone call and a little bit of yelling on the other end later, (although surprisingly not as much as Joe expected) Martha is finally on board. 

"Chris, go pick her up." Pete says tossing his keys to him. 

"Man, why me?" Chris asks. 

"Just do it, fuckass!" Pete replies. The car salesman looks at him with a "could you please not say that?" look on his face. They haven't even began to sign papers yet and he already looks tired of the group's shit. He has to keep up his composture, however, because he's about to make a sale.

And after a ton of paperwork and a test-drive later, he finally does sell out that old thing that he considered an eye-sore in his lot.

But to Joe it's so, so much more than that- it's his. And he's going to take his boyfriend out on a date in it tomorrow. Or atleast he plans to.

\---

Once Patrick gets home from work, he face-plants into the couch. His head has only began to hurt worse even after eating and taking something for it. He begins to wonder if he caught something from one of his co-workers or customers or even someone from school. That's just his luck. 

"I'm glad I was called in." his mother says as she grabs the keys to her car, "I was beginning to wonder if they laid me off." she says this because she'd had the past 3 days off from work which luckily gave her the time to do a deep-cleaning of the house. Patrick was even greeted with the fabric softner smell on the couch cushion covers when he laid down. The scent wasn't as strong as it could've been, though, and his head would've hurt either way. 

The carpet didn't have a scent, but it was cleaner than it had been before and he could definitely tell. The most that either of them usually had time to do was a quick vaccum; but apparently sometime over the past few days, Patricia had actually scrubbed up the coffee stain that was usually infront of the couch. The coffee table seemed to shimmer and he had to squint as he looked towards it because the low evening sun caused a bright glare.

"You deserved the rest, mom." Patrick says as he rolls over on his side to face her. "I mean, not that you took it-"

"Oh, hush." she interrupts in a slight joking manner. "It took 2 days, but I decided the house was way past due for a freshning up. Okay, Patrick, I should be off at 2. I love you."

"I love you, too." he replies, closing his eyes.

Patricia starts out the door, but she turns around and walks over to the couch before gently placing a hand on her son's forehead. "You're not feeling well, are you?" she asks. Patrick shakes his head.

"I'm fine, I just need to take a nap, I'm fuckin' exhausted." "You're exhausted because you're sick, Patrick." she states, and she's right. "Do you want me to stay home?" she then asks in 

"No!" he replies, immediately, "I'm fine, I promise." he really doesn't know that or not, but he doesn't want her to worry about him and hopes that she'll leave it at that and go on. Which, luckily, she seems like she will.

"Call me if you need me, or even call your father, you know he'd do anything for you." Patrick nods

She then kisses him on the cheek and heads out the door.

Once the door shuts, Patrick rolls over on his other side and tries to stay as still as possible in hopes that he'll fall asleep. Stressing whatever this was wasn't going to help him by no means, so he might as well try to sleep it off. It doesn't take long for him to doze off once he's comfortable and he soon falls into a nice, deep sleep for a few hours. 

His phone starts ringing at 10. As he opens his eyes and gains consciousness he's immediately hit with the realisation that he was not fine. Even laying down, he could feel a wave of dizziness swirling through his head and the feeling of over all tiredness coming from deep inside of his body. As miserable as he feels, he still (very slowly) rolls over and tries to grab his phone off of the coffee table. It takes a couple of tries, but he eventually captures the phone in his shaky, sweaty hands and opens it up. He takes a deep breath before even trying to talk because he can already begin to feel a slight sense of nausea to make matters worse. 

"Hey," Joe says on the other end as he sits in the driver's seat of his very own car, still sitting in the parkinglot of his job. "I just got off and uhh.. I have a car now.. So, like...Do you mind if I come over?" he asks.

Patrick doesn't want Joe to see him like this. Fuck, he'd rather kill over dead from whatever freak virus he'd caught. 

But as he says "No, please don't." it comes out in a weak and groggy moan that immediately raises Joe's concern. 

"You okay?" he asks, hoping it was just because he'd woken him up. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. 

"No." Patrick replies, although he meant to lie and say that he was. Now he was going to have his boyfriend even more worried. Great.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Joe's definitely more concerned as the anxiety that something could be seriously wrong hits. The thought of his beloved Patrick being miserable or suffering in any way freaked him out and he just wanted to know what was up with that. He doesn't give Patrick a chance to reply, though and decides he's going to go over regaurdless, if he is home, which he figures he is. "You're home, right?"

Patrick doesn't even feel like fighting Joe, but even if he did, he figured he wouldn't win anyways. He felt bad for freaking him out so suddenly, but then again, he really wouldn't mind a nice hug from the boy right now.

"Yeah."

"Be right over." with that, Joe hangs up and throws his phone in the passenger seat. The call's dropped before Patrick can even say anything else, and while he does like the idea of Joe comforting him, he doesn't want him to overreact and call the fucking paramedics or something. He drops his phone on the floor and buries his face in the couch, feeling absolutely fucking miserable. Hopefully if he doesn't move around so much, the nausea won't have a chance to worsen. He fucking hates being sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> completely irrelevant to this story but can you guys believe pete wentz literally wrote a lyric about sucking dick


	24. Sincerely Yours

Joe is definitely not an angel by far, and realistically, Patrick knows that, but there has to be something quite angelic about the way he tucks Patrick's hair back behind his ears and kisses the top of his head after he just spent the past 20 minutes puking his guts up. Or that could be the reason why such a simple endeavor seems equivalent to Joe taking a bullet for him. Either way, it's kind of nice and makes him feel a little less like dying as he exhaustively falls into his arms. 

"Let me know when you're ready to get up." Joe says as he gently presses a cold-ish damp rag on Patrick's forehead. Patrick doesn't say anything, but he does take the rag into his own hand, freeing up both of Joe's to rub his back and slightly play around with his hair.

He was on his knees before Joe had even pulled into the driveway and it was a complete miracle that he'd even made it to the bathroom beforehand, but since the door was unlocked, it didn't take long for Joe to start taking care of Patrick the best way he knew how once he did get there. 

"Sorry." Patrick says after a few minutes of silence. He's already scared he'll get his boyfriend sick too with whatever freak virus he caught and as he re-gains his senses, he starts to feel bad for dragging Joe into this. Maybe he should've just not answered his phone.

"For what?"

Patrick slowly sits up on his own with a shrug. "Y'know. This." 

"Shh." Joe hushes him, "Not your fault." "I mean, no," Patrick replies, "but I could get you sick too and I-" "Let's not worry about it." Joe interrupts, "How long have you been like this?" 

Patrick sighs and thinks- technically, all the way back to early that evening when his headache started, though he wasn't feeling absolutely, downright miserable until he woke up around an hour ago. Still, he doesn't feel like going into detail. "Probably 4." he replies. Yeah, that seems plausible.

"Where's your mom? Does she know?" 

"Work." Patrick replies. "She gets off at 2 and she knew I was running a fever. That's it."

"Do you want me to call her?" Joe asks, running a hand through his own hair. He figures that her general presence would be further comforting to Patrick- not that he planned on ditching him, but he didn't feel like he'd be the best at taking care of him. 

Patrick shakes his head. "No. I wanna go to bed." he whines, exhausted and on the verge of tears. He doesn't take too well to being sick, especially when he hasn't felt this bad since he was probably a kid. Not to mention how guilty he feels for roping Joe into taking care of him. But that's what boyfriends are for, right?

Joe nods and pulls himself up off of the bathroom floor, extending his arm out. Patrick grabs his hand and stabilizes himself on Joe for a second to gain a better balancing. He's still kind of dizzy, but it's not nearly as bad as it were before he threw up. His body seems to be aching more, though.

"You gotta' stay hydrated." Joe states. "I'll go get you something to drink if you wanna go ahead and crawl into bed."

Patrick shrugs. "Okay, but remember I sleep in my underwear. Especially when it's this fuckin' warm." 

The mention of it being 'warm' to Patrick reminds Joe that he should probably check his temperature as well. He's still figuring out what to do as he goes, but he figures that he can at least get Patrick comfortable until his mom comes home. 

Once they're standing, Patrick lets go of Joe completely, which kind of startles Joe at first, but once he realizes Patrick's capable of stabilizing himself and walk towards his room, he feels a little better about it and turns to look for a thermometer. "Hey, 'Trick?" he asks, hoping to catch him before he leaves the doorway.

"Yeah?" he asks, leaning against the door frame, the damp rag still in hand. His hair's sticking to his sweaty, paler-than-usual face and he pretty much looks like a corpse, but Joe is still enchanted by the sight of his face and can't help but smile slightly. 

"Where do you keep the thermometer?" he then asks, snapping himself back into reality so he can get the process sped up a little to make sure he gets Patrick to at least take a sip of water before going to bed. 

"Umm.." Patrick rubs the bridge of his nose, trying to think for a second. Without notice, he moves forward and opens a drawer from the sink cabinet. Inside of the drawer is a bunch of common household medicines, some bandages and a semi-transparent blue case that holds an ear thermometer. "Stick that thing anywhere that isn't my ear and we're gonna' have a problem."

"Thanks, and don't worry." Joe laughs, taking it out. "Hey, are you still nauseous?" he then asks before closing the drawer to decide if he should pull out the pepto bismol that was very likely already expired or something.

"No. I just feel I got ran over." Patrick replies, figuring he doesn't really have to go into detail since Joe more than likely knows exactly what he means. And luckily, he nods in understanding as Patrick turns and heads to his room. 

Joe opens the case to make sure all of the pieces to the thermometer are in there before heading out to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. By time he's got shit together, Patrick's already pulled his pants off and crawled under the covers (even though he said it was warm earlier) laying on his back with the half-dried rag on his forehead. Joe kind of feels bad that he has to ask him to sit up, but it's definitely for the best and should be over pretty soon. He turns on the light before walking in, because he knows just how disastrous Patrick's bedroom can be, but then again his definitely isn't spotless either. 

"Hey, babe." he says as he walks over to Patrick's nightstand and sits the water and thermometer down.

"Hey." Patrick replies, opening his eyes and sighing before sitting up, "Just get it over with." as he sets the rag on his nightstand, he notices the bottle of water he realizes just how dry his throat feels. He then tries to open it, but his hands are far too sweaty, shaky and weak to actually get him anywhere. Feeling defeated and embarrassed, he looks up at Joe, who's focused on getting the cover on the thermometer. "...Could you?" Joe immediately turns his attention to Patrick and quickly realizes what he's asking for. 

"Of course." he replies, taking the bottle out of his hands and twisting open the cap. As he does, Patrick could swear he falls a little more in love with him. 

"I love you." he says as Joe hands him the opened water bottle back. "You too." Joe smiles, turning his attention back to the thermometer. 

Once Patrick's finished drinking, Joe turns the thermometer on and moves a strand of hair away from the ear he's going to be testing first. Patrick cringes as he feels the cold tip cover go into his ear and the loud beeping the thermometer makes once it detects his temperature reminds him of being inside of an MRI.

"101.2" Joe says, pulling it out. "Not good, but it could be worse. Let's see the other ear." Patrick sighs once he says that and tilts his head slightly to make it a little easier. Joe pushes the hair away from that ear and sticks the thermometer in. Once again, Patrick cringes. 

"Same thing." Joe says as he pulls it out before turning it off and setting it back in the case. "You can go to bed now, but I'll probably check again in an hour, okay?" 

Patrick really doesn't want to wake back up in an hour, but Joe telling him that he'll check it again is amazingly reassuring that he isn't ditching him anytime soon. Yeah, he loves him more than just words.

"Okay." he nods. "Thank you, I love you." If he felt like saying more than simple sentences here and there, Patrick would probably go on a long rave about how much it meant to him that Joe was going to stick around and take care of him, or at least keep an eye on him. It meant a lot to him and he would get him back for it when he felt better. But right now, his main focus was the comfort of his pillow.

"I love you too." Joe says as he kisses Patrick's cheek. He then heads over to turn the light out and pulls his phone's display out to make his way back over to his boyfriend's bed so he can very carefully and strategically crawl in next to him. Once he does, he closes his phone and lays still, yet awake. He isn't going anywhere and he hopes that he's made that clear by now. Patrick is his main focus right now and he could honestly care less about if his mom wanted him home right now or not. Not that she probably did, though.


	25. I Don't Wanna Let You Down

Patrick may be spending the entirety of his Sunday sleeping under the watchful eye of his concerned mother, but that doesn't stop Joe from checking up every hour on the hour via phone even after Patricia begged him to go home and get some sleep or something around 8 that morning. He's too on edge to sleep, anyways, even if he knows that Patrick's fever has reduced and he seems to be able to atleast keep a few spoonfuls of soup down. 

"He woke up again and the first thing he asked was when you were coming back." Patricia says during Joe's call at 3:30 PM. He knows that her son's relationship with him has been nothing short of fluctuating and rocky, but she can definitely see that Joe cares a lot about Patrick and vice versa, so she isn't going to withold that bit of information from him. He was the one who took care of him prior to her clocking out that morning, so she figured it'd only be fair to keep him updated every time he called.

"Okay," Joe replies. The emotion he conveys over the phone is a mix of happiness that Patrick wanted him there and worry that Patrick would think he just completely ditched him since he was kind of out of it when he was convinced to leave. "I've gotta' be at work at 7 'cause my manager doesn't understand I have school," he replies, "so is it okay if I drop in for a few minutes beforehand?" he wasn't going to just show up without her complete permission; last night was an exception that she didn't seem to mind, but he wasn't going to push it now that Patrick seemed to be doing somewhat better.

"Sounds fine to me." Patricia replies on the other end.

"Thank you." he hangs up and turns his attention briefly back to the homework he was trying to work on, but it's caught again once his mother sits down across from him at the table.

"Hey, mom." Joe says softly before he makes another attempt at reading the passage in his textbook.

"You care about him a lot, don't you?" Martha asks in the most motherly tone he's heard from her in months. He's kind of caught off-gaurd by it and wonders what she's actually here for. Could she really just be trying to bond with him? Of course not!

"Yeah." he replies. "I do.. I mean, I never thought I'd be so in love with another boy, but here I am." What was the worst that could happen if he opened up to her about his feelings in full-extent? She knows at this point he's into him and she hasn't said too much about it quite yet. Which is also why it's kind of scary for Joe.

"Whatever makes you happy." she replies as she flicks cigarette ashes into an ashtray. Joe isn't sure if that's good or bad. Hopefully the former.

"Patrick does." 

She smiles and nods. "I understand that. He may make you happy now-" of course. She was going to try to get him to change his mind or something wasn't she? Typical. She never acted like this when he was with Chelsea, so he knows it's just an act of her lowkey hatred towards the fact that her son was dating another boy. "but just remember that not every relationship lasts forever, especially when you're at this age."

Joe blinks. She could be right- they could go their separate ways eventually due to whatever reason, but that doesn't change the fact that he loves and cares about Patrick right now and he definitely isn't going to think about where they stand too hard in a time like this. Patrick needs him to stick around right now and he begins to contemplate if he should leave early and spend that extra time with him.

"I understand," Joe replies, not wanting to start an argument with her, but also wanting to state where he stands in the situation, "but I really love him and I don't think that's going to change soon." 

"I wasn't trying to say that you don't know, but just remember that a lot can change within such little time." with that, Martha gets up and leaves.

Joe's left trying to figure out what that last part was about. Of course a lot can change within short periods of time. He's seen it happen many times, especially pertaining to his relationship with Patrick, but he wasn't going to let her in on the details of that rollercoaster because it could further prove some kind of secret point she was trying to make and he wasn't going to let her know that she was right- not that she was, though, because Joe and Patrick were very much in love and that wasn't going to change. Right? Right. The mere thought of ever letting Patrick down again scared Joe to fucking death, and as for vice versa? Patrick could probably bust his head open with a rock and he'd still come crawling back to him. Not that he would, though.

\----------------

Patrick's face twitches when he feels something on his cheek. His fever may be going down, but his skin is still pretty sensitive and he doesn't enjoy..whatever it is on his face. Without opening his eyes, he brings a hand up to pull it off- only to realize it's someone else's hand, and it's definitely not his mother's. His brain instinctively wanders off to suspect that it's Joe- which he's proven right once he opens his eyes.

"Your fever's gone down a lot." Joe says with a slight smile as he takes his hand completely away from Patrick's face, realizing it probably doesn't feel too great. It's 5:30, which gives them an hour together tops. Joe didn't want to exhaust Patrick too much.

"Yeah." Patrick replies, sitting up. He's still paler than usual, but he doesn't look as miserable as he did last night.

"Your mom said you wanted to know when I was coming back. I have to be at work at 7 and-"

"Perfect." Patrick interrupts, pulling Joe closer, not really thinking about how damaging this could be for his boyfriend's health. 

He realizes it once their lips are pressed together, but by then he figures he'll just have to take care of him, which also brings him to wonder what he's like when he's sick. Is he clingy? Moody? Does he even like to let people know he's sick? There's still surprisingly a lot that Patrick doesn't really know about Joe.

"I missed you."

"I'm sorry I left you, your mom begged me to get rest, but I honestly couldn't so-"

"Shh." Patrick shushes, moving a stray strand of hair out of Joe's face. "It's fine, I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

\----

An hour passes and Patrick's already fallen back asleep. They tried to make small talk, but despite sleeping all day, Patrick was still exhausted and couldn't stay awake any longer. Joe understood, though. His body definitely needed as much rest as it could get while he was trying to recover from whatever he had caught. He passes out with another "I love you" after a worrisome ramble about how he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and how he'll "make it up to him", just what he has to make up to him is a mystery to Joe because while Patrick's hair may be greasy, sweaty and could possibly have vomit in it, it's still equivalent to an actual angel's in Joe's eyes as he watches him shift around slightly to get comfortable while drifting off.

If it weren't for the fact that he wanted to keep a job, he'd stay a little longer. Just a little longer... Just long enough to watch his angel wake up again to see those baby blues atleast, maybe long enough to watch him go back to sleep.

But it's 6:30 and he has to clock in at 7. Doesn't life just work out the most frustrating ways?


	26. Addicted To This

Going to school while still feeling pretty lousy has got to be one of the worst decisions Patrick has ever made, which has got to be saying a lot since he isn't the best at steering clear of bad ideas. He made it through Monday without puking everywhere, but he was still slightly out of balance and didn't trust himself behind the wheel. Luckily enough, Joe was more than willing to give him a ride to school, and then back home and he even decided to stay with him at least until his mother got home in case he needed someone to balance on. These were all just gestures that reassures Patrick that he loves him.

But due to the amount of times Patrick has almost fell asleep in class, had to take an ibuprofen, or rubbed his temples today, Joe regrets even entertaining the thought of taking Patrick to school. He definitely thinks he should've just left him at home, but then again Patrick could be stubborn as hell, so he probably wouldn't have listened if he tried to refuse anyway.

At least he was safe and comfortable at home now and one of his co-workers took his shift up for him so he could just spend the night resting, which was obviously needed.

And they're enjoying this moment now as they lay side-by-side on Patrick's bed, fingers intertwined and staring at the ceiling. Even if Joe planned on leaving once Patrick's mom came home, it's still nice to take some time and just live in the moment, which was exactly what he was doing. Patrick on the other hand was probably half-asleep. He doesn't mind, though. It isn't going to stop him from crooning a soft "I love you." which is immediately replied to by Patrick. He doesn't know if he's shocked or not, but he feels happy, safe, and warm inside when he hears an equally soft "I love you too." from the other end.

"I know." Joe sighs somewhat dreamily. Patrick can feel his cheeks get slightly warmer, but it's not from a fever this time, thank God.

"You better," he smiles, turning over on his side to face Joe, who doesn't even try to hide the smile that forms on his face as he turns to look straight at Patrick as well. "and never forget it." 

"Only if you won't forget that I love you too." Joe replies, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through Patrick's hair that was quite honestly, a mess since he didn't have time to comb it after showering before school. 

"Deal." Patrick says as he moves closer, pressing his lips up against Joe's. It's rather strange how he spent all day still feeling like he was hit by a truck, but as he's pulled into his boyfriend's embrace he feels the energy of a thousand suns light up inside of him, starting a fire in his eyes as he absorbs every second of the pure, unadulterated love and passion he feels for Joe. It's soft, comforting and one of the best things he's ever experienced in his life. Your teenage years can't last forever, but it's moments like this that give Patrick hope that maybe, just maybe, their love truly will last forever like Joe has promised him time and time again. There was hardly any doubt anymore. It had to last, they had to hold on, or at least die trying.

Neither say a word when they pull away from their kiss. They only communicate in soft, gentle movements like the way Joe buries his face in Patrick's chest, (mostly to hide the fact that his face is the color of a red rose) or the way Patrick plays with the soft, messy curls in Joe's hair. It's pure ecstasy, possibly a deeper buzz than any drug could give either of them. And just when Patrick thinks he's coming back down to reality, Joe pulls his head back out in a sudden flash and strikes Patrick like a deer in the headlights with his shimmering blue eyes before asserting another kiss on the boy, causing Patrick to allow the hand that was in Joe's hair to loosely fall across his back, reassuring Joe that another kiss was what Patrick wanted in that moment.

"Don't give up on us ever again." is all that Joe can say as he returns to his previous position. Patrick doesn't allow that, though, and instead pulls Joe's chin back up so he's facing him.

"Don't plan on it." he states. Joe nods before Patrick lets his head drop again. He instead returns to laying on his back rather than burying his face in Patrick's chest this time. He only did so to look up at him, though.

"We're different." Joe states, "There's something special about us, and I don't know what it is. But I think we're going to be okay for a long time." 

"Yeah." Patrick says in agreement. Hearing Joe say that really assured him that they had the potential to last, and by God, he was going to take advantage of that potential. Make it or die trying. He was absolutely not going to let himself end up like the countless couples he'd seen in his life fall apart due to seemingly minor mishaps. He and Joe always found their way back to each other, so that has to count for something, right? Right.

"And y'know what?" Patrick says, "Falling in love with you fucking terrified me at first." Joe feels like he just somehow unlocked something he shouldn't have known because when they were younger, Patrick seemed so entirely sure of his feelings. But that must have been just a front, because now that they're older, they both realize that they were honestly just too young to completely digest what they were feeling then, no matter how in control of things Patrick could act like he was.

"I didn't know why I felt the way I did for you," Patrick continues, "I always kind of knew I wanted to be with another guy. It seemed wrong, but I wanted that... But I really didn't actually know just how seriously I wanted that until I met you. It was scary, I thought I was going to die.." Joe stares at the ceiling, but his attention is completely on what Patrick's saying. 

"....But at the same time it felt so right..." Patrick's voice changes from his serious, straight-forward tone to the one he uses when he's sweet-talking Joe. He feels a much lighter aura as Patrick continues. "I wanted to do nothing more than to kiss you.. I still want to do nothing more than to kiss you now, Joe." Patrick can feel a knot forming in his throat. But it isn't really bad, he just feels a lot of emotion right now. "I love you, I adore you, I want to be with you forever." his voice changes again to a desperate, lovesick whine. "Please let me be with you forever. Please don't ever leave me alone again, I need you and I'm not afraid to admit that anymore." the room goes silent. Patrick begins to fear if he said the wrong thing. Fuck. He let his feelings get the best of him, didn't he?

"If that's how it has to be." Joe replies. Those words are strangely reassuring to Patrick that what he just went on about wasn't entirely in vain. "And for what it's worth?" Joe turns his head slightly to look back up at Patrick. "I need you too."


	27. 27

Patrick leans against the locker next to Joe's after school as he watches his boyfriend frantically search around in his own locker. It's nearing mid-November and still not a thing has been heard about the investigation of Chelsea and Rodney's murder. But then again, it's kind of hard to get any stable evidence when it apparently happened during the early AM before the sun even started to peek. 

"Where the fuck are they?" Joe whines, audibly tossing things at the walls of his locker. Patrick honestly didn't know he had so much in there, and he seems rather freaked out about not being able to find something. What it is, though, he isn't quite sure.

"What's wrong, babe?" Patrick asks, peeking over Joe's shoulder.

"I had, like, a quarter bag of fuckin' doritos left!" he replies. 

Patrick tries not to laugh about the fact that he was having such a fit about maybe five or six cheese-dusted tortilla chips, but a scoff ends up escaping his throat. Patrick didn't take them, but he figures that his expression may give off that idea. Apparently it doesn't, though, because Joe doesn't turn around to ask. But he does huff in frustration and slam his locker shut, startling Patrick and causing him to stand straight up.

"I knew they were there, I left them right here after lunch and I know I haven't touched them since!" he covers his face briefly before leaning against his now closed locker, hyperventilating and seeming pretty on edge about it. 

Patrick doesn't understand why it's such a big deal. Can't he just get a bag from the vending machine? 

"Dude, are you seriously having a panic attack over a few doritos?" Patrick asks in a tone that suggests he's mocking his boyfriend. "Like, do you need vending machine cash?" 

Joe sighs and rolls his eyes in a 'you don't understand' kind of way. "It's not the chips I'm upset about," he explains, "it's the fact that I know I left something somewhere but now it's....not there, y'know? It's weird, they should be there and I know they should 'cause I left them there. I don't think anyone knows my locker combination, but if that's the case, why would they break into my locker for just a few chips? Was nothing else more interesting? Like, I dunno, a fully-working pair of earbuds or, like, my fucking wallet?"

"Maybe you just took them out sometime during the day and just forgot." Patrick states. Joe turns to stare at him. 

"When would I have time to, Patrick? I've been fucking booked between tests and shit all day."

"I dunno', just a thought." Patrick says as he realizes he should keep his mouth shut.

"I'm going home." Joe says before giving Patrick a quick kiss. "I love you." his tone softens and as he says that.

"I love you too." Patrick replies, taking the kiss and the tone that Joe used to say that he loves him as a reassurance that he isn't mad at him. But why would he be? It wasn't his fault at all. 

Patrick was, however, kind of concerned about the way Joe freaked out over something so minor. Was he okay? Was something bigger and more serious going on in his life to drive him to cause such a scene? He definitely has to still feel guilt about how things ended with Chelsea. It's just inevitable. But it's also not getting in the way of their relationship at all like Patrick feared it would, so maybe it isn't as much of a problem as he thought.

And even though his mind was still fuzzy that day, hearing Joe say that he needed him a few weeks ago was extremely comforting.

Patrick almost asks Joe about his recent outburst since he does feel like it's part of being his boyfriend to make sure he's doing okay, but he then decides to just let him go on and leave it be. He'll call him later or something to check in and maybe get a clearer answer about what that was about or what was going on. But then again, maybe it was just nothing. Maybe he was just pissed off because he couldn't find his chips. There was honestly no telling.

\------

But Patrick's forgotten all about it the next day, and Joe probably has too. Nothing else really matters as they walk into the record store together, hand-in-hand. It's Saturday and they consider their current venture a date as they head over to the 'rock' section to spend the next hour debating over which CDs they can get since they're both rather poor teenagers who need to hold money back for car payments and gas to put in them.

But Patrick's heart is set on making a purchase, whether it be because he's bored of listening to the albums he already has, or just an impulse buy. Realistically, he can probably only afford one CD, but he subconsciously knows that if he ends up torn between two, Joe is likely going to buy him the second one. That's just how it works. Besides, Joe loves spending money on Patrick, even if it does leave him a little short on cash. Atleast he's made his boyfriend happy and that's all that really matters.

"Take your time, we've got the whole day." Joe says as he watches Patrick flip through CDs, putting the misplaced ones back in their designated areas. He looks at a few every now and then, but his focus really is mainly on Patrick. The way he's so focused and observant on the way he digs through artist after artist is rather enchanting and Joe absolutely adores it. Well, then again, he just absolutely adores Patrick in general. 

Other people come and go into and out of the record store since it's the most popular or most stocked on this side of town. Joe doesn't pay attention to any of them and obviously neither does Patrick since he's now racking his brain over if he should get Oasis' 'Definitely Maybe' or Hall & Oates' 'Abandoned Luncheonette'. Joe's already going to get one of them for him, but he wants to watch him think about it a little more in case he finds another album he prefers over one of those two. 

But Patrick already knows that he's likely going to get both them anyway. He's just shaking his leg and making "hmm" noises and saying "Oh man." every now and then to see how long it'll take to get Joe to give in. He kind of feels bad for it for a split second, but then he remembers that it's definitely not one-sided and he buys his boyfriend stuff pretty often as well. That eases any guilt about the situation as subtly looks over at Joe, who's pretending to dig through the CDs. 

After another few seconds, Joe sighs, his own selection of Beastie Boys' 'Check Your Head' in hand. Just as he's about to tell Patrick to go ahead and get both, he can hear his name being called by a female's voice somewhere in the shop. He looks at Patrick, who's looking around for the voice, which assures him that he isn't the only one who heard it. He turns around to find a familiar dark brunette come over to him.

"Remember me?" she asks with a grin. Patrick definitely does if Joe doesn't (which he does.). He recognises her as the girl who drove Joe to school one morning while they were split up. And as secure as he is in the relationship, he can't help but feel slight jealousy considering that he doesn't know if they had anything together or not. They never really talked about her.

"Yeah," Joe replies, looking over at her with a friendly smile, "how's it going, Jennifer?"

"Pretty good!" she replies, beaming with the same positive attitute she showed him the day she gave him a ride to school, "You?"

"I'm fine." he replies, "Just browsing around with my boyfriend, Patrick." the way he lets 'boyfriend' slide off his tongue so smoothly would've shocked the hell out of his former self, but he's became a lot more comfortable with using that term lately.

"Oh, you have a boyfriend now?" Jennifer asks, trying not to act like she's kind of shocked.

"Yeah," Patrick says in a way that isn't quite defensive yet, "I'm Joe's boyfriend." 

Jennifer nods. "Well, I'm happy for the two of you, but..." she trails off, kind of leaving both Joe and Patrick in a fight or flight position. "is that why you haven't kept in touch?"

Joe laughs nervously, realizing that he never did actually call her after asking her if she'd go to homecoming with him. That was a while ago, and it wasn't his intention to completely drop her like that. "Uh, y'know." he shrugs, "I've just had a lot of shit going on, y'know.."

"Understandable." Jennifer replies, laughing, "I was just messin' with you. You're cute when you squirm like that."

Patrick raises an eyebrow, trying not to let jealousy set in. "Isn't he, though?" he asks, placing a hand underneath Joe's chin and grabbing his cheeks. "Just the cutest."

Jennifer's still laughing. "Well, I've gotta' go now, I was just checking to see if my favorite band's next album had dropped yet. So.. Catch you later, huh?"

"Sure." Joe replies, "Call me any time if you want." Jennifer nods. "Will do. Can I get a hug?" 

Patrick shrugs and lets go of Joe's cheeks so Jennifer can hug him. It is just a hug afterall. No big deal. She leans in and they're only about a millisecond into the hug when he can feel something pulling at his hair. 

"Ow?" he whispers. 

"Sorry." Jennifer says, "My bracelet got hung up in your hair." she turns the charm bracelet on her right wrist. She then shakes Patrick's hand. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." Patrick smiles as she leaves. They wave and Joe then turns back to Patrick.

"She, uh, gave me a ride to school once."

"Oh, I know." Patrick shrugs, turning back to the CDs.

"I'll buy you one of those, babe, come on." 

Patrick's face lights up as Joe finally says that. He thought he'd never offer.

"Well," he smiles, "if you say so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even that fond of any of the Folie à Deux songs, but I would be fake if I didn't make this reference in the chapter title so !!
> 
> EDIT: I had to do a quick edit because I noticed unneccesary repitition in some of the sentences. I'm sorry!


	28. Let's See How Deep This Gets

"Wish I didn't have to leave." Joe sighs as he lays next to Patrick, his arms wrapped around the shorter boy's torso with his face in his hair. For the past hour, they've laid in absolute silence, just enjoying each other's company. 

Patrick lets out a dissatisfied sigh once he's reminded that Joe does in fact have to go home and start getting ready for school in the morning since it's now Sunday, and they've practically spent the whole weekend together. It was rather nice. "Me too." he reluctantly replies, not wanting to face the facts as he diverts his eyes to the label of the vodka bottle in his hands. Between the two of them, it's nearly half-emptied. He feels safe in Joe's tight embrace and he doesn't think it's fair that this moment can't last forever. "10 more minutes?" he quietly asks, so desperate to bargain with time, desperate to keep the moment going just a tad longer. Sure, he knows that once those 10 minutes are up, he'll want 10 more, but maybe by then he'll be able to handle it. Likely not, though.

"Mmhmmm." Joe tightens his embrace and nuzzles his face deeper into Patrick's hair. "10 more n' then I gotta go, I swear." 

Patrick sighs again, this time it's a mix between satisfaction and pre-departure depression. "It's 4:23." he says as he looks at his watch. He feels Joe nodding slightly.

"Alright. I'll go at 4:33."

Patrick holds the vodka bottle in his hands, rubbing his fingers up and down the printed text as he feels Joe's grip begin to loosen, his arm moving towards Patrick's hip and then hanging there loosely. "You're not falling asleep, are you?" he asks, then wishing he would've kept his mouth shut. If that were the case, then Joe would've stayed longer than 10 minutes and that was quite honestly the goal, even if it did seem selfish. He didn't care. Joe was his and he had a right to want to him there all the time.

"Mm.... No." Joe moves his head up and gives Patrick a kiss on the cheek to reassure him that he's still here. Patrick feels another wave of serenity rush over his body. He's been feeling that a lot lately when it came to Joe, but it definitely wasn't a bad thing.

"I wanted to watch the world burn." Patrick states, setting the bottle of vodka on his nightstand.

"Hmm?" Joe hums, not entirely sure what Patrick's talking about, but willing to hear more about it.

"I have a lot of pent up anger. It gets the best of me sometimes, y'know? It used to really get to me a lot."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah... My mom's had a lot to deal with over the years, and, my temper wasn't helping much. I used to get into fights in middle school... I think I told you that, though.."

"You did, yeah." Joe replies, bringing the arm that was draped over Patrick's hip up so he can play with his hair.

"Yeah. I was pretty pissed off at... I dunno'... Myself, I guess.. Because I'm different. I've always been different, and I didn't like that.. So I took it out on other kids who were... Actually normal.. I took it out on myself, too." he takes Joe's hand out of his hair and then sits up. "But... Then I had to stop.."

Joe follows suit and sits up as well, only to rest his head on Patrick's shoulder, still listening to what his boyfriend's talking about.

"Cause if I didn't stop...." Patrick trails off and starts playing with his thumbs. He knows that he's told Joe this story before, but he wasn't sure if he remembered and it was somewhat important to the point he was trying to get to. "I was gonna' end up killing myself.. At least, I wanted to. But I knew that if I didn't succeed, they would put me in the psych unit.. And question me, poke at me, monitor me, treat me like I'm some kind of fucking... I dunno, alien.. 'Cause maybe that's what I am, y'know?"

"Patrick, you're not an alien.. I mean, I don't think so.. But if you are, that's cool as fuck, man, I mean...."

Patrick laughs slightly at his Joe's input. "I'm not. I'm not an alien.. But I felt like one, I felt out of touch with everything and everyone, even my poor mother who desperately tried to figure me out to a level where she could at least understand what to say to me, what to... What to do with me, you know?"

"No one needs to do anything with you, they just gotta' let you be yourself." Joe pulls his head off of Patrick's shoulder and scoots forward to turn around and face him.

"That... That right there.." Patrick looks up at Joe. "That's the point I'm trying to get to. You don't question shit or try to pick me apart, you just let me... Be myself, I guess.. And opening up to you just comes naturally. You're you, and I'm me, and it just... It works.. It's natural, it's.... It's helped me calm down a lot.." he smiles and tosses his arms around his boyfriend's neck. "That's why I love you, Joe, that's why I need you." Patrick leans forward and presses his lips against Joe's, but pulls away too soon for him to react to it. "4:33."

"Oh.." Joe blinks as if he's coming back down to earth. What Patrick had just said and done to him really put him on cloud fucking nine, but he said 10 more minutes 10 minutes ago and the time was up. "Right.." he leans in, asserting another kiss on the boy before getting up. "I'm, uhh, I'm off now." he takes the bottle of vodka off of the nightstand and takes a long swig. Patrick makes a face at him as he does. 

"You know, you really shouldn't be getting drunk before driving 'cause you could get in an accident." he says once Joe sets the bottle back down.

"It's fine, I've driven intoxicated before." Joe shrugs, screwing the cap back on. Patrick sighs. 

"I love you." he says, "And I mean that. I want you to stay alive long enough for us to watch our first grandchild being born."

Joe laughs. "I love you too, and, relax, I plan on staying around a long ass time." with that, he heads out the door of Patrick's room and to the front door. 

Patrick was obviously joking when he said that, but now that he has said it, he begins to wonder if they would make good parents or not, much less grandparents. It's definitely something to think about, even if they never even end up living together. But if so, would one of them be the biological father of their child(ren)? Only time could tell, of course.

\-----------

Once Joe pulls into his driveway, he texts Patrick to re-assure him that he was fine driving in the condition he was since he knew Patrick was one to worry about things like that. It felt nice having someone concerned about him, though, even if he didn't like the fact that he probably shouldn't be drinking all the time.

He heads inside to a rather quiet enviornment. His stepfather is nowhere to be found, but his mother's sitting in the livingroom, watching some cheesy romance movie. It feels rather safe for once and he isn't sure if he should be alarmed or not.

"One of your friends stopped by while you were out." she says once she hears him close the door behind him. He figures she's talking about Pete or maybe even Andy, but if it were either of them they'd probably be blowing up his phone or if she'd told them where he was at, probably at Patrick's.

"Which one?" he asks.

"She said her name was Jennifer." Martha states, thumping ashes off of her cigarette into the ashtray on the sidetable next to the couch.

Jennifer? He didn't remember telling her where he lived, but then again he does forget a lot of things. But what could she have wanted? He just saw her yesterday at the record store, so why didn't she tell him or ask him or whatever then?

"Oh?" he raises an eyebrow, "What did she want?"

Martha shrugs. "I'm not sure. She just acting rather strange about it, but then again that could just be the way she is. I don't know her, so I really couldn't tell you..." she turns around and looks up at her son with a look of suspicion on her face. Joe isn't quite sure how to react. "Was she here trying to sell you drugs by any chance? Because if you're going to be doing drug dealing in my house, then I suggest you go live with one of those boys you hang out with, Joseph."

"I hardly even know the chick, she gave me a ride to school once and I asked her to prom. That's like, it... I'm not tryna' deal drugs in your house, mom, I swear." Sure, he argues with his mother all the time but it never came to the point of her threatening to kick him out. How did it get to that point? And why did Jennifer even come over? She was beginning to seem like trouble and he really didn't think he could handle that. He already had enough to deal with.

Martha doesn't reply. She simply turns her attention back to whatever it was that she was watching. Joe huffs in frustration because sometimes trying to talk to her was like trying to talk to a brick wall. It wasn't happening. He heads to his room to sulk (and think about the information he just found out) before he pisses her off any further.


	29. Unsweetened Disaster

Mid-November has never felt this cold to Patrick as he sits on his back porch, holding his phone in his shaking hands. He's tried to get his boyfriend on the other line not once, not twice, not even three, but four times within the past hour alone, not counting the many other times he's tried to dial him today. It's not like Joe to not answer a call and Patrick can't shake the feeling that something's wrong, especially since he didn't see any sign of him at school today. There's got to be something wrong and Patrick can't stand it. He absolutely hates the fact that the worst is on his mind.

He's likely not at work- he told Patrick he had today off. And even so, he would've texted Patrick. He always does when he gets called in unexpectedly. Hell, work aside, he should've at least texted him once today.

His mind's racing and he's seriously considering taking himself over to where his boyfriend lives just to make sure he's alive. There are a few more resorts he can turn to before that, however.

He opens the lid of his phone once again and dials up Pete's number. 4 rings. An answer. Thank God.

"What's up, 'Trick?" Pete asks on the other end. A woman's laughter can be heard in the background, which gives Patrick the hint that maybe this wasn't the best time. He considers dropping the call, but that would be pointless now, so he shoots his question.

"Ha-Have you heard from Joe today?" he asks, tapping his fingers on the banister of the back porch. "He.. Uhh.. wasn't at school and I can't contact him and, uhh... I'm worried, y'know?

"Not today." Pete replies with a slightly concerned tone himself, "Kinda' unusual for him to drop you, though." 

"What's going on?" Patrick can hear on the other end. He assumes it's the same lady that was laughing. 

Pete covers the microphone hole of his phone and says something along the lines of "Patrick can't get Joe on the phone.". It's quiet, but Patrick can still hear most of what he said. 

"He can't?" she asks, her voice a little higher this time. Patrick feels like he's heard that voice before, but exactly where he can't truly pinpoint. His mind's on another track right now, though. Obviously. 

"No, that's what he said." Pete replies as he uncovers the hole to continue his conversation with Patrick. "I'll let you know if I do hear anything though, have you been over to his house?" 

Patrick shakes his head as if Pete can see him. "No, no I haven't. I'm gonna go over there soon, though, I just wanted to know if you knew anything.. I can't stop worrying about it, what if something's wrong? Am I a bad boyfriend for not knowing sooner?"

"Hey, Patrick." Pete says, trying to slow his train of thought to propose an idea to him.

"I should've been harder on the case when I didn't see him at school, he's never not there," Patrick continues, beginning to ramble about his fears. 

"Patrick."

"-even when he's hungover he's always-"

"Patrick!" Pete raises his voice, this time getting his attention.

"What? What is it!?" Patrick asks with the slight hope that Pete may have found out something within the few seconds he spent talking. That was highly unrealistic, though.

"Do you have Andy's number? He sometimes goes over there when he's fighting with his mom 'til shit blows over."

"I do!" Patrick says in an enthusiastic tone, "I'll call him, thanks, Pete, thank you so much. I don't know why I didn't think of that, fuck!"

"Don't worry. Your head's all over the place, I get it." with that, Pete hears Patrick hang up. He then turns over to his company.

"Sorry, Jennifer." 

"It's fine." she replies, "I ran into those two at the record store a couple of weeks ago. Patrick was rather love-stricken towards Joe. I don't blame him though, and not that you're any less attractive, but he's a major cutie." Pete just laughs out loud at that.

"Trohman reminds me of a girl I used to fuck, but I love the kid. I used to bully the hell out of him, though."

"Pete!" Jennifer raises her voice slightly.

"What?" Pete laughs, "He was an easy target. Now he fights back, so.."

"You're kind of an asshole, you know."

Pete shrugs. He can't argue. 

\----

"Pick up the phone, pick up the phone..." Patrick mutters over and over as he tries to get a hold of Andy's cell. It takes 7 rings, but he gets there.

"Hey, Patrick." Andy replies. Patrick would normally be comforted by Andy's soft voice that typically serves as a voice of reason whenever things get a little wild during Pete's house parties, but he's far too on edge right now to process it.

"Hey... Do you happen to know if Joe's okay or anything?" he asks, immediately.

Andy blinks and sighs. "Can't say that I've heard from him today, man, I'm sorry." Patrick feels his heart drop once again. Fuck. 

"Thanks, I..." Patrick sighs. "I'm going to his house, I can't take it.. I'm so fucking worried, what if he's dead, what if-" 

"Hey... Hey, calm down, I doubt that's the case at all. Maybe he just needed time to himself, or, I dunno, he could be visiting his dad for all I know."

"His dad lives in south Florida, don't you think he would've at least had the decency to call me, his boyfriend, or like, you or Pete, his best friends if he were going on a fucking 20-hour road-" Patrick starts rambling once again, but stops himself once he realizes he's starting to snap at Andy. He really needs to get his composure back together. "...Sorry, I.."

"I get it, you're worked up, I mean... Shit, that's kinda' scary.." Andy goes silent a minute. "Hey, I'll try ringing him, maybe it's just something's up with your phone and not letting you go through to his. It's gonna' be okay."

"Thank you." Patrick says, getting to the point of tears. 

"Any time. Take a breath, okay? We'll find out what's up. I'm gonna' dial him now, okay?"

"Okay." Andy hangs up and Patrick closes his phone. If Andy doesn't get an answer, he knows he's going to drive over there, no question.

\------

There's a cigarette stuck to Joe's face when he wakes up on his bedroom floor. It's unlit and appears to be fresh out of the pack, but stuck to the side of his face solely because of either dried-up drool or probably even his own vomit from when he got up for a maximum of maybe 10 minutes sometime around 11 in the morning just to puke his guts up. As well as a feeling of disgust mingled together with disappointment, there's an unbelievably sharp pain in the back of his head that would probably bring him to tears if it were any stronger.

Shit, he wants to cry now as he pulls himself into a sitting position, but he really doesn't see the point and pulls the cigarette off of his face.

In the spot a few inches below where his feet were before he sat up, a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels lays. There's nothing more he could possibly lose today, so he leans over and picks it up before twisting the cap off and downing half of that. It burns his throat, but wakes his senses up just enough to realize where the fuck he's at.

It's 5:04 PM. He quite literally slept the day away on the floor and he isn't entirely sure how to feel about that revelation. 

His phone's under his TV stand. The only reason he realizes that it's there is because it starts ringing. He reaches under the stand and picks it up, tempted to throw it at the wall. Common sense seems to return to his brain, though, and he instead answers it.

"Hello?" he asks, his voice hardly coherent.

"Dude, where the fuck have you been? Patrick's about to kill himself over the fact that he can't get a hold of you, what's going on?" Andy's on the other end and he definitely isn't happy with Joe. He doesn't blame him, though. 

What was he supposed to answer with, though? Was he really going to admit that he didn't hear his boyfriend's phone calls because he was blacked out all day, face-down in what was probably his own vomit? Hell no! That's fucked up and Andy would likely have him established into rehab by tomorrow morning. He feels terrible, though- absolutely awful for worrying Patrick like that. If he was going to dump him after this, he honestly wouldn't blame him and in fact feels like he deserves it.

"Fuckin'... Uh... slept all day, 'M sick as hell." That's not a lie at all, it's rather close to the whole truth. It's just not the extent of the truth. It's easier to just say that, though.

Andy sighs and presses the bridge of his nose, which brings his glasses up. "At least you're alive, fuck.. I didn't know that you were such a deep sleeper though, man, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be.." Joe shakes his head. "I should be the one sorry for not letting you know that I'm alive n' shit.."

"You better call Patrick, then, 'cause he'll have a swat team at your house if you don't." Andy replies, "Got it?"

"Mhmm." Joe hums. "Thanks for.. Y'know, caring. Love you." was that too much? Did he really have to tell Andy that he loved him? Who does that shit? Apparently Joe.

"Love you too, man?" Andy says as he furrows his brow. 

-

Patrick feels like he's been waiting an entire year to get a reply from Andy. Within that time, he's already got his car keys in his hand and ready to speed over to his boyfriend's house once he gets a call. He's still shaking as he begins to mentally prepare himself for whatever could come next. Anything. Worst case scenario, communication error, anything. Anything at all. 

But it must be the best case scenario, because once the phone rings and he opens it- it's not Andy on the other end. (not that Andy calling him is a bad thing, of course.) It's Joe who's went straight into a heartfelt apology. It's both comforting and concerning at the same time.

"Patrick, please don't hate me, I'm so sorry I scared you like that, I'm not dead, I'm alive and I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry, I love you, Patrick, I'll make it up to you, I swear."

Patrick could cry tears of joy right now if it weren't for the fact that he still didn't know why Joe wasn't answering him. 

"Why weren't you at school?!" he yells, "Why didn't you answer me, though?! Joe, is everything okay? Do I need to know something about you? I love you, okay?"

Patrick's yelling is no help towards his headache, but he figures he deserves that shit. He takes a breath before giving Patrick the same answer he gave Andy. The same excuse rather than lie that was probably an understatement to what he was actually going through. If Patrick knew that his alcoholism was getting worse, there was no telling how he'd react. He hated doing this to him, but as fucked up as he was, he couldn't see himself stopping anytime soon. "I was asleep all day. I was pretty fucking sick, but.. " he pauses and brings the bottle back to his lips. It's almost like he needs it to function now. Maybe he does. Feeling the burning in his throat again, he winces slightly, but bounces back to his answer. "I'm okay."

"Promise?" Patrick asks, just to make sure he isn't lying to him. He doesn't feel like he would, but then again he's never really sure. He noticed the pause, but he wasn't going to ask since he did just tell him he was sick and his throat was probably dry either way.

"Yeah." Joe half-heartedly reassures. He isn't sure he believes it himself, but he'll tell it to Patrick a million times to put his heart at ease. "Promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I would get nearly this far with any piece of writing, haha. I still have a few more chapters planned too, which is even more shocking to me. Thanks to everyone who's supported this story so far, it means a lot


	30. Sink Into Me

"So what are you implying?" Patricia asks her son who's been absolutely on edge for a month straight over Joe's suddenly-changed behavior. He's thought about asking him if he was lying about the day he claimed he was too sick to wake up, but he always changes the subject when he tries. He's scared of losing him, but he also feels their rollercoaster of a relationship begin to hit another dip. He's eventually decided on confronting his mother about it, though, and since Joe is currently spending Hanukkah this year with his dad in Florida, it'll give Patrick time to think of his next move because he can't lose him again. He doesn't think he can handle it. "Baby.....Do you think he could be cheating on you?"

"What?" Patrick shakes his head, "No! No, it's not that at all, I know he wouldn't pull that shit! I'm just..." he sighs and rests his head on the kitchen table. "I'm scared he's gotten himself into something that he, like, doesn't know how to get out of."

"Like, with his drinking?" she asks, moving some of Patrick's hair out of his face. He then looks up at her, on the verge of tears. 

"Maybe... Or... Or something else.. Like drugs." Patrick hears his mother sigh and shift in her seat. 

"Have a firm conversation with him, Patrick, let him know where you stand. If he cares about you-"

"-Which he does!" Patrick states. There's no doubt in his mind that Joe cares about him, epecially after a few recent events.

"Then he'll listen to your concerns and maybe even think about it. You have to be honest. Don't play around, either, say it out loud." Patricia firmly says, "Let him know that you're there for him, but also don't linger around if he starts dragging you down."

Patrick continues laying there, absorbing all of his mother's words. She's right, but what if he doesn't get his shit together? Does that mean that their rollercoaster of a relationship has hit it's next dip? Does that mean it's time to get off of the ride for good? He doesn't want to think about that, but he knows he'll have to sooner or later. "We're going on a camping trip with Andy, Pete, Chris and maybe Adam during Winter break.. I'll ask him about it then." 

"Good." she smiles. "I want you to be happy, and you won't be happy if you're always up and down with someone, Patrick."

"I know." he sighs before pulling his head back up. "Thanks, mom."

\-------

Just like he said he would, Patrick waits for the camping trip to roll around. It may not have been the road trip that Pete, Andy and Joe had planned on, but it's still getting out in the great outdoors to clear their busy minds between work and school, and, as Chris says, "Become one with nature" (a.k.a smoking weed in the woods). Adam seemed to have fell off the face of the earth, but apparently he and Pete had a falling out a couple of months ago which disqualifies him from the fuck party. 

Speaking of, Pete and Chris are currently arguing over the correct way to set up a tent while Andy's actually reading the instructions to the thing. 

Patrick follows Joe around as they look for dry enough sticks to start a fire so they don't "Freeze to fucking death". Patrick's dad always told him there was an art to starting a fire and apparently the proper sticks was part of that art. But it's great for him, though. It's a perfect opportunity to start a conversation about whatever could possibly be going on with Joe.

"So, what's been going on with you?" Patrick asks as he watches Joe snap an overgrown twig off of the side of a tree. It's green and instead of snapping right off it brings a stripe of bark off of the host tree. It definitely won't do. 

"What do you mean?" Joe asks as he throws the failed stick into the lake that they're camped out near. "Like, in general, or?"

"You know I can see right through you." Patrick sighs, picking a couple of sticks up off of the ground and putting them in his back pocket.

"With, like, X-Ray eyes n' shit?" Joe asks with a laugh, attempting to divert Patrick's attention from him. "Yeah, right."

Patrick lets out a single laugh. "I'm serious."

Joe shrugs and leans against a tree. "You got me, 'Trick.." 

"I do?" the blonde asks, "So what is it?" he locks eyes with his boyfriend's in hopes that it'll 'corner' him to spill the truth. "You can tell me anything.. I wanna help you. " Patrick reaches out and takes both of Joe's hands in his. "I know you didn't just have the flu that day you slept through my calls."

"Well, I've been thinking.." Joe replies, "And, y'know.." he shrugs slightly, trying to think up a lie to cover up the truth. It was just one cover story and that was it. He swears to himself in this moment that he'll never lie to Patrick about anything again. Just this one thing. "I think I'm gonna shave my head again, and uhh.." Joe swings Patrick's arms along a bit as he tries to think of what he was going to tell him next. "Move to New York City, and... Get an office job." he finishes his sentence with a smirk.

Patrick stares at him before bursting into laughter. He knows he isn't serious and quite honestly, he'd slap him if he weren't busy laughing because he's sick of Joe lying to him and thinking he was getting away with it. It wasn't like he was going to hold anything against him, he just wanted to be there and maybe offer comfort to his fucking boyfriend. It was kind of unbelievable and he couldn't help but feel like they were heading towards disaster once again.

"Okay." Patrick shrugs, taking the sticks out of his back pocket and turning to start collecting a few more. He decides to just drop it. Joe can just tell him when he's ready, whenever that would be. "Sounds great, I mean.." he collects a few more sticks, "I think you can really pull it off." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah.. Yeah, definitely."


	31. All I Did Was What I Had To

The rest of the camping trip proves to be far from uneventful. Sure, Patrick's still kind of ticked that Joe still hasn't told him the truth, but he decides to let it go until Joe decides he's ready to tell the truth.. If he ever decides he's ready. Patrick feels like he could persuade him into spilling his guts with a series of intense make-out sessions and also by acting more clingy than usual, as ridiculous as it would probably sound to anyone else who happened to hear his master plan. It may work, it may not. Who knows.

All that matters is that he's gathered around a campfire, snuggled up against Joe as they share a joint and a bottle of whiskey with their friends (excluding Andy, who, doesn't actually participate in their smoke circles, but hangs out nevertheless) like hippies in the 1960s, except it's the 2000s and they have to preserve their weed supply considering that none of them are getting paid for another week. It's still a nice way to bond, though, as they spread each other's mouth germs around, probably stringing along the remainder of the flu virus that Pete caught last week and just unwind from their hectic lives between bill-paying, work, school and other shit. 

"You guys sure are getting rather cozy over there, huh?" Chris laughs as he passes the joint over to Joe.

"You could say that." Patrick replies with a smile on his face as he looks up at Joe. He watches a smile form on his boyfriend's face which is so comforting to Patrick that it kind of makes him feel guilty for trying to trick Joe into spilling his guts about.... Whatever's up with him, because he knows something is, he just knows it and he still can't stand the fact that Joe is trying to hide it from him.

He's right. He's 100% right and it's more than obvious that he's catching onto it, but Joe can't seem to bring himself to tell Patrick that he's spiraling deeper and deeper into his alcohol addiction. He hopes that maybe Patrick will either figure it out on his own or drop it, but he also knows he's destroying himself and that it's going to slowly begin to destroy Patrick too if it hasn't already began to. Joe can't stand hurting Patrick and he hates the fact that he's doing it, but maybe if he hides it just a little longer he'll pick himself back up before something serious happens. He's gotta get better. He has to pull through this for Patrick if nothing else.

"You guys are cute." Andy says with a laugh, observing the way they're snuggled up together.

"Yeah, we're downright adorable." Joe says proudly as he hands the joint to Patrick.

"We used to be that cute." Pete says about Chris and himself as he takes a swig out of the whiskey bottle.

"Used to be." Chris replies in a monotone voice.

Andy, Patrick and Joe can't help but feel like something's going on between Pete and Chris- and by that, like, something more serious than their usual spats. There's seemed to be a lot of tension in the air between them lately and it's only gotten thicker so far during the camping trip. Maybe it is good that they couldn't work it out to go on that road trip because if they got into it while they were all packed into a van or Andy's mom's Tahoe, there would've been a problem.

They assume they'll find out more later tonight, though, when they all have to pack into a relatively small tent. That's going to be fun. But at least someone can crawl out and sleep in the car if need be, unlike if they were on the road.

Not too fond of the tension, Joe takes the bottle once Pete's done, taking a longer swig that the other 3 would probably like him to. 

"Don't fuckin' drain us, man." Chris says about it as Patrick hands him the joint. 

"Calm down." Joe says, pulling his lips away and handing the bottle back over to Pete. "I'm not that fuckin' dumb."

Once Patrick hands the joint to Chris, he notices his boyfriend's fondness towards the bottle. It isn't the first time he's seen Joe downing a drink by no means, but it seems to be getting worse lately.

Oh God, it's been getting worse.

And like that, it clicks. It's not just a fondness that Joe has towards alcohol- it's becoming something worse. It's a full-blown addiction, and has been for quite a while, he's just been good at masking it as recreational hobby like the rest of his friends' drinking. But he's getting worse at hiding it, because he's far more dependent now, and as he realizes this, Patrick's heart drops as he feels himself dissociating from the scene now, his eyes solely focused on the flame of the fire. He knows what he wants to say, but he can't bring his mouth to say it. He remembers that day he took a drink before hitting the road after the conversation they had about hearts and attitudes. He didn't even have a chance to get as high as he'd liked to before it crashed down with the fear of his boyfriend's life teetering towards the line.

And, honestly, if Patrick could feel anything other than fear in this moment, it'd be anger. His mind wanders off into dark places that it shouldn't be wandering off to, especially not since he and Joe are still so young. He knows it'll tear him apart if he doesn't do something soon to help him- he can't lose Joe. 

He just can't.

There's a conversation going on between the other four, Patrick's too zoned out, thinking about worst case scenarios and valid points to bring up to Joe once they're alone and have time to walk through this. 

He knows he can't give up just yet, he knows he'll have to step up and be there for him, even if that means completely dropping alcohol himself. He can definitely do that, no big deal. It wasn't something he needed, it was just something he'd do when he had the time or someone else were doing it. It was all fun and games and he really hadn't started doing it a lot until this past year.

But what if Joe doesn't want to? Then where does that leave Patrick? He knows he can't keep stringing along, watching him slowly, but probably surely, kill himself.

He doesn't want to have to give Joe a choice between him and the bottle. He really doesn't want to, but he can't be completely selfless in this situation. He'll have to think about that. And hopefully not right now. But he can't sit in silence. He wants to confide in someone, preferably his mom, but the cellphone reception out in the woods fucking sucks ass and everyone else is fucking stoned. Maybe it would be better to talk to someone who's stoned. But who would that be?

Pete, of course. Joe's been hanging around Pete for a couple of years now and Pete likely knows the most about him out of the three gathered. Not to mention, he's kind of the easiest to talk to- the first time Patrick met him, they kind of just clicked, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't look up to Pete at least somewhat. 

"Is it getting bed time for the baby?" Chris laughs, referring to Patrick's zoning out.

God, Patrick wishes he could've gotten an actual high before his mind went elsewhere.

"Shut the fuck up, Chris." he replies as he snaps back into reality.

Pete snorts once he takes a hit off of the drag. Patrick telling Chris to 'shut the fuck up' was rather amusing to him, especially in his current mental state. Then again, hearing anyone give Chris a piece of hell was one of his favorite things in the world to hear. 

"Man, what the fuck?" Chris asks.

"You heard the kid, Chris." Pete laughs, not realizing how riled up Chris was probably about to get. Patrick does, notice, though and immediately retracts what he said, much to Pete's dismay.

"Sorry.. Sorry, man, my mind.. It's uh, all over the place."

"What's up?" Joe asks as Pete hands him the joint. 

Patrick shakes his head. "I.. Nothing, I was just wondering if I, uh.." he tries to think up an excuse, but it isn't coming. Nothing seems to be happening in his head except for fear and brewing anger towards Joe for acting so fucking oblivious.

"Pete." he finally says, looking up him. 

"What did I do, 'Trick?" he asks. 

"Oh, nothing." Patrick says, shaking his head. "Can I... Talk to you.. Alone?" 

"Uh...." Pete's confused- so are the other 3, probably. He isn't going to turn him down, though, it must be important. "...Sure?" he replies, "Shoot."

"No.." Patrick stands up. It's now or never, and as awkward as it is, he needs to get it over with. Pete's a hell of a lot smarter than given credit for, especially when it comes to shit like this. The guy's dealt with a lot of shit in the past, he may know how to help somehow, and Patrick knows that if it involves Joe, he's definitely going to want to pitch in somehow. "I mean, alone.." 

"Sure." Pete replies. "Tent?" he asks, as the tent would be the only place they could really have a private chat away from the others at this hour, it was a little further up the lake than their fire was. Well, besides deeper into the woods, but he wasn't going to wander too far away from their food supply right now since he was getting rather hungry, plus, he was pretty sure that Joe had left half a box of cheez-its in the tent, and he planned to take well advantage of that.

"Yeah, let's go." Patrick says as he watches Pete get up and begins to follow him towards the tent. 

Joe's left at a complete stand-still. Deep down, he knew this was probably going to be about earlier. He just knew it. The ultimate fall of their relationship was probably starting now, and he didn't know how to cope with that.

"Stay where you are." Patrick says to him before disappearing off with Pete.

If Joe were any more of a pussy than he was now, he'd probably chase after them, but he also respects their privacy at the same time. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad- hell, maybe he was wrong and it wasn't about their relationship at all. He didn't know that. But at the same time, he felt rather awful that he hadn't proven himself to Patrick that he could confide in him about whatever it was. He really fucked up.

"So, did I tell you guys that my mom's thinking about moving back to Milwaukee?" Andy says, trying to break the ever-so-awkward atmosphere.


	32. I Know You Know

Patrick never suspected that Pete gave out such comforting hugs. Maybe it's the situation they're in, maybe it's just the strength that Pete uses to cling onto Patrick. Either way, he finds great comfort in the other's arms after laying out everything that's lead him to his current conclusion of his boyfriend's situation. 

He told him everything- the intoxicated driving, the missed phone calls, watching him come to school hungover for nearly a year straight, the way he avoided confrontation so aggressively to the point where Patrick decided to just drop it. It was all terrifying.

"You have to think about yourself in this situation too, 'Trick." Pete says as he strokes Patrick's hair, hoping it would provide further comfort. 

Fuck, he doesn't know what he's doing with this kid- he's just a kid himself!--- But an older kid, one that had put himself in the position to sort of watch out for Joe- and because of this, he absolutely hates the fact that he'd been so blind to an obviously growing problem. But then again, it would've been hypocritical on Pete's part to say something to him earlier since he does shit like that too, and probably subconsciously fueled onto his younger friend's alcoholism- and now he feels guilty about it...

"I know," Patrick replies through forming tears, "I know that, but I can't just ditch him outta' nowhere." 

"I didn't say that." Pete replies calmly, "I'm just saying that..." Pete sighs and takes a second to collect himself enough to explain his part in the grand scheme of things- "You know I absolutely adore that kid, and I'm sure you've realized I have a... I dunno', big brother complex over him," 

Patrick nods. He knows exactly what Pete's talking about and in fact, that's the main reason he came to Pete with this. He knows him- he's subconsciously sworn to protect him it seems- everyone kind of knows that and it's also becoming apparent that Pete also has a similar complex over Patrick as well.

"-but," Pete adds, "If he isn't willing to, I dunno, take a step forward to... Keep himself from... Dying so young, it's probably a sign that you should distance yourself, 'cause you know, Patrick.."

"I'll end up going down with him?" Patrick asks, hoping he understands what Pete's saying exactly. And judging by the "mhmm." Pete hums, he likely has gotten his point. 

"Exactly, yeah."

Patrick nods. It wasn't really anything he didn't know already of course, but hearing someone else say it was reassuring that he wasn't being selfish by thinking about it. And truth be told, he wasn't. It wasn't like he was going to leave Joe the minute things got hard- they were past that phase and Patrick was desperate to make it last this time. It had to last.

"So... Maybe now isn't the best time," Pete looks out the zipper door of the tent, over at the campfire where Chris, Andy and Joe are still gathered. "-but, I wouldn't wait too much longer either.. 'Cause, like-"

"I want you to be there with me when I confront him." Patrick states once Pete turns back around from peering out the door. He had already planned on being there when the time came, but Patrick had just confirmed that. "Andy too... Maybe Chris."

"Yeah." Pete agrees as he leans over and picks up the box of cheez-its in the corner of the tent. "It should definitely be a group thing."

Patrick sighs as he tries to think about how he's going to get the rest of the group on board without Joe catching onto it. Pete can immediately pick up on his anxiety and puts the snacks down for a brief minute to give him another quick hug. 

"It's gonna' be fine, 'Trick. Promise." 

"I know." Patrick replies. And, truly, he does know that it's going to be okay- for him, atleast. But he can't stop worrying about the bumpy road ahead of them- there's a whole lot of things to consider, like watching his boyfriend go through the withdrawals that come with the process of detox. It wasn't going to be easy at all, but it would still turn out okay in the end... at least for Patrick- and he was going to try his damnest to make sure it would be okay for Joe as well. 

"Good." Pete pulls away and picks the box back up. "Would... A cheez-it make you feel better?" he offers. 

Patrick laughs softly and accepts his offer, taking a couple out of the box and shoving them in his mouth. He feels a hell of a lot better now, all thanks to Pete. It was reassuring as hell to know that Pete didn't think he was overreacting, and quite honestly he feels like that moment brought them closer. This moment also kind of reminds Patrick of that morning at the gas station when Pete told him that he was always fond of him, whatever that meant.

"Ya' okay now?" Pete asks with his mouth full, to which Patrick nods to. 

"I do," he replies, shoving his hand in the box again. "thanks, Pete.. You're.. Not as much of an asshole as I thought you were."

Pete laughs. "I'm still an asshole, I just like being nice to you."

Patrick tilts his head. That was kind of weird, considering that Pete wasn't that 'nice' to any of his other friends- during the time that Patrick's known him he's mostly poked jokes and slight insults at his friends, especially Chris. Sure, he'd put himself in a position where it was kind of his place to tease Joe- that's what older brothers do and that's kind of what Pete was to Joe. Andy, on the other hand would probably told Pete to jump out of his mom's Tahoe and walk given the chance. "And... Not to anyone else?"

"I'm nice to everyone!" Pete protests. Patrick rolls his eyes before they fall into silence for a few seconds, only to be interrupted by a "Thank you."from Patrick before he once again leans over and pulls Pete into his embrace.

"Thank you so, so much." He can feel Pete nod. He never replies, but once they pull away he smiles before moving the hair away from Patrick's forehead and suddenly, unexpectedly leaving a soft kiss.

"Ready to go back out yet?" he asks as he pulls himself back into his previous position.

Patrick nods hesitantly before leaning back over and wrapping his arms around Pete once again. Pete definitely doesn't mind- Patrick gives nice hugs, and besides- he loves physical contact anyways. 

-

Patrick leaves the tent with a much calmer aura and a clearer outlook on things as he approaches the circle of his friends and boyfriend who have now resorted to breaking into the snack supply, talking about how ordering a pizza would still be "roughing it" since delivery isn't an option and someone would have to drive a few miles to go get it anyways. He returns to Joe's side, inserting himself up against him as an apology that he left. Joe doesn't seem to be mad at him or anything, and that's because he isn't. He's too focused on the fact that he's back to share his body heat with him. 

"'M glad you're back, I missed you." Joe mutters quietly as he kisses the top of Patrick's head.

"You missed me? What are you gonna' do when one of us takes a full time job and one of us has to stay home with the kids in several years?" Patrick asks with a slight smirk, putting emphasis on the fact that they were going to have a future together.

"Guess I'll have to deal with it." Joe replies, "But I'm still a kid myself now, a kid who wants to cuddle his boyfriend all the time."

Patrick's sure that everything is going to be just fine now. Something tells him they'll both be alright in the very end, even if there are bumps in the road. It'll work out for sure. It has to.


	33. Caution To The Wind

Patrick promised not only himself, but in a way Pete too, that he would keep calm for the rest of the camping trip. 

It didn't feel like it would be too hard to ease his mind off of it as he propped himself up against Joe while they laughed over things with Pete, Chris and Andy that probably no one else would find all that funny. 

Stargazing kept his mind busy, focused on his future. The future that he was going to share with Joe no matter what because they were going to be okay, it was all going to turn out fine, and Patrick was sure of that as Joe kissed his forehead as he gazed up at the big dipper.

And as Joe pulled Patrick into his embrace while they were sandwiched between their friends in the tent that night, it didn't feel like it would be a problem to keep calm until he could address the pressing issue. They would talk it out and Patrick would, with the help of other people in Joe's life, sort of guide him away from the fire. 

Because of this constant self-reassurance, Patrick fell asleep a lot sooner than he expected to. He slept like a baby all night wrapped up in his boyfriend's arms, benefitting from Andy's body heat as Andy probably was with his. It was near damn perfect- like a dream come true. He truly felt like he had everything straightened out. 

This was all until he was abrubtly brought back to earth the next morning with his mind set right back on the problem- Joe's drinking problem.

Picking up the tent and other things the group had brought is definitely a team effort, and everyone's pitching in- from Pete taking the tent down while Andy reads him the instructions on how to disassemble it without snapping the metal bars (because there's no telling what Pete could manage to do), Chris rolling up the sleeping bags and packing them neatly into a travel bag, Patrick making sure all of their luggage is gathered and packed up in the bags, and Joe arranging their luggage in the back to make sure that they'll all fit into the Tahoe without too much of a struggle; but he isn't doing his job without taking a swig from a bottle of vodka every minute or two apart. 

Hit after hit, the bottle's emptier and emptier each time it's set back down and with each centimeter emptier it becomes, the more Patrick's heart breaks. 

He keeps his chin up at first and tries to go about his tasks so they can all get home in time for those of the group who have to go to work in a few hours and so the ones who don't can rest up before they have to go into their own jobs, but it's definitely hard to keep himself from staring at Joe every now and then. He wants to say something so badly, but Andy beats him to it as he tosses the tent in it's bag to Joe.

"Dude, you might wanna' take it easy there." 

Joe just shrugs and places the tent bag on top of the cooler. It wasn't a shock to him that Andy would be catching onto him, but he just really wishes he hadn't confronted him about it. Sure, it definitely wasn't responsible to drink nearly a whole bottle of vodka for breakfast and he knew that. He kind of hated that he was doing it, but the anxiety of returning home to his probably pissed off mother had his mind racing. What would she yell at him for first? The mess he left his room in before he left? It was always like that! 

Alternatively, on the other side of his family tree, cellphone reception isn't so great in the woods, which means he hasn't heard from his father in over 24 hours. Is he okay? On his most recent visit, he seemed to be down health-wise, which was just another thing that had Joe on absolute fucking edge. 

"Yeah..." Patrick mutters, handing his boyfriend the sleeping bags. 

Joe's heart starts beating a little faster once he sees the look in Patrick's eyes. 

"You should, uh, listen to Andy... you're kinda scaring me, Joe." Patrick says as calmly as possible, even though he really wants to just break down and beg him into realizing what he's doing to not only himself but the ones who care about him. It didn't work like that, though.

"Babe.." Joe says softly as he's about to let another lie escape his lips. Patrick knows that's what's about to happen; when was the last time Joe had told the truth when it came to this? "I'm okay, okay?" 

Patrick blinks. Tears start to form in his eyes, but he can't let them fall just yet. All he can manage to do is nod as Joe presses his lips against his as he can feel everyone else's eyes on him. Don't they have shit to do?

He doesn't kiss back with nearly as much passion and lust as used to, just a quick, lifeless peck. Joe sighs as he notices that Patrick's frustrated with him and then turns back around towards his luggage arranging. This was it. This must be the way down.

Something inside of Patrick finally snaps, causing him to the grab bottle off of the cooler Joe had it on top of once he turns away, though he still manages to do so in a manner that would suggest he's completely calm and collected in this situation. 

That's because maybe he is- maybe he knows exactly what he's doing. Actually, that's definitely the case. Patrick wasn't the same short-tempered kid he was before- he's becoming an adult and has been starting to act more like one.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Joe asks once he realizes what Patrick has just done. The walls are closing in now, he feels a knot begin to form in his throat as he turns around. He's cornered. He can't run anymore. This is truly it.

Pete honestly expected Patrick to make a move sooner than later. It seemed rather urgent last night, like he couldn't take it anymore. Patrick wasn't only trying to pull his boyfriend out of a rough patch, though, he was also standing up for himself, and Pete was proud of that- he just wasn't too keen on the fact that there would probably be tension in the car on the way back to town.

Logically Joe knows that it's for his own good, but he kind of hates the fact that it's so sudden, abrupt and at a time that he really, really feels like he needs the buzz. But he always feels like he needs it- no, not just feeling like it. At this point, he really does need it to function. He always needs to be intoxicated just to get through the day.

"What is this?!" Joe asks with a slight laugh of disbelief, hoping that Patrick, or any of the others for that matter pick up on his sense of fear. It's pointless, though, they probably know just as well as he does how terrified he is. "A fucking intervention or something?"

"Well," Chris shrugs, "I mean, it was going to happen sooner or later."

"Oh, so you're in on this too!?" Joe asks hysterically.

"No, but it's not like he's oblivious!" Patrick states. 

"Three of you drink too! You're fucking hypocrites!" Joe replies as he tries to pull the bottle out of Patrick's hands. Patrick puts up a hell of a fight, though, and Joe is definitely no stranger to that. 

"Not the way you do." Pete says calmly, "We get drunk maybe like twice a week for the fun of it. You're different, though.... You were always different, you seem to need alcohol to simply function these days. It's gonna kill you."

"I know that alcohol can fucking kill me." Joe replies as he continues fighting with Patrick for the bottle. "I'm not a dumbass, is that what you think?" once he gets the upper-hand again, he untwists the cap and tries to bring it to his lips.

"I don't know," Patrick replies, yanking the bottle away from Joe rather violently for the 5th time in the past minute.

"Yeah, you kind of are." Chris says. 

"No one thinks you're a dumbass, stop trying to make it seem like that." Andy says as he shoves Chris slightly. "I know that you know that you could get yourself really fucked up-"

"Fuck off!" he yells as he once again tries to bring the bottle to his lips.

Patrick once again pulls it away from him, this time with a lot more force before he impulsively wacks his boyfriend up-side the head with the glass bottle that shatters due to being made from cheap glass. His motive to do so is one that he can't possibly correlate other than pure frustration towards the fact that Joe told him to leave him alone. 

Joe instinctively cries out of course because it definitely hurt like hell and he can swear he sees stars floating above his head right now because even though it wasn't too awfully thick, it was still glass and it still jarred his brain enough to throw him off track.

"I'm sorry!" Patrick yells once he realises what he had just done, dropping the part of the bottle that remained in his hands after it shattered at their feet and moving closer to his boyfriend who's completely zoned out. 

The vodka that spilt from the bottle dampens a good chunk of his hair and it begins to drip off onto the side of his head- the same area that was striken and now bleeding. Once Patrick sees the blood, he immediately begins to freak out worse. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." he repeats, nearly in tears.

Joe doesn't reply. He's too busy floating at the moment from the combination of alcohol, the head injury and the heartache from the fact that Patrick just took him on like that. Sure, he told him to leave him alone, but did Patrick have to do that? He's honestly hurt more emotionally than physically, and as much as he wants to cry about it, he won't let himself. Not infront of everyone. He just stays silent and watches the splotches of color floating infront of his eyes. Before he knows it, he's surrounded by the rest of the group.

"I don't know what happened, I honestly don't know what brought me to that, I-" Patrick desperately tries to explain even though it clearly looked like he was taking a hit due to the way Joe yelled at him. He truly doesn't know why he does some of the things he's done, and this was one of them.

"Calm down, okay?" Pete says as he approaches.

"Hey, man, you there?" Chris asks, grabbing Joe's shoulders and shaking him slightly

"Dude, do you need to see a doctor?" Andy asks, watching Joe close his eyes tightly and hug himself. Patrick obviously hears them since they're all right there and the thought that his boyfriend could end up in the hospital because of him made him feel like absolute shit.

Joe finally mumbles something along the lines of "I don't feel so good" as he moves over closer to the Tahoe and pulls himself up to sit in the trunk. Patrick looks over at him, hyperventilating and unsure of what to do with himself now. He didn't mean for it to go like this. What more could possibly go wrong?

"Just give him a minute to come back to earth and we'll see what to do from there, alright?" Chris says to Patrick as he pulls a cigarette and lighter out of his back pocket. 

Patrick just nods slightly. This was hell. By time he looks back over, Andy's shoving tissues up against Joe's head as Pete digs around in the first aid kit. He feels bad for not going over there and helping, but then again what did he need to help with? They had it under control. He just felt guilty. All he wanted to do was give Joe a brief wake-up call, not a fucking concussion. All he could think about was the the loud "Fuck you right back!" that Joe threw at him the last time he brought blood from his head.


	34. Backseat Serenade

Patrick keeps his face turned towards the window in the backseat on the way back to town because he can't let anyone see the tears streaming down his face, especially not Joe, who's in the middle of the backseat between him and Pete. He doesn't assume that his boyfriend (if he can even call him that after the events of this morning) is all too happy with him, so he tries to keep his distance, even though they're literally seated right next to eachother. He wishes he would've called shotgun before Chris.

Pete's half-asleep considering that he- hadn't sleep much the night before. He never does. Before he dozes off he mumbles to Joe about waking him up if he needs him. Joe replies with a simple "okay", even though he doesn't think he will need to wake him up since the bleeding has stopped and there's a slighty large bandaid there. It still hurts, of course, but not nearly as much as it did, and while he's still dizzy, it's manageable enough to where they eventually decided that they didn't need to hit the hospital.

"Hey." Joe says quitely as he turns to Patrick. 

Patrick can't bring himself to reply as he closes his eyes and swallows. He figures it's easier to ignore him than to start a scene in a moving vehicle. 

A few seconds pass before Joe realizes he isn't getting a reply and sighs. "Now you can't even look at me?" He's the one that hit him upside the head for fuck's sake! He'd love to bring that up right now, but at the moment all he really wants is to just cuddle with his boyfriend despite the fact that he's the reason he needs someone's embrace.

Patrick shakes his head and chokes back a sob. 

Joe can feel his heart physically breaking into dozens of pieces, much like the bottle that Patrick shattered up against his head, but on the other hand, he feels like he deserves this. He deserves it for lying to Patrick, for not opening up to him when he begged him to, for having him worried and on edge for weeks on end. The headache, the heartbreak and the anxiety of not knowing if Patrick will ever forgive or trust him again is probably just payback for all of that shit that he pulled. It sucks, but that's probably how it has to be in his mind. "I'm sorry."

Patrick opens his eyes again. 'Sorry' wasn't going to fix the way he's felt over the past few weeks. 'Sorry' can't erase the anxiety of not knowing whether the person you love the most in the world will still be alive the next time you see them. 'Sorry' won't take them back to the day he thought Joe was dead or something. But at the same time, that wasn't an excuse for what happened and 'Sorry' won't fix that either. 

"I just wanna'... I dunno, rest my head on your shoulder, I feel awful, I just want comfort.."

"Pete's on the other side of you." Patrick replies coldly. It wasn't his first choice of words, but if Joe just wanted a shoulder to lean on, there was clearly two sets of those on either side of him. And besides, why would he want to rest his head on Patrick's shoulder, anyway? He's the one who caused a scene, busted his head open and turned his back to him, quite literally. Patrick contemplates letting go- yes, letting go for a brief second. Breaking up with Joe right here, right now and never turning back when Andy stops at his house. It seems like it'd be easier than having to go through an awkard make-up process just for something else to go wrong. Who was to say he'd even change after all of that? Did Patrick really need to pull himself through all of that heartache? And was he really the one for Joe? He's caused him to bleed twice within the past 4 months alone. 

"I meant from you specifically.. You know, my boyfriend." the way Patrick told him to just lean on Pete and probably fuck off was rather harsh, and even though he figured it was warranted somehow, it still hurt a lot and made him want to cry.

But Patrick won't let go- he can't do that. There's too much chemistry there to not try to work on. What about their future that he constantly dreams about? There's too much at stake, and if Patrick's learned anything in this relationship, it's that this too shall pass. Hearing the desperation in his boyfriend's voice as he begs for comfort is more than enough to remind Patrick that Joe would probably do anything for him. And honestly, getting sober wasn't just for Patrick's sake- it was for his own too. So he takes a deep breath, wipes his eyes and fakes a smile that stops being so fake once he turns around and looks at the taller boy. "Come on." he says softly as he pulls Joe closer, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.

Joe isn't sure how Patrick went from 'I don't want to look at you' to 'Come here, let me comfort you' in a matter of a couple of minutes, but he doesn't want to ask about it and ruin the mood. All that matters is that they're cuddling now, and the tension has seemed to dissolve. 

"I love you." Patrick whispers, tears forming in his eyes again- this time from absolute adoration for his boyfriend. It's crazy how his emotions towards Joe and just overall in general change so quickly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Joe replies, taking Patrick's left hand into his right, "I can't imagine myself without you, I want to be with you for a long time, I'm sorry I scared you so much."

Patrick looks around the car- Pete's knocked out cold, Chris is texting, Andy's focused on the road. Nobody's paying attention to their little moment, and even if Chris is he isn't saying anything which is quite honestly, a relief.

"An' the truth is," Joe says quietly as Patrick presses a firm kiss on the very top of his head, careful not to get too close to his injury. "I wanna get better, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna be a complete sucker, y'know?"

"Mhmm." Patrick hums, non-chalantly when in reality he felt so much better about the situation when Joe told him that. It's reassuring to hear that he'd be willing to quit, that he doesn't like being in this situation. It's just a further reminder that they'll be okay and all he supposes.

"I'll stop drinking so much and get my shit together, I swear." Joe turns his head to bury his face in Patrick's shoulder while all that Patrick can do is sigh contently.


	35. Time Is Slowing Down, Love

When Joe told Patrick he'd stop drinking, Patrick honestly didn't think he meant right then. He didn't expect his boyfriend to show up to work that evening while sober, and definitely didn't expect for Joe to call him over late that night to help him clear out his liquor stash, (which they planned on simply locking in the attic for the time being in a place that only Patrick knew), but he did, and Patrick's incredibly proud of his boyfriend. As kind of expected, Joe also asked Patrick to stay over tonight so he'd at least be there to comfort him when the withdrawals started getting bad. 

Patrick sure as hell can't say no to the opportunity of getting to fall asleep in Joe's arms, especially since its Winter, so naturally, he jumped on the chance, but reminded him that he had to be at work in the morning.

Plenty of "are you sure"s reguarding his decision to quit followed, of course because while they both knew it was probably incredibly dangerous to completely quit drinking without a doctor's supervision, it just didn't seem like an option, especially since Joe's so young and doesn't want to get himself or his parents in trouble for underage drinking. Slowly weaning himself off of it didn't sound like it would work too well either, so they scratched that off as soon as the idea popped into their heads. Besides, they were both sure that Joe could pull through this. Worst case scenario was that he'd end up in the emergency room, but they'd deal with that when and if need-be. 

-

"Your hand's shaking." Patrick says bluntly as Joe tries to hold his, only to drop it when he says that.

"Sorry." he replies. 

"Does your mom know?" Patrick asks, pulling his boyfriend a little closer as they sit on Joe's bed, doing absolutely nothing.

Joe nods. "She said to let her know if I start hallucinating, gave me a bottle of aspirin and told me to keep it down when I start puking in the middle of the night." he then laughs and rolls his eyes. "Mom of the year, right? My dad would probably tell me how fucking stupid I am for doing this without help, so I'm not gonna tell him until I've completely come clean. I wanna' surprise him, y'know?"

Patrick nods, agreeing with what Joe had just said about his father, which leads him to the question "Where's your stepdad?" 

"Business trip. Bet he's cheating on my mom as we speak with some hot brunette stripper he picked up at a strip club about 5 minutes from the hotel he's staying in." 

Patrick blinks. That was definitely more than he bargained for. "Cool."

Joe shrugs. "She probably knows it, too. They're fuckin' ridiculous."

"My parents never cheated on each other," Patrick says, "they just grew apart and out of love, decided it wasn't worth staying together and putting their kid through hell." the blonde shrugs and then sighs dreamily. "I don't.... I don't think we'll fall out of love... Will we?"

"Mm, only time can tell, I guess." Joe replies, then kissing Patrick's cheek. "But as for now, I don't plan on it." 

Patrick smiles when Joe kisses his cheek and rests his head on his shoulder. "Me either." 

A few seconds pass before a small groan is brought to Patrick's concern. Lifting his head up, he shows his boyfriend a sympathetic smile. "You okay?"

"My fuckin' head hurts, man, I should probably eat something but I feel like I'd throw it back up immediately."

"I'm so sorry about the bottle, babe." Patrick says quietly as he's reminded of the events of this morning. It still hurts and he's honestly never regretted something more in his life. "I swear I don't know what happened, I just took my frustration out on you, please-"

"No," Joe shakes his head, "it's not that at all, I'd have a headache either way, calm down."

Tears sting the blonde's eyes as he gets the impression that it's going to be a long night. He knows he won't be able to sleep once he lays his head down, and he figures that Joe probably won't fall asleep so easily either, especially since it seems that he's getting restless now.

"Patrick, don't cry about it..." Joe sighs, "Come on, it isn't a big deal."

"I hurt you." Patrick replies, "Physically, this time.. I literally lashed out on you."

"You know, it broke my heart more than-" Joe stops when he realizes that Patrick's crying now. Oh, shit. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

"I know, and it isn't the first time I've hit you." Patrick sniffles, "I don't wanna take my anger out on you, I don't want it to be a common occurrence.. I'm so scared of becoming abusive, I'm terrified of you getting used to me physically inflicting my anger on you to the point where you're used to it."

The only thing that Joe can think of doing right now is pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug. 

Patrick wraps his arms around him in return and starts crying into his shoulder, even though he feels guilty for it. "I'm.. So-orry.." he chokes out. "I-I sh-should be comforting you." he stutters out. It's hard to speak, to breathe, or to even form a coherent thought. Far too often does he seem to let his emotions get the better of him.

"Don't worry about it." Joe says softly as he presses his face against the top of Patrick's head- the soft, golden locks that he still, even after all that has happened, believes belong to an angel.

"I love you."

"I love you too, please don't cry." 

Patrick nods slightly before pulling his head out of Joe's shoulder. "Thank you." he says once they're face-to-face again instead of saying 'sorry' for the 933rd time today alone.

"Mhm." Joe hums, even though he isn't sure what Patrick's thanking him for. He feels like he should be the one thanking Patrick for sticking around all of this time.

"So....how are you feeling?" 

Joe laughs. "Miserable.. I'd feel even worse if I didn't have you here." 

"Aw." Patrick says softly with a combination of concern and adoration in his voice. "That's sweet... I think."

"It's just the truth." Joe says as he presses his lips up against Patrick's if only for a couple of seconds. 

Patrick can't help but smile when he pulls away. Sometimes it's really hard to imagine a future without Joe.


	36. Chapter 36

"You wanna go home, or... You feel like doing something tonight?" Pete asks as he watches Joe crawl into the passenger seat of his car. The first 48 hours were definitely tough, but for some reason, probably just sheer teenage stubbornness, he absolutely refused to miss a shift during those hours. The withdrawals were undoubtedly kicking his ass, but he wasn't going to let them win. They were rather awful, but still not enough for him to cause a scene quite yet- just a lot of strong temptation to fall back off of a wagon he isn't even completely on and that one time his mom had to pry him off of the bathroom floor after the nausea and intense dizziness that paired along with it left him unable to move for some time.

But still, Pete insists on driving him back and forth from work because for some reason he can't help but feel like it was sort of his fault that Joe was having to go through this at such a young age already, so it was only fair that he tried to ease it up somehow, and it seemed that offering rides and the chance to hang out with someone to keep his mind off of it was the best way that Pete knew how to help him. 

Andy was all on board for back-up transportation if need be since he really, really did not like the thought of this kid he subconsciously vowed to look out for getting into a stranger's car, or worse, trying to drive himself at a time like this.

That didn't mean Patrick was out of the picture by no means- of course, he'd made a couple of visits to either Joe's house or workplace whenever he could and left sweet little kisses along his pale face. And since Joe ate that romantic shit right up, he would sometimes milk it a bit just to get that extra kiss and 'I love you'. Patrick probably knew that- he wasn't dumb and he definitely enjoyed giving his boyfriend the extra attention. 

Chris seemed to support him from afar- and by afar that meant he hadn't seen nor heard from him since they returned from the camping trip. Maybe it was his way of letting things run it's course and keeping his influences (whatever those might be) away from Joe when he needed them the absolute least.

"Whatever you wanna do," Joe replies, running a hand through his hair. "thanks for the ride, though."

Pete nods. "Anytime, man. We could see a movie, wander around Target..." he trails off and then looks over at Joe in the passenger seat, who doesn't seem to be all too comfortable, possibly on the verge of either crying, throwing up, or passing out. This kind of changes Pete's about entertainment options. "Or, we could just, like, go back to my apartment and you can lay on the floor." 

"Sounds great." Joe replies, wrapping his arms around himself and slumping down in the seat. "Um, let's do that." 

"Cool." Pete says as he starts driving towards the apartment buildings, "What's Patrick up to, might I ask?" 

"With his dad, I think." Joe shrugs, "It took me a while to convince him I'd be okay, but I told him you were driving me home from work an' promised not to get into shit."

"You better not be," Pete laughs, "we won't be alone, I think Andy's coming over if he isn't already there. Uhh, Chris is, like, helping his grandma with groceries or something.. And Jennifer and I broke up, so yeah it's just us and more than likely Andy."

"Rad." is the last thing that Pete hears from Joe during the ride over to his apartment. He didn't really expect him to be too talkative anyways, though, and he can only imagine how uncomfortable he probably is. It's still an incredibly awkward silence, though, so he turns on the radio, albeit on a low volume while the younger shifts around excessively in his seat. 

Once they're pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building, Pete looks back over at Joe before offering a quiet "You okay?". 

It takes Joe a few seconds to reply with a shrug. That's it, though, he doesn't confirm anything verbally and instead just proceeds to crawl out of the car, then standing there, seemingly zoned out as he struggles to catch his breath.

As Pete crawls out of the car as well, he doesn't really know what to do or say in this situation. Should he embrace him in a tight hug? Should he try to joke around and keep his mind off of it? As these questions float around his mind, he remembers the head injury- was that going to complicate things? Nah, it should be healed by now. Right?

Pete stands there mentally cursing himself for not looking more into the topic of this before offering to keep Joe company. He isn't quite sure, but he figures that Joe has already made it to the second stage of withdrawals- which, considering that if the vomiting and insomnia weren't enough, was where he really needed to be more observant of considering that he had the possibility to lose consciousness. "Ready to go in?" he finally brings himself to ask. 

Joe nods slightly, but still doesn't say anything as he follows Pete to the entrance of the building and over to the elevator. He's dragging his feet and Pete can hear him take a deep breath every now and then, which leads him to realize that his decision to bring him home with him was probably the best. 

He definitely isn't feeling like himself at all because any other day he and Pete would've raced each other down the hallway and more times than not straight to the kitchen to grab the greasiest, most unhealthy snacks they could find in there which wasn't hard considering that Pete's diet consisted mostly of potato chips and pizza.

"Catch up, man." Pete says as he approaches his apartment after getting out of the elevator.

"Leave me alone." Joe replies with a weak smirk, sticking his middle finger out once Pete turns around. As he puts it down, he notices that the hall starts spinning just a little faster and his heart starts beating to match. He seems to be getting worse by the minute and just wants to go lay on Pete's floor for a while. That's the only thing on his dizzy, foggy mind.

"That sounds like no fun." Pete laughs as he grabs Joe's right arm to pull him along a little faster. Joe's caught off guard at first, but grabs Pete's arm with his other hand to keep balance as he leads him up the hall. He wants to cling onto him completely, but he also doesn't want to look like a total sucker for attention- which, he isn't. And besides, it'll just cause a scene and make Pete worry more about him- which is the last thing he wants, even when his vision is going blurry along with his head. But that'll pass.

When Pete opens the door, he realizes Andy's sitting on the couch, texting, as expected. 'I wonder if he's texting a girlfriend' Pete thinks. 

Joe doesn't notice Andy, but that's just because the only thing he sees is Pete's floor before he unwillingly hits it while his vision fades completely to black, albeit only for a couple of seconds before he's completely conscious again. 

It kind of hurt- but he's okay. At least that's what he says when Pete and Andy ask.

"You've done nothing but freak us out these past few days, man, take it easy." Andy says as Joe pulls himself into a sitting position.

"How's your head?" Pete asks, sitting next to him. 

"Spinning." Joe replies, "Better than it was, though.. 'M pretty alert, though, I guess."

"Stay there, I'm gonna find you a bottle of water 'cause you need to keep hydrated and shit." Andy says as he gets up. "I think I only passed out 'cause I just realized how hot you are."

Andy laughs. "You don't have to flatter me, you know."

"Helps his case." Pete shrugs. 

"Sorry, I forgot that was your job." Joe smirks as he runs a hand through his hair. He knows that Pete has always found Andy incredibly attractive, ever since the day they first met at 15. He's heard the story time and time again in different variations. 

"How far along with the detox are you?" Andy asks as he comes back over with a few bottles of water- handing one to both Joe and Pete and taking the last one for himself. 

"Thanks, and, uh, a little over a couple of days, I think." Joe replies as he takes a drink out of the water bottle. "Sucks ass, though. I really wish I had some vodka."

"Pretend that's vodka, I guess." Pete says with a smirk. 

"I'm trying, man." Joe laughs. "Maybe if I try hard enough I'll cause a placebo and won't have to deal with these fuckin' withdrawals." he puts the bottle of water down and then reaches in his back pocket for his phone. Flipping it open, he notices he has a text from Patrick. It's just a simple 'how are you? ily.", but it brightens both his mood and overall feeling greatly as he blushes and fails to hide a smile. 

"Aw." Pete teases, poking at Joe's side before his voice turns serious again. "Are you gonna tell him, though?"

"Nah." Joe replies, "I wanna call him, though.. Maybe he isn't too busy.. He did tell me to call if I needed him."

"Well, it looks like you need him." Andy points out. 

Joe shrugs and dials his number. It doesn't even take 3 rings to get an answer. It's almost like Patrick knew he was going to call.

"Hey!" Patrick beams on the other end as he sits on the couch with his dad his attention towards the TV flickering in and out. The only thing about this cartoon, Invader Zim, that catches his eye is the heavy use of odd colors and rather loud voice acting. His dad's pretty into it, but he looks over at Patrick with a smile when he realizes that he's probably on the phone with his boyfriend- he is. It's hard to hide- Patrick has a different tone for everyone he talks to on the phone, and the most enthusiastic he uses is typically for Joe. David isn't going to interfere with the call since he knows that Patrick has been worried about his boyfriend for the past few days. 

"Hey," Joe says with a slight dreamy sigh, "am I interrupting anything?"

"Uh..." Patrick looks around- his father's busy watching TV, so doesn't seem to be interrupting much. David seems to be rather intrigued with this show, and Patrick really isn't sure why because all the characters do is yell all the time. Seems rather annoying to him, but then again it's kind of cute- also a little bit gross. "Nah, just watching a cartoon.." Patrick then realizes that something could be wrong and immediately asks, "why, what is it? Everything okay?"

Joe still can't (and doesn't plan to for that matter) bring himself to telling Patrick. He can't worry him like that because he'll still think it's his fault for the bottle and everything. It's best to not tell him in Joe's opinion, but he can't lie about the reason he called him. "Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice." he replies. 

Patrick blushes- it's rather embarrassing since he's right next to his dad, but he can't hide it, nor a smile that creeps up from cheek-to-cheek on his face. "Well, uh, here it is..." he laughs, not entirely sure what to talk about. "I love you."

"I love you too." Joe smiles, "So, what did you do today?"

"Oh!" now that he has something to talk about- he can easily start rambling in hopes that's what Joe signed up for. "We went to Pet Smart to get something for Honey- you know, her, right? Oh, of course you do, you came over here and pet her a few times.. So, anyway, we ended up buying, like, a lot of cool cat shit for her like a scratching post and this really, really fancy water fountain."

"Oh, sick."

"Very!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started writing this, I classified it as 'Semi-Joetrick' because I didn't originally plan on them actually getting back together, staying together, etc. But it really felt natural to carry it on out until the end, so... As we hit the last chapters of this fic, I'm just going to go ahead and say that it's not 'semi' at all anymore haha


	37. Jaws Theme Swimming

When Patrick's on school breaks and doesn't have to go into work before 2 P.M, his main priority is sleeping until then. It wasn't something he got nearly enough of, but when he could get it, it was rather sacred. His father and stepmother understood this and left him to sleep on in the spare bedroom he nested himself in whenever he stayed there. 

But just because they left him alone, doesn't mean that his phone will.

It's 8 A.M and his phone lights up like a christmas tree as it does when he recieves a text. The tell-tale 'ding!' that follows confirms that.

He sits straight up, eyes locked on the piece of technology that he wishes he could chuck at the wall and break due to it's fragility. The consequences that follow would be hell, though, including explaining to his parents who would both tell him to pay for a new one himself, having to explain it to the company he pays for cell service, and then going through the daunting task of actually getting a new one and having to get service instated on that. 

Blah, blah, blah. It's all a lot more work than restraining from causing it to shatter, so he reaches over on the nightstand and grabs his glasses that he's recently resorted back to using frequently and gives himself a second to adjust his eyes enough to read whatever texts could be coming through. 

It could be his mother- but then again she knows he prefers to sleep in and would more than likely call if she needed him. 

The chances of it being Joe are highly unlikely because unless he was at work, (which, if Patrick could remember; he didn't work today) he'd definitely be asleep too. 

Andy would call.

So would Pete.

Justin also knows not to bother Patrick at a time like this and usually waits for him to initiate the conversation anyway.

Still, he leans over and pulls the phone off of the nightstand, but once he finds out what number sent the text, he doesn't know who's number it is- it definitely doesn't ring a bell, but it is from the same area code as his. 

'r u still with joe?' the text reads, sent at 7:59 AM.

Well, duh, of course he is. But apparently whoever sent the text doesn't know that, and must not know him that well. Could it be someone from school? If so, how did they get his number then? He hardly ever gives it out to anyone unless neccesary. He starts to type out a reply, but stops himself- this could be rather dangerous. He doesn't know who's on the other end, so he isn't going to risk it. Their relationship isn't neccesarily one that a whole lot of people would support and airing it out in the open around the wrong person could lead to serious consequences for the two of them. Instead of asking who it is or going through the length of deleting the text, he simply ignores the it. Simple enough. 

Once he goes through with that, he takes his glasses back off and slides back under the covers- it is way too early for him to be awake right now. Way, way too early.

-

12:20-some-odd-number PM: 

Patrick stirs again. The sun is completely up, shining through the window and it borderline blinds him for a split second as he opens his eyes.

There's laughter coming from the livingroom and he rightfully assumes it's his father and stepmother as he reaches back over to once again put his glasses on and sit up to check his phone incase he's missed any important calls or texts while asleep.

No calls, but yet another text from the mysterious number that texted earlier.

'if so he's cheating on u' 10:30 AM. 

This text is rather unsettling; not only does he not know who it is, but they're also trying to start shit with him.

Unless Joe was actually cheating on him, which, he was rather certain he wasn't. Right? He would have the audacity to atleast tell Patrick if he thought he was into someone else.... Right?

Patrick doesn't want to believe it- it's probably just one of the kids at school trying to fuck around with him.. But his mind can't help but wander off to how Joe had been lying to him for weeks about his drinking habit. And drinking can lead to other bad shit.. But no! He isn't cheating on him. He can't be. There's no possible way..

He's incredibly tempted to send back a 'with who?' text. But he won't, simply because he still isn't sure how safe it would be. The best he can do is ignore it and go about his day. So he does so... Or atleast tries to.

It's hard. It's harder than it should be. He can't help but think of the possibility that his boyfriend could be cheating on him and he absolutely hates that he would even entertain the thought, but he can't stop. 

Patrick finds himself frequently contemplating showing the text to Joe throughout the day, but on the other hand, he also doesn't want to know the truth if that's even the case. His anxiety has him convinced that it very well could be because quite honestly, he personally doesn't blame him if he prefers someone else to him- in Patrick's mind, he's annoyingly clingy, not even nearly attractive, and probably pretty fucking toxic as well. 

He feels like Joe could do better- his mind has him convinced that he absolutely can, but the very, very small hint of hope still left in his heart at the end of the day tells him that he would atleast be honest with him about that. Just maybe. Hopefully.

Throughout the entire day, Patrick's zoned out to the rest of the world. As much as he hates it, he can't seem to focus on grocery shopping with his stepmom Heather, or even long enough to read directions properly to assemble the cat tree they bought yesterday. He can't bring himself to eat, and instead spends a considerable amount of time with his father's cat. Cats don't know anything about infidelity or fighting with yourself to come to terms with your identity. Such beautiful and lucky creatures they are.

He still manages to get through the day without breaking, of course, but only by sheer force of will because he doesn't want to let anyone know there's something wrong- even though there most definitely is. Patrick and Joe text eachother as they always do- Patrick keeps up his normal pattern of replying and little '<3' symbols because it's so, so easy to lie through text. If only he could bring himself to mention it. 

Patricia assumes he's caught up in whatever it is that he's doing with his father, so she doesn't want to bother him too much and only calls once throughout the day, to which she only gets short replies to her questions like 'cool' and 'yeah' or 'okay'. His lack of vocabulary is concerning, but she figures he'll tell her about whatever it is when he returns to her house.

At 5:30, he has to pull his mind together enough to drive to work and keep himself focused to work his shift. The lack of energy he posesses from not eating all day only then begins to catch up with him as he's doing his delivery rounds. His mood gets increasingly worse from that and the still lingering anxiety of the text he got this morning. It shouldn't be getting to him this bad, but it still is, and Justin notices.

He pulls Patrick aside and asks their manager, Shelby, to give himself and Patrick a break. Since they're not too swamped, she gives them 10 because Justin rarely asks for breaks and Patrick's always out on the road, so with that, they head out the back door and Justin throws Patrick a granola bar as he lights up a cigarette.

"Promise me you'll eat sometime tonight, okay?" he says as he tosses it to him.

Patrick nods and gladly accepts it because the hunger is seriously beginning to catch up with him now and passing out just isn't an option when he's at work.

"What's bothering you, though? Other than that?" Justin asks as he takes a drag off of his cigarette. 

Patrick sighs, as it's all he can do at the very second since his mouth is full. Once he swallows, though, he's not shy about opening up to Justin. "I got an incredibly unsettling text this morning." he states. "Well, two, but the second one was the worst." he takes another bite of the granola bar as Justin listens. 

He can't even imagine what the texts must have been, but he's sure Patrick's about to tell him. 

"First off, I don't even know the number who send them. Which... Makes it even weirder." 

Justin raises an eyebrow as he takes another drag. This sounds like it's going to be interesting, and even though he tends to mind his own business, Justin's always up to hear the latest drama in his friends' lives, even though it's just some entertainment to him- it's real life and real people are affected by it. So, mostly, he likes to involve himself so he knows how he can help, if at all.

Patrick pulls his phone out and heads to the text message screen. He then hands his phone over to Justin so he can read them for himself while he finishes off his granola bar. By the look on Justin's face, he can tell that he's just as confused as he is.

"Anyone you know that isn't very fond of your relationship?" Justin asks as he hands it back to Patrick, who shakes his head in response. Justin's face then turns more to a serious look as he stares at Patrick. "Do you.... Believe it?"

Patrick swallows the last bit of the granola bar and begins to rattle the wrapper a bit. No, not completely, but it's definitely bothering him. He looks straight ahead rather than looking Justin in the eyes and sighs. "Um... I don't know, really, but.. The thought is.... Getting to me... A lot more than it should.." 

Justin nods in understanding. "Have you brought it up to him?"

"That's the problem, man, I can't seem to bring myself to ask him.. And he's perfectly capable of lying and all, but there's also nothing leading me to believe that it's true.. But, even if he was, I wouldn't blame hi-"

"Patrick!" Justin interrupts, "If- and that's a very big if he's cheating on you, then he's a complete idiot, man."

"It's just.. I don't wanna be a complete sucker," he admits, "I'm scared if he does have to lie about it, I won't be able to detect if it's a lie. And on the other hand.. I don't wanna hear him say that he's into someone else 'cause I know they're probably better than me and he'll love them more.." he looks up at Justin, who offers a sympathetic smile before taking another drag. "I have so much anxiety over this shit and I know it's stupid that I'm so worked up over a couple of dumb texts, but.."

"You know how you could feel Joe was lying about his drinking problem?" 

Patrick shrugs, "Yeah, but the signs were obvious."

"Maybe to you." Justin replies, "You know him, and I'm sure he knows you, and I'm sure if you keep hiding this from him he's going to.. Y'know, feel something.."

"I know." Patrick says bluntly, still playing with the wrapper of the granola bar. "I'll see if he'll meet me tonight." 

With that, Patrick turns around and heads back inside to collect his next delivery. 

Justin takes one last drag off of his cigarette before putting it out in the cigarette receptacle and following suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing isn't that good, but major shoutout to those who still enjoy this!!!


	38. thirty-fucking-seven

"They found out who killed your ex." Martha says as she sits at the kitchen table with the newspaper infront of her as she hears her son come downstairs the next morning- well, rather afternoon considering that it was nearly one. 

It must've been about two in the morning before Pete dragged him home, but he did, and Joe proabably slept the longest he that he had in days.

His head is still rather foggy, but he can process the sentence well enough to feel his mood shift from completely neutral to that stirring guilty feeling in his chest that arises when he remembers how he treated her towards the end of their relationship. It seems to hit him at the most random moments that the vanilla-scented girl who used to cling onto him, call him 'Joey' and leave pink lipstick stains on his collarbone was really dead. He finds himself missing her quite often and wishes that he could've found some way to have left them both on better terms before the incident. There's so much he regrets.

"Oh?" he replies, approaching the kitchen table. 

She slides it infront of him once he's sitting across from her and sighs. "The boy who killed her is literally your age. He's still a child."

Joe rubs his eyes before looking at the newspaper like it was the 60s or something. But then again, he wasn't willing to get up at 7 just to watch it on TV.

The newspaper article read that it was around 3 AM that morning when the shooting happened, according to the murderer who came foward- the face in the mugshot was incredibly familliar- Tyler Enzor, one of the line-backers for their high school's football team. 

Rodney was apparently Tyler's main target and Chelsea was only collateral damage because she happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Life was so fragile.

It was no secret that Tyler and Rodney had it out for eachother ever since Tyler transferred, but no one other than them and maybe a few close friends truly knew the extent of their hatred for one another and much less why they were always at eachother's throats. It was more than likely their positions on the field that caused conflict, but still, wouldn't that be a rather dumb reason to actually kill someone over? Were they, by chance, arguing over Chelsea as well? Maybe it was because Rodney seemed to have Tyler's ideal life; a family who loved him, girls chasing after him left and right, a fucking sports car. 

Either way, Tyler broke down, turned himself in, and admitted to everything according to the newspaper.

Joe can't imagine even taking as long as he did- hell, he'd probably have killed himself over the guilt of murdering another person, and the vibe he got from looking into Tyler's eyes in the mugshot suggested that Tyler probably wasn't far from it himself. What he did was obviously cruel, cold-blooded and inherently evil, but at the very least he had the decency to admit to it. Jealousy seemed to be such an overwhelming emotion.

"Wow." Joe says, sliding the newspaper back to his mother. He doesn't really know what to feel other than the same he felt right before reading the article. Hopefully her and Rodney's families have some sort of disclosure, though.

"It's rather terrifying how easily someone can snap." Martha says quietly as he slides her the newspaper.

"Yeah." Joe mutters before silence falls over them again. 

They keep the silence up for atleast a minute before Martha breaks it. "Are you okay?"

To answer her question, he shrugs. He honestly doesn't know if he could consider himself 'okay' right now or not, but judging by the splitting migraine that was forming in his head, he probably wasn't.

"Let me know if you need anything, okay?" 

"Okay." Joe nods. He could probably count the amount of times she's asked if he's okay in the past two years on his fingers. Sometimes she really does act like she cares about him, especially in the past week with the withdrawals and everything. It's nice, but at the same time he's weary because he doesn't know how long it'll last. He would still do anything for a stable relationship with her. "I love you." he then adds, looking over at her. 

She smiles and leans over the table to kiss his forehead. 

It's comforting and takes him back to when he was a little kid and she still tucked him in at night and held him in her arms, albeit against his will at the time. 

"I love you too." Martha says as she sits back down. "Even though it doesn't seem like it."

-

By 7:35 he's home alone after Martha went out with one of her friends. Steven's still on a 'business trip', Patrick's at work, and Joe himself is off tonight. 

Sitting at home is absolutely no fun at all, so he resorts to his go-to, of course: Pete.

Pete always works day shifts, so his nights are almost always free unless he decides to turn in early. That's very likely not the case, though.

And it sure isn't.

"What's up?" Pete asks as he answers the phone. Joe can feel his energy through the other line so he immediately assumes he's up to something that might catch his interest.

"I'm bored as shit, man, my own mama even called for a raincheck to go off with her friend." Joe replies with a huff as he slides down a wall. "What are you up to?"

"Well," Pete replies, "Jen and I are about to go pick up some weed from Russell once we find out how to get to the warehouse he wants to meet us at. I think he's at a rave."

"Rad."

"You want us to pick you up on the way over?" Pete asks, looking over at Jennifer with a knowing smirk. Of course he wants to come with or else he wouldn't have called. Besides, he's trying to give up drinking, not smoking weed. Hell, Pete figures it'll probably ease up his withdrawals if he's still dealing with them.

"Fuck yeah, man." Joe replies.

"Sweet. Be there in 10." 

Pete drops the call and Joe gets up to find his shoes so he'll be ready when they get there. He hasn't had a good toke since the camping trip and he could really use the relief right now. But as he goes to close his phone, he notices he has another text. A text from Patrick. His face lights up even more when he sees the name across his display- things seem to be looking up tonight.

7:40 PM: 'can we talk when i get off @ 10?' 

It seems sort of urgent, but he assumes it's because Patrick heard about Tyler too. Still, he isn't sure if Patrick means in person or over the phone. Whatever the case, the dealing should be done by then, so of course he agrees. 'sure. in person or on the phone?' he sends back. By time he's ready and in the livingroom he's already gotten a reply.

7:45 PM: 'in person. we can meet @ waffle house or smth.'

Joe can't help but smile. No matter how serious the conversation, he still gets to see Patrick tonight, even if he has to walk from the warehouse to wherever they decide on meeting up at. 'ok! love u!' he throws back. A couple of minutes later he sees headlights. 

Pete leans out of his car window and waves. "Come on, Trohman!" he yells, "Russell's probably already tripped! I couldn't find the fucking directions any faster!"

"Shh." Jennifer, who's in the passenger seat laughs. "His neighbors don't need to hear that." 

"Well they did." Pete smirks as they watch Joe close the front door behind him.


	39. The Way Down

The rave that Russell's attending seems to be nothing short of what Pete imagined- a dark room with flashing, funky lights and ecstasy (of course with other popular drugs such as heroin)-induced partying. 

But considering that not even he himself has ever really attended one, he vows to keep his mind clear enough to head up to the second story of the warehouse where Russell told him he'd be while keeping a fairly close eye on Joe, who was still, for lack of a better term, 'a little screwy'. It didn't hit him until they'd already picked him up, but he refused to make him stay in the car after dragging him (by his will, of course.) all the way out here. And besides, he seemed to be reacting fine to the flashing, so it probably wasn't as big of a deal as he thought. 

"Hey, you ever taken ecstasy?" Joe asks as they head up the stairs to find Russell.

"Nah," Pete replies with a shrug, "I'd like to try it, but I'd prefer to be in private, y'know?"

"Pussy." Pete knows that Joe didn't really mean it, but it doesn't stop him from turning around and flashing his middle finger up at him.

"Hey," Jennifer intervenes, "you have the right idea about that, there's no telling what could happen during your first time."

"Isn't that the truth?" Pete laughs. Joe immediately gets that he was subtly hinting at a sex-related joke since that's usually what people think of when they hear those three ominous words.

Jennifer rolls her eyes and looks over to the side as they laugh over a stupid inuendo like a couple of middle schoolers. As she does, a pair of green eyes she swears she knows anywhere lock with hers. 

Long black hair and a 'got you' grin sends chills up her spine as she realizes she's face-to-face with her ex that she suddenly broke up with a couple of months ago when she decided that after a few run-ins with Joe, she wanted to persue him. 

Her ex, James, is out for blood because in his mind, they were perfect together and the fact that she threw all they had away for some inexperienced teenage boy (who was, and still is, too busy fucking around with his own love interest to give her nearly the amount of time that James always did). 

Jennifer was absolutely obsessed with Joe from day fucking one - the first time she laid eyes on him leaning up against a pole, drinking straight up out of the bottle. 

She'd sneak into his locker while he was in class (since the day he left her car, he unintentionally left a card with his combination on it), taking minor things like chip bags, combs, even chewed-up pencils and anything else she could bring into her posession that belonged to him at one point, right down to a strand of hair off of his head that got caught up in her bracelet that day in the record store. She took it. Just to have another little piece of him laying around her house.

She constantly regrets the day she blew him off for homecoming due to the fact that she had to work, even more so when she found out that he went to a concert instead and ended up reuniting with Patrick there.

James knows all of this. He knows about her obsession and he can never, ever let it go, but it infuriates him even more that rather than giving up on Joe after relentless pining, she formed a friendship, (and then later a friends-with-benefits ordeal, heading towards a fond relationship) with Pete. 

Now it wasn't Joe that he was after- hell, he wasn't even that much of a threat because once again, he never gave her the proper time of day. Now it was Pete- Pete was the enemy here and he wasn't going to give up without having her back.

Seeing all three of them together at a rave was almost too fucking easy for him- he figured he'd have fun with them considering that he wasn't a very morally concerned man to begin with, and losing the 'love of his life' only furthered his violent and sadistic tendencies that, if asked, he swears he inherited from his father. 

James pulls his phone out of his back pocket and sends a text to his dealing partner, Richie to keep an eye out for Joe. 

He isn't going to hurt him or kill him, but he definitely needs him out of the way while he has fun with Pete. 

He nor Richie were here for the party, like Russell, they were here to sell to anyone who wanted a little more of a high than ecstasy alone could give them. A rave is literally a gold mine for a drug dealer.

James watches from afar as Jennifer becomes increasingly uncomfortable with her surroundings while she accompanies Pete and Joe over to the table that Russell's snorting cocaine off of. 

He watches them make their deal because why not let them go about their business? Besides, if he's lucky, he can score Pete's most recent purchase for himself and then either smoke it or sell it.

Russell's too fucked up to notice, or probably even care- as long as he got money in the long-run, which, he already has. 

She looks over at him nervously, the many, many things he could do racking her brain as Pete and Joe chat all friendly with Russell. They figure it's the least they could do since they're constantly hounding the dude for weed.

James makes a move forward. Jennifer can't help but squeal slightly- she's so jumpy.

"What is it?" Joe asks as he notices her squealing. She shakes her head. 

"Nothing at all, don't worry about it.." she replies as she looks over at Pete, still chatting it up with Russell. She can feel herself begin to be backed into a corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing with bringing in all of these OCs? They're mostly condensed versions of characters I have scribbled up for the original comic I'm working on (that will definitely give them more depth, of course.). I also promise that my writing is going to be a lot better in Heart or Hospital because a lot of this fic has been thrown together and isn't my best work, and as i read back over it, I find points that I could've definitely imrpoved. 
> 
> Nevertheless, I still love it greatly and I plan on doing a follow-up fic considering that there are only a couple of chapters left. As for Andy? He's getting a LOT more time in the next couple of chapters and the follow-up for this fic.


	40. The Way Down Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Way Down is a song by the Cobra Starship/Metro Station-esque band The White Tie Affair! Short-lived and they only have one album, but they're really good.

Wide-eyed, shirtless and alone, Pete pushes himself through a sea of people in a multi-colored, flashing haze, frantically trying to find Joe atleast since he's pretty sure that Jennifer ran off with his car when a casual chat with a random pale, dark-haired man in the crowd (who's name he never caught) turned into a fight. 

Pete regrets handing her his car keys before throwing his second punch more than ever now.

The only reason that he knows that Joe didn't take off with her is because after gaining the upperhand on his opponent, he sent a text asking Joe if he was with Jennifer. (But only after he managed to get the upperhand on his opponent, which, admittedly, wasn't easy for him.)

After getting a 'no' to a short 'r u w/ jen?' text, he had to text again to ask Joe where he was at exactly, but that was nearly 10 minutes and Pete's getting incredibly concerned. 

Bad cellphone reception could be the case, but then again, why hasn't he seen him yet? Is he even at the rave at all anymore? Was he lying when he said 'no' to being with Jennifer? All Pete knows is that he has to find Joe soon because he also knows that he's curious as hell about trying ecstasy and/or other recreational drugs in this certain vacinity and he fears that it may be worse on Joe combined with the withdrawals he still seems to be going through.

He continues pushing through, getting bumped into, feeling people throwing themselves at him in the false belief that he's a raver, but he isn't. He's scared, irritated, and kind of cold. Not to mention that he lost the weed that he paid for with the money that he rightfully earned from his hard work as a fucking car salesman.

Joe has to be here somewhere, he just has to. Why would he leave the main hotspot where he could easily get high off of multiple things, even at once? Pete doesn't think he would be that stupid (to take multiple drugs that he's never taken before), but then again he really, honestly doesn't know. 

There's just so much that could go wrong and right now Pete's way too freaked out to think rationally. His heart's beating at what feels like 100 miles per fucking minute, but of course it truly isn't becuase he would be totally dead by then.

\------

"Please answer my fucking text." Patrick sighs under his breath as he paces around outside in the parking lot of the the pizza joint he works at. 

He was supposed to get off at 10, but it's 9:30 and they told him he could go home around five minutes ago.

But Patrick wasn't going home- he was supposed to meet his boyfriend to talk about those disturbing texts he got pertaining to him several hours ago. He needs to know if the texts are true because some nagging feeling that something fishy is up just won't leave him alone. Even if they are from an unknown number.

Patrick sent 'im off early. anywhere u wanna meet in particular?' to Joe at 9:27. They need to talk about this as soon as possible because Patrick can't stand the instinct in his chest too much longer and he's growing increasingly pissed off at himself, too for still being so worked up over it.

"You need a ride or something?" Justin asks, noticing Patrick's pacing as he comes out to head to his car and go home. 

Patrick shakes his head in response. "No, no, my car's fine and all, I just need a fucking answer from Joe so we can go ahead and meet."

"Hey, calm down." Justin says his eyes widening when he hears Patrick throw a 'fucking' in his sentence, something he usually does when he's getting pretty frustrated. "He could be busy, or taking a nap or something.." Justin shrugs, "Have you tried calling him?" he then suggests.

"No." Patrick says, "But I'm about to."

"Good." Justin nods as he starts to get into his car. "I wish you the best of luck, man."

"Thanks.." Patrick smiles, about to dial Joe up.

"Oh, hey!" before getting in his car, Justin turns back around, causing Patrick to think twice about dialing. "Did you hear about your classmates' killer?"

"No?" Patrick raises an eyebrow, now intrigued. "Did they find out who it was or....?"

"Yeah," Justin replies, "His name's Tyler? Uh, the guy who killed them, that is.. I heard it on the news this morning.. I meant to tell you all day, but.." Justin taps his head for emphasis, "Forgot."

Patrick isn't shocked when he hears that name and immediately figures it's the same Tyler that Rodney was always feuding with. 

While he didn't think it'd get that far, you can never truly know the extent of someone's relationship with another person. Whether it be negative or positive. 

And of course, Rodney and Tyler's wasn't all that positive. "Oh, wow.." he says as he blinks. "Was Chelsea just...There?"

"I assume." Justin replies, "I dunno', really."

"Huh." Patrick stares into thin air briefly. 

It's nice that there's some closure, but he also knows that who did it isn't nearly as important as the fact that it happened. It's rather upsetting knowing that nothing can actually bring them back.

"Well, I'm off." Justin says, "Have a nice night... And good luck with your boyfriend." 

"Thanks, Justin, you too..." Patrick says before completely snapping out of his daze. "I mean.. With your night..." he laughs, "Uh, unless you have a boyfriend?"

Justin laughs. "I wish! Goodnight, Patrick."

"Night!"

Justin drives off and Patrick goes about dialing Joe because he still hasn't gotten a reply.

Eight rings. Voicemail. 

He sighs, and instead of recording one, sends yet another text.

'wyd?'

He gives it a few minutes. Still no reply. He might as well try to call again.

\---

Pete makes his way to the back room of the warehouse, still not certain that Joe's even in the building anymore. 

But by the grace of some higher power, he hears a distinctive ringtone he'd notice anywhere- that obnoxious little jingle that Joe has set as his ringtone. 

He slows down his fast-paced walking for a second to hear if he's going to answer it, but he doesn't. Atleast he can detect it now as he walks into the back room. 

In the back room, he's met face-to-face with the man he just got into a fight with. His nose isn't bleeding anymore, but he has a black eyes.

He's playing pool, but he puts the stick down as soon as he notices Pete.

"Look!" Pete starts to argue before the man even talks. "I won fair and square. If you want a rematch, just wait until I find-"

"Oh, you're looking for your friend?" the dark-haired man asks with a smirk that makes Pete feel uneasy. 

He nods and opens his mouth to say 'yes', but before he gets a chance to, that stupid ringtone goes off right back off again and Pete hears it even closer than ever. 

It doesn't take him but a second to locate the direction it's coming from- the corner of the room, laying right next to it's owner, who's also laying there, unconscious. 

Pete's immediately reaction is to run over to him, panicking and assuming the worst already. He was supposed to make sure that this exact kind of thing didn't happen tonight and he failed. 

He fucking failed. 

"What did you do!?" Pete screams, pulling his best friend's face into his hands and slapping his right cheek in hopes it'll wake him up. Unfortunately, to no avail.

"He must've gotten tired of your chit-chat because he came back here himself." the dark-haired man replies. "So I did what anyone at these kindsa' things would do. I offered him dope."

"What kind!?" Pete hisses.

"Oh, just heroin." the dark-haired man replies as Pete desperately continues in his attempts to wake Joe up. "He gave me cash to shoot him up, so I did."

Pete's in tears by now. There's no telling how long ago that was and he can't seem to find a pulse. What's he going to do if he doesn't wake up? He can't drive him to the hospital, or anywhere else for that matter- Jennifer ran off with his car! He doesn't want to call an ambulance out here, either, but it may be the only option. He can't even think straight right now. "How.... Much?"

"Not that much. I assume it's the kid's first time 'cause his first instinct after I took the rubber off was to take a nap. I was shocked, 'cause most newbies' first reaction is to throw up.. Take him home, though, I'm sure it's past his bedtime."

Pete tries to regulate his own breathing as he checks all over for any sign of Joe's. He's absolutely out of it- he can't even get a noise out of him. Ideally, he would have time to contemplate between calling an ambulance or seeing if he could get Andy or even Patrick out here, but he doesn't think he has that time. He has to act soon, so he picks up Joe's phone and shoves it in his pocket."Thanks." he finally replies as calmly as possible as he pulls Joe up off the floor. It isn't easy by no means since not only is Joe taller than Pete, but he's lifeless and his body is literally dead fucking weight. 

Pete's already gotten himself (and Joe) into this situation. What worse decisions could he possibly make tonight? Probably none. Once he manages to get him outside of the warehouse, he sits down on the ground with him and calls Andy, since he lives the closest to the warehouse. As he listens to the phone ring, he just prays that he's home.

"Hey." Andy says on the other line. Pete opens his mouth to reply but realizes he has to take a deep breath before he can do so. 

"Y-you... You know that warehouse behind the Texaco in downtown Oak Lawn?" 

"...Yeah." Andy replies, noticing Pete's tone. He's immediately concerned and grabs the keys off of the coffee table. "Pete?..." he asks, "Pete, are you okay?"

"Please just get here." he stutters out. He can't even begin to explain the situation he's gotten into. 

"Be right there." are Andy's last three words via phone as he heads out the door without even warning his mother. It has to be serious if Pete's at a loss for words.


	41. Chapter 41

Riding in the back of Andy's mom's Tahoe has never been as stressful for Pete as it is now since he can only hope, pray, beg whoever's listening that Joe is still atleast somewhat clinging onto life. It takes everything in him not to start crying every time a street light spills into the windows and highlights Joe's pale face that hasn't even twitched once during the ride nor the wait outside of the warehouse for Andy to arrive.

"Get off of my fucking ass!" Andy hisses at the car behind him as if they can hear. He's going 40 in a 35 and would be going a lot faster if he weren't facing so much traffic. It took him 5 seconds to go into full-on panic mode once he saw Pete carrying their best friend's body up the warehouse driveway. He still doesn't know half of the story, but it doesn't matter- all he knows is that he needs to get to the hospital as soon as he possibly can, which would be a hell of a lot sooner if the man infront of them would hit his fucking gas pedal and move.

"Patrick." Pete whispers over the speaker of his phone. The boy on the other end is near fucking livid with the one in Pete's lap, but Pete knows that his next words will likely convert that anger into fear and sadness. It isn't easy, but he knows he has to do it. It can't possibly be any harder than when he dialed up Joe's mom before Andy showed up.

"Is Joe with you?" Patrick asks, his voice frantic. "It's ten-fucking-thirty and we-"

"Patrick." Pete stays sternly, interrupting what would turn into a rant had he not asserted himself sooner. "Listen."

"What?" Patrick asks, his tone shifting from angry to concerned. "Pete, what is it?"

It's hard. Pete can't bring himself to tell Patrick exactly what's going on, but he has to get the message across somehow. "Meet us in the emergency room."

Patrick's heart drops. 

What could that mean? Who was in the hospital? Did he have time to ask questions? Apparently not. 

"Um, okay." he replies, getting up from the diner booth he was going to wait for Joe in. Apparently that won't be happening tonight, but atleast he managed to eat something so he didn't pass the fuck out. "I'm on my way." 

Patrick hangs up.

Pete looks back down at Joe. 

Andy makes a sharp, nerve-wrecking turn into the lane to pull into the hospital parking lot. 

Before he's even parked, Pete's already unbuckled and making sure that he can get himself and Joe out of the car without any accidents. Fear strikes his entire body as Andy opens the door and urgently gestures to let him help. Time is running out, if it hasn't already.

Not too long after they walk in, they're met with a gurney.

Being unconscious is on the top of the list of 'this needs to be taken care of right fucking now', and once they realize Joe isn't breathing on his own, the urgency moves even further up.

Pete knew this. But he also knew he couldn't afford an ambulance.

Andy knew this too. But he wasn't going to yell at Pete about it right now. That would solve nothing and wouldn't help either of their nerves.

"He overdosed on heroin." he says as they wheel Joe to wherever it is they need to take him. Probably the ICU until they know he's breathing and stable. "And it's my fault." he then mutters to himself. Technically, it isn't entirely, but rational thinking isn't a option in a time like this. 

Martha runs in and frantically asks where they're taking him. She explains that he's her son and takes off down the hall. Nobody seems to be bothered enough to stop her. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Andy says as Pete pulls him into his embrace. If it were anywhere but here, it'd be a sight to see two grown men hugging eachother tightly, Andy in his pyjamas and Pete in a sweatshirt that's probably 5 sizes too big. He picked it up off of the floorboard in the Tahoe. There's no telling who it belongs to.

They stay in that position for a few minutes, at least until Patrick comes in. They can both swear they feel Patrick's heart drop when he walks in.

"Hi, Patrick." Andy smiles sympathetically as he approaches them.

"What happened?" he asks, already on the verge of tears. It no longer matters if Joe is cheating on him or not. That's literally the furthest thing from his mind right now as he walks further in. His boyfriend could very well be dead right now and he wouldn't have known what was happening.

Pete ends up with tears rolling down his cheeks this time right on the spot. He can't bring himself to tell him, and apparently neither can Andy. But then again, Andy hardly knows the extent of it.

"I need to know what happened!" Patrick says loudly, stomping his foot down as he stares at the two of them.

"Heroin!" Pete finally spits out after a good few seconds of tension that includes Patrick rather visciously eyeballing them, him especially since he knows that if it had to do with drugs and Joe, Pete was obviously involved. 

But apparently he could bring himself to say it, he just needed persuasion. "Joe overdosed on heroin."

"Where is he!?" Patrick then asks frantically. "Where's my boyfriend?!" 

"ICU, you can't-" Andy doesn't even get a chance to tell Patrick not to go back there, but judging by a faint 'Oh my God, Joe!' heard up the hall, those words would mean nothing. 

Patrick stands there like a ghost. After his outburst, the doctors nor Martha seem to notice him. It isn't him that they should be focused on- it's their patient, who still can't breathe for himself. 

There's so many machines surrounding him. 

It's all so surreal. 

They were supposed to meet up tonight. Joe was supposed to be reassuring Patrick that he didn't love anyone else as much as he loved him and they were going to kiss and make up over a fight they didn't even have because they just love eachother that much apparently. By now, Patrick would've preferred to be in Joe's arms, or with his mouth pressed to his. 

But the only thing around Joe's mouth right now was a ventilator.

Patrick's shaking. He isn't entirely sure that his own heart is going to be beating much longer. He nearly reaches his breaking point, but a comforting arm pushes him back from doing so- the arm of his boyfriend's mother as she wraps it around him.


	42. In The End Of It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We'll take over the world one day," Pete laughs, "just the four of us."

Pete and Andy sit silently next to eachother in the emergency room lobby, staring at the clock, just waiting for any update. 

They must have let Patrick stay or something because he hasn't came back.

Pete's too caught up in his own world to notice. 

Andy finally breaks the silence after what feels like an hour. (which has only been 15 minutes in actuality)

"Don't blame yourself." he says, leaning against Pete until the armrests of their chairs begin to dig into his ribs.

"I was supposed to keep him safe." Pete states as he stares into space.

"It's really not your fault. He's a teenager that's got some problems. I hate to say this, but it was bound to happen."

Pete closes his eyes and sighs. He understands all of that, but he's still the one who took him to the rave to begin with. He's still the one who more than likely influenced Joe to start drinking, smoking and whatever else it was that he could possibly be doing. Pete isn't even certain that this is the first time he's done heroin, but apparently it's the largest dose he's ever been shot up with.

And sure, Joe is definitely the main person on Pete's mind right now, but he's also incredibly hurt that Jennifer just bailed on him like that. What was she hiding? Why did she flee? Everyone has exes, don't they? He's also seething that she took his fucking car. Anger, confusion, hurt, fear, it's all bottling up inside of him and causing him to go numb.

Andy shifts around in his chair to where he can (more) comfortably lean across the arm rests and offer some sort of comfort to Pete. He's just as scared, confused and hurt, so he figures that they should really stick together. 

"I love you." Pete says as he feels Andy wrap an arm around him. 

"You too..." he trails off, his eyes beginning to grow heavy with sleep. He's tired. It's getting late and he went to bed late last night, too. He doesn't want to fall asleep though. "...He's going to be okay.... Right?"

"I don't know, babe." 

Andy would probably laugh if he weren't so tired, worried, and kind of cold right now. Pete used to call him 'babe' all the time, especially back when they first met. 

Sometimes acquaintances and family members ask if it's ever bothered him. In response, he'll shake his head and jokingly states that it doesn't, because he himself used to do gay porno. That usually shuts down any homophobic comments made by his family members or other acquaintances towards Pete because his grandma really needs to hear that her beloved grandson got railed on camera for some extra cash, right?

And truth is, Andy doesn't consider himself gay, or even bisexual, but if Pete were ever to seriously want to act on his 'thing' (which, Andy never thinks he would, but then again this is Pete that we're talking about.) he would likely consent. He's pretty fucking attractive too, and it never hurts to experiment, does it? The sounds he's heard coming from Pete through the walls of his bedroom aren't remotely unpleasant. Chris was such a lucky bastard. What went wrong?

Oh, they're too much alike.

-

"Andy." Pete whispers loudly, "Andy!"

The shorter man (by half an inch) opens his eyes, noticing how he's practically sprawled out across Pete's lap in a waiting room. He must've fallen asleep or something because he doesn't remember anything happening after getting into that position where the arm rests weren't digging into his organs.

"What?" Andy asks, sitting straight up, embarassed and starting to feel guilty that he fell asleep. "What happened?"

"How is he?" Pete asks. Andy then notices that Patrick's approaching. His hair's an absolute mess. The look on his face is incredibly confusing- Pete (nor Andy) can tell if it's good or bad.

"He's gonna be fine." Patrick says as he smiles slightly. That must mean it was good.

Pete closes his eyes, folds his hands and makes a praying motion. He honestly doesn't think he'd be able to cope with the guilt if Joe was anything less of okay. Andy sighs. "Thank you."

"He's breathing, they've got him on detox.." Patrick runs a hand through his hair. "I'm, uh, letting his mom have a moment while he's asleep. She doesn't think she'll be able to say what she needs to when he's awake."

"Understandable." Pete replies.

"Yeah." Andy seconds. While they don't know the extent of it, they know that Martha and Joe have a rather unordinary relationship. They've always assumed she loves him and all, but it doesn't seem like she knows exactly how to convey that most of the time, which more often than not leaves Joe having to take the blame. 

"Thanks, guys.. I don't think I could've held myself together to get him here without a wreck, so, kudos.. Really." 

Andy stands up and pulls Patrick into his arms. He's rather cuddly tonight. Pete follows suit by wrapping himself around both of them. It's a group hug. And it's nice.

"We'll take over the world one day," Pete laughs, "just the four of us."

"Right." Patrick can't help but roll his eyes and smile. Pete's weird and it's endearing as hell. He imagines he'll be around him for a long time. Andy too. 

And those texts? Irrelevant. Patrick does assume he'll get around to asking Joe eventually, but it isn't a major priority right now. Cheating is too common of a problem to get in the way of Patrick and Joe's specific one-of-a-kind rollercoaster of a relationship, anyways.

"Do you know what they're gonna do with him after the detox?" Andy asks curiously once they let go of eachother.

"Send him home." Patrick shrugs. "They asked his mom if she wants to send him to a rehabilitation clinic, but she didn't think he needed it."

"What do you think?" Andy then inquires, directing it at Patrick specifically. Patrick shakes his head. 

"He's not addicted to heroin."

"He's addicted to sucking Patrick's dick." Pete says. Andy playfully shoves him. 

"We're in a hospital." he whispers, trying to hide laughter as the lady at the desk looks over at them like they're loitering. 

Technically, they are.

"You guys wanna grab some coffee and go wait for him to wake up?" Pete asks.

"Sounds like a plan." Andy nods. 

"Yeah, I need caffeine." Patrick adds. "Let's do it."


End file.
